


check the pipes for frost ;

by therentyoupay



Category: Frozen (2013), Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Epistolary, F/M, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-05 06:42:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 66,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3109913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therentyoupay/pseuds/therentyoupay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of correspondence from two people who probably would never have known each other at all, if not for Anna’s terrible organizational skills. Postcards, letters, e-mails, and texts, and—somewhere, in between all the lines—attraction. Maybe. Neither of them have exactly ever done this before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _1/3/15_. First new fic of 2015! Also my first stab at epistolary writing! Written for the following...  
>  **Prompt:** person A sending postcards to the wrong address, person B sends them back (with increasingly snarky/flirtatious notes) AU
> 
> I usually like to think about Jack being from the Northeast (because that’s where I’m from, lol), but since Google tells me that Burgess is actually the name of a real place in Virginia with a real zip code, I’m working with that for now. I’m also taking a teensy bit of creative liberty with some Frozen-based characters from the Once Upon a Time version. Bear with me and roll with it, all right?
> 
> Also also, if there are any typos or grammatical errors, then it’s not the fault of either I or **ALISON** because Jack and Elsa wrote them, kay.

 

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* * *

**check the pipes for frost ;**

* * *

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“...the fuck is this?”

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* * *

**Postcard #1**

**Postmarked:  
** December 2, 2014  
Ålesund, Norge

 **Addressed to:  
** Anna XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
P.O. Box 1118  
Burgess, Virginia 22432

 

Greetings from Norway!

I hope you and Kristoff are doing well in your new home. The countryside is beautiful here! I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to enjoy it, and I so wish that you could be here to join me. I’m stocking up on chocolate for my return, at least!

Also, as heartwarming as they are, I still cannot promise that I’ll be showing pictures of Sven’s doggy Christmas sweater to our distant relatives, so please stop e-mailing them. Honestly, two albums are quite enough.

The address where I can be reached for the next few weeks is in the small box below. I’ll be checking it every few days, but in case of emergency, please call the mansion directly with the number I left in the notepad. (Remember: I have no internet until after the new year!) I’m hoping that you have not doodled the contact information out of existence. Or spilled hot sauce all over it. Please don’t lose it.

  
Love,  
Your Sister

* * *

[A padded envelope, the contents of which include: **Postcard #1** and a note scrawled on a small sheet of loose-leaf paper]

 **Postmarked:  
** December 4, 2014  
Burgess, Virginia

Hey, uh, sorry about the mix-up. I checked in with the Post Office and it looks like the person who rented the box number before me didn’t go by the name in your card. (Sorry, kinda had to read it to figure out where it was supposed to go.) I don’t really know if it’s my place to tell you this either, but it seems like this person you’re trying to write to never actually rented a P.O. box from this office in the first place? They must have given you the wrong address to write to or something. Sorry about that.

Anyway, I figured it’d be sort of a shame if your postcard never actually made it to where it was supposed to go and all, so I hope you don’t mind that I stuck it in this envelope and sent it back. Hope you get it.

Happy holidays,  
Jack

P.S. It’s kind of hard to address a letter to someone whose only alias is “Your Sister,” but it's worth a shot?

* * *

**Postcard #2**

**Postmarked:  
** December 5, 2014  
Bergen, Norge

Anna, you’ll never _believe_ the sights here!

Ålesund was a gorgeous place to begin. The tours were exquisite, the history is _rich_ with life and art and culture, and the whole city is as bustling as it is beatifically quaint. Such fjords! We arrived in Bergen yesterday and have since seen so many glorious elements of nature. Mount Ulriken was magnificent, as was Stoltzekleiven, and I’m so fortunate to be able to experience them with such passionate locals. (Aunt Ingrid’s passion is especially frightening at times!) Tomorrow, we’re off to the Alps for a bit of skiing. (I’ll be wearing the hat that you knit for me!) Also, please thank Kristoff for packing the box of hand warmers. I’m not sure I’ll use them, but it was a very thoughtful gesture!

I’ve rewritten my address in the bottom corner below because you’ve no doubt lost it already. (Don’t get upset. It’s true, isn’t it? I know you.) Honestly, don’t worry about it.

Hope you're enjoying the new home!

All my love,  
Elsa

* * *

[A slightly smaller padded envelope, the contents of which include: **Postcard #2** and a brief message scrawled on a post-it note.]

 **Postmarked:  
** December 9, 2014  
Burgess, Virginia

Dear Elsa,

Hey, sorry, me again. I actually held onto this one a little longer just in case you sent another one (so I could send them both back at the same time) but it looks like you took a break, so I figure it’s probably best just to send it off now.

Hope you got this address thing sorted out. Enjoy your holiday!

\- Jack

* * *

**Postcard #3**

**Postmarked:  
** December 7, 2014  
Ornesbakken, Lyngen Alps Municipality, Norge

I know you will appreciate the picture on the front.

Did you and Kristoff receive the package I sent you? I sent it directly to Kristoff’s relatives in the hopes that it might make its way to you more quickly. (There’s always a good chance that someone will sign for it, after all!)

Skiing down the Alps was sublime. Aunt Ingrid is an incredible teacher, and I found myself gaining control of the slopes in no time at all. I even managed a black diamond trail on my first weekend, Anna—a black diamond! (The _piste_ rankings are labeled differently here, but in North America, that’s what you would translate it into, or so I hear.) Anna, you know I’m not the kind to boast, but I simply cannot help myself: Aunt Ingrid was so impressed with my natural talent and how quickly I was able to learn!

I so wish that I might have had the chance to practice this when I was younger… But no matter. The chance is now, isn’t it? We’ll be skiing again many times throughout my stay, and Aunt Ingrid assured me that I would be sailing through double black diamond slopes in no time… and perhaps even _off-piste_ trails not marked by the resorts! Imagine. Backcountry skiing within weeks.

To be honest, I’m still not entirely sure how I’ve managed to find myself in such a beautiful country at such an important time of the year, but I thank the heavens for it every day, and I thank the universe and all of your cherished Hot Sauce gods that I have a sister as supportive and loyal as you. Thank you for all of your encouragement and understanding! I honestly couldn’t have done any of this without you.

Love,  
Elsa

* * *

[A small padded envelope, the contents of which include: **Postcard #3** and a handwritten letter on a piece of plain stationery paper.]

 **Postmarked:  
** December 10, 2014  
Burgess, Virginia

Dear Elsa,

Sorry, but this is quickly becoming the most expensive conversation I’ve ever participated in.

All right, so your third post card didn’t make it to my mailbox until I’d already sent the other one out (of course), so I hope you don’t mind if this is the last one I send back for a while. I am holding it hostage. Just kidding. Pretend you didn’t read that, please.

Anyway, I’ll be sure to send it back over the pond once I get confirmation from you. (I think you’re getting these letters?? I don’t know, because I’ve already sent a couple and I haven’t really gotten any word back. Again, it’s kinda hard to know for sure that you’re sending letters to the right person when you’re operating off a first-name-only basis.) I’m assuming you just haven’t had a chance to check your mail yet, I guess.

In the meantime, I’m just gonna hold onto this postcard and any other postcards that fly my way.

Hope to hear from you soon! (Hopefully in some sort of message that’s addressed to “Jack” instead of this sister of yours. Either way, I’m sure I will, haha.)

Happy Holidays! (Again.)

\- Jack

* * *

**Postcard #4**

  **Postmarked:  
** December 11, 2014  
Ornesbakken, Lyngen Alps Municipality, Norge

Last night I saw the Northern Lights.

It was truly one of the most magnificent things I’ve ever seen. I nearly cried, Anna. I’m sure I would have, had I not been surrounded by so many others. It was just so beautiful. There’s nothing quite like it, and all the while I sat marveling at it, I kept thinking about how much I wish we could have shared the moment together. I know that one day, we will. We will come to this country together and see the sky wake with light and color and magic, the way we used to dream about as children. The photographs are stunning, but they cannot do it justice.

I’m thinking about you and Kristoff and Sven all the time. Please keep me in your thoughts, and stay well, and remember to check the pipes for frost! (I know Kristoff already knows, but please don’t forget.)

All of my love,  
Elsa

* * *

[A traditional envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on a single sheet of professional-grade stationary, addressed in a business-oriented letterhead format, the likes of which is marked in the top-center with the monogrammed letter “A,” along with an _anonymous_   _check_ — _???_ ]

 **Postmarked:  
** December 12, 2014  
Oslo, Norge

Dear Mr. Overland,

I am afraid that there has been a grave miscommunication regarding my sister’s current address, and that you have unfortunately gotten caught in the middle. I am dreadfully sorry for the confusion, and I hope that I have not caused you too much undue inconvenience during an already busy time of year.

My sister and her recently-wedded husband are in the process of moving into a new home, and I fear that the appropriate address was not properly relayed. I am very grateful that you went through the trouble of returning them to me, and _continued_ to return them to me long past the point of common courtesy.

Enclosed is what I hope will be proper reimbursement for both the shipping and handling fees of your letters, as well as a demonstration of my gratitude for the time and effort you have offered for the sake of my sister and I. Please accept my heartfelt apologies, as well as this gift.

It is with sincerest thanks that I wish you a happy holiday.

Best,  
Elsa XXXXXXXX

* * *

“Uh.”

* * *

 [A traditional envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on plain stationery paper and a check with the word “VOID” written in all-caps across the slip.]

 **Postmarked:  
** December 14, 2014  
Burgess, Virginia

Dear Elsa,

I promise, there’s no need for concern. You are like a veritable postcard-writing machine. (If those exist. And if they don’t, I’m sure you’d have a great foundation to create one.) I’m lucky if I can manage to write one postcard on vacation, let alone a series. Also, I gotta admit, waiting for each new postcard (because let’s face it, after the second postcard, I had a feeling it was gonna happen again) was starting to feel like for the newest movie in a saga. Or book. Whichever you prefer.

Which is why the check—which _is_ a really nice gesture, and I appreciate the thought—is really unnecessary. Honestly.

I hope you don’t mind, but I won’t be cashing it in. I even slipped the voided check in here, so you can see for yourself. Really, I was just doing what anybody else would do. (And it’s Christmas?? Or Hanukkah, if that’s what you celebrate. I don’t know. It’s the cheerful season of giving, or something.)

(Also, I wasn’t really gonna admit this, but I kind of feel like a creep by not mentioning it, at least: I feel sorta bad for reading all of your postcards—I really didn’t mean to, I promise, but it just sorta happened—so I figured I might as well rack up some good karma points to try to make up for it. I don’t know if revealing my less-than-altruistic motives actually negates the cosmic vibes or not, but it doesn’t feel right not mentioning it at least, so whatever.)

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is to not worry about it. I actually think the whole situation is sorta funny, in a way? Definitely not something I was expecting to end up in my mailbox, anyway.

If you’re really still feeling weird about the whole thing, then might I suggest a postcard?

(Haha! Get it?)

Not gonna lie, I was starting to get jealous of all these cool places you’re going to, and all these awesome things you’re doing, and all of these postcard-pictures you keep sending this sister of yours. (Though I definitely don’t understand the picture of the weasel on the front of the third one, and I suspect that I’m not really meant to.) All I get in the mail are bills. And credit card invites. You don’t have to actually send me one, of course. I just figure it might be nice to get one that’s actually addressed to me for a change. Haha. ~~Lame.~~

No worries.

\- Jack

* * *

[A traditional envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on a single sheet of professional-grade stationary, addressed in a business-oriented letterhead format, the likes of which is marked in the top-center with the monogrammed letter “A,” and _another anonymous check_ with a _smaller sum_.]

**Postcard #5**

**No Postmark**

Greetings from Norway!

The weather here is very pleasant. The picture on the front is from a notable museum in the area, which is considered one of Norway’s finest. I am doing well and have a wonderful time. I hope you are doing well in Virginia, and I thank you again for your kind services and Christmas spirit. Have a very merry holiday!

Best,  
Elsa

**Letter #2?**

**Postmarked:  
** December 16, 2014  
Oslo, Norge

Dear Jackson Overland,

Sorry, but I’m not really sure if this is what you were hoping for? I found myself at a loss for what to write.

I appreciate your modesty, but I fear I simply must make another offer. To put it quite bluntly, I am more than a little mortified that you received not only one of my postcards, but _four_. Really, you must allow me to do something.

It serves me right for writing personal messages on postcards instead of sealed letters, I suppose, but it can't be helped. My sister insisted on the novelty and, having read my letters to her, you can probably tell that it is difficult for me to deny her anything.

Please accept my offer of reimbursement, at least. I would rest a lot easier at night knowing that I’ve repaid your kindness, and would be able to all the better put this mishap behind me. Please understand that this is in no way a comment on your penmanship or your appeal as a correspondent, but simply a testament to my embarrassment and my inescapable hope that this could be all the sooner forgotten.

Thank you for your understanding,  
Elsa

* * *

[A traditional envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on plain stationery paper, and another very _particular_ check with the word “VOID” written in all-caps across the slip.]

 **Postmarked:  
** December 18, 2014  
Burgess, Virginia

Elsa,

Again, that’s super nice of you, but it’s completely not necessary. Taking your money would be a terrible idea. For many reasons. I’m not gonna do it.

And I promise, the last thing people would ever compliment me on is modesty. Yeah, okay, please pretend you didn’t read that.

I actually really like getting your letters/postcards, accidental or not. Do you mind if I ask if you ever figured out the real address for your sister? I happen to like a little closure with my sagas.

Also, it’s not so much about the content of the postcard as it is the general _feel_ of the postcard. Also. Honestly, it’s not a real postcard if it’s sent _inside_ a sealed envelope. Although you’ve assured me that my _appeal_ as a correspondent is not a factor, one can’t help but wonder. (Especially, in fact, when the other correspondent in this correspondence party is the one improperly sending postcards.)

How do you feel about pen pals?

Cheers,  
Jack

* * *

[A traditional envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on a sheet of simple stationary. No check.]

 **Postmarked:  
** December 20, 2014  
Oslo, Norge

Jackson Overland,

Forgive me. I was not aware that there were such specific rules dictating the rigid etiquette of postcard correspondence. I naively imagined that they were simply card stock meant for relaying messages. My mistake.

I have never had a pen pal, nor do I imagine that I shall ever become one. I fear that I would not be a very good one, and I must admit that at this time I am not of interest in having one.

Thank you again for your courtesy. Have a happy holiday, and good luck in all of your future endeavors.

Sincerely,  
Elsa

* * *

[A traditional envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on plain stationery paper.]

 **Postmarked:  
** December 21, 2014  
Iquluit, Nunavut, Canada

Dear Elsa,

I noticed that your most recent letter did not include a postcard. ‘Tis a great disappointment, but I understand your hesitation. I have sent you a postcard of my own, by way of example. Please enjoy this marvelous taste of our potential penpalship future.

On such a note, I presume that now would be a suitable time to present my case for this partnership. At present I have many favorable traits and services to offer, such as:

  * poor penmanship (although your assurance that it is not a factor is most kind)

  * possibly illegible cross-outs, and

  * the occasional doodle that resembles those of an artistically-deficient hamster.




All of this could be yours, and more. Act now and resign yourself to a lifetime of perilous wit and ill-concealed sarcasm today!

Cheers,  
Jack

* * *

**Jack’s Postcard #1**

**Postmarked:  
** December 21, 2014  
Iquluit, Nunavut, Canada

Have you ever received a Christmas greeting directly from the North Pole?

I bet you haven’t.

Lo and behold, your very first postcard from the snowy terrain of the middle of absolutely nowhere! I am somewhat less-than-pleased to announce that this cold fortress of solitude is where I shall be spending the holiday, thanks to an eccentric sort of-uncle who once served as a commander in the nearby military base of Alert, and thus feels a regrettable, inexplicable affinity to the icy force of this Canadian tundra. I don’t share this madness, and yet here I am. (There is plenty of decent snow in _Vermont,_ after all. It is not the Alps, of course, but I’m sure you understand. Have you been to Vermont?)

My uncle says hello and wishes you a merry Christmas, and is also fiendishly convinced I am not going to receive a reply. For my poor sake, please do me utmost honor of proving him wrong?

Have a merry, merry Christmas,  
Jack

* * *

[A traditional envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on a sheet of simple stationary. Still no check.]

 **Postmarked:  
** December 23, 2014  
Oslo, Norge

Dear Jackson,

If that is your supposedly-subtle way of fishing for my home address, or at least my home state, I fear your attempts have failed.

Please note that in one weeks' time I will be relocating to another part of Scandinavia, where I will be operating through a brand new mailing address, and will thus no longer have access to this point of reference in the capitol. And before you ask, no, I shall not be having my mail forwarded. Anna, for her part, has been corrected with the proper mailing addresses and timelines, and will no doubt send her messages accordingly. Also, because you inquired out of concern, I feel that it is only fair to inform you that I did, indeed, discover the true specifics of my sister's mailing address. Thank you for your continued concern.

Now please stop sending me letters.

Regards,  
Elsa

* * *

[A traditional envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on plain stationery paper.]

 **Postmarked:  
** December 26, 2014  
Iquluit, Nunavut, Canada

Elsa,

This will be my last letter, I promise.

Hopefully you didn't throw it away without opening it. Hopefully it reaches you in time, too. I just want to apologize.

I'm sorry for the inconvenience... and then the continued inconvenience. I meant no offense, but it seems I got carried away. That happens sometimes, unfortunately.

A lot, actually.

I hope the rest of your trip goes well, and that you enjoy the rest of whatever it is you end up doing. Sorry I turned out to be such a bother.

Merry Christmas,  
Jack

* * *

**Postcard #6**

**Postmarked:  
** January 3rd, 2015  
Copenhagen, Denmark

Dammit.

I told myself that I wasn't going to end up writing to you.

I spent three whole days in the presence of what is arguably the most beautiful vistas of Scandinavia _convincing_ myself that I had no reason to feel guilty, or that what I did was not unreasonable, or that I in any way missed your silly letters, and therein the repertoire of what you surely consider to be charming wit.

And for some reason, it didn't work.

Let's say, hypothetically, that if someone _were_ to be interested in such a thing as penpalship, after all... how might such a process begin?

I am writing my new mailing address in the bottom left corner of this postcard. Please don't give me cause to regret it.

Regards,  
Elsa

* * *

[A traditional envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on plain, crumpled stationery paper.]

 **Postmarked:  
** January 6, 2014  
Burgess, Virginia

Elsa,

Whoah. I don't really know what sort of negative experiences a person has to have with the international postal system to start demonstrating the trust issues you've got going with postcards and mailing people, but those are some mighty high walls you've got up in that there castle of yours. And moats. With crocodiles. Sharks? (Are you a crocodile person or a shark person?)

Look, I don't really know what you're expecting?? Or what you want me to do?? I figured the whole situation was funny at first, and sorta fun, and it was all just—I don't know, sort of interesting and exciting and out of the ordinary. I'm sorry if I was a dick about it, or if I gave you the impression that I'm some sort of psycho serial killer (I'm not), or that this was gonna get weird (weirder?) or who the hell knows what, but I promise, all I wanted was to just send a few letters for once. It felt nice to get something back.

As for the pen pal thing, I don't know. I've never really had one, but I'm pretty sure we're already ~~doing it~~ in the midst of it. I write you, you write back? I'm pretty sure the messages are nicer, though.

That was a joke. Please don't get angry.

In fact. If you're actually reconsidering this, here are some potential warnings. This is perhaps the last thing I should be doing in the wake of your rekindled consideration, but it's only fair.

Potential Reasons for Why I Might Make a Poor Pen Pal:

  * I make bad jokes. Often, and shamelessly.

  * My handwriting is near illegible. I have been impressed from the very beginning that you have somehow managed to decipher any of it. It is magic, I swear.

  * The nature of my work is freelance, which means that I alternate between periods of having no work at all and sudden bouts of overwhelming, stifling deadlines.

  * I do not do well with deadlines.

  * I don't do much of anything promptly, actually. The speed and frequency with which I have managed to send any of these “silly letters,” as you have called them, has been nothing short of a miracle.

  * This could actually be a terrible idea, but I'm willing to give it a try if you are.




So there. What say you?

Best,  
Jack

P.S. I'm not really sure if it's okay that I'm swearing this much, but you _did_ open your last letter with profanity, and honestly, it's probably best that you know about my speech habits right from the beginning.  
P.S.S. Hope you had a happy New Year's Eve, too.

* * *

[A small envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on simple stationery paper.]

 **Postmarked:  
** January 8, 2015  
Copenhagen, Denmark

Dear Jackson,

Perhaps, out of everything I have learned thus far from this experience, the most important lesson I have learned is not to storm off to the post office in a fit of what I will now humbly attempt to euphemize as “determination.”

I apologize if my previous letter seemed a little... forward. (“Harsh,” “bitter,” or “childish” are also appropriate.) I have to admit that it must have been very confusing and, from your perspective, very much out of the blue. I should explain however that, for me, it wasn't.

This would be the appropriate moment to note that the amount of time I spent agonizing over our last exchange, and specifically your final letter of the year, was fairly unsettling. What must have seemed to you a random outburst was in fact an outburst, but one that was the result of many days of pondering and unsuspected guilt. And curiosity.

And intrigue, or else I wouldn't have impulsively written that postcard to you.

I don't even remember what was on the front.

What I _do_ remember does not make me feel particularly proud, and it frankly surprises me that you responded at all. It seems that I am a recipient of your courtesy even now, long after its warranty has worn out.

My memory is usually impeccable, but after so many times through the wheel, the details are inevitably lost. My only saving grace to this lapse in judgment is the ninety-eight percent certainty that I did not drop, as dear Anna would say, an “F bomb." I hope. (I would not go so far as to ask you to do the ultimate favor of lying, but if it is indeed true, I at least ask you to spare me the knowledge.)

With the slim likelihood that after all of this you are still, somehow, at least somewhat interested in the possibility of continuing this conversation with me, then the very last thing I should be doing is discouraging you any further... but as it is, you've offered a list of your possible downfalls, so I suppose it is only fair.

Reasons for Why I Might Make a Poor Pen Pal:

  * I treasure my privacy, and thus may not have very many interesting things to share.

  * This grand adventure to Scandinavia is not an accurate depiction of my usual monotony. I lead a very quiet, simple life, and enjoy very simple things. The exciting nature of all the skiing in the Alps and the traveling and the adventure is a farce, actually, and not at all what my life is prone to.

  * I am well-read, well-educated, and in a position that has both fostered me and requires me to be well-spoken, but very rarely do I write much of anything. It takes me a very long time to organize my thoughts, and composing them in any medium is a tedious, necessary struggle. Furthermore, it is one thing to inscribe them in a private journal; presenting them in a manner for the reading of another person, especially a stranger, is another thing entirely.

  * I have a rather well-known reputation for my reservation on most every account. It is only very recently that I have begun to feel more comfortable with expressing myself, and though it is something that I am striving for with every intention, it still proves rather difficult. I believe it is one of the reasons as to why my reaction to your having read my letters was so... tumultuous.




As for the sake of this pen pal correspondence, if it is indeed still a possibility... I'm not even sure what kinds of things you would like to know about me, and I don't know what there is about you that is appropriate to ask.

My New Year's Eve was wonderful, and possibly one of the most memorable I've ever known. I spent a good portion of it wondering what you were doing and feeling like a bit of a monster, but for the most part I was very much surrounded by family and loved ones, and feeling as though I'd found something precious.

Please forgive the length of this letter. It seems like you're not the only one who's managed to get carried away. I am hoping that this message, unlike my last, will not come as much of a shock.

All the best,  
Elsa

P.S. I hope you had a happy New Year's Eve, too.

* * *

[A traditional envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on recycled computer paper.]

 **Postmarked:  
** January 11, 2014  
Burgess, Virginia

Dear Elsa,

It was a bank.

(The picture on your postcard. It was a picture of the national bank, which was—to say the very least—confusing.) And amusing, for the record. Later. Eventually.

There's a lot that you said in your letter, and there's a lot that I wanna say back, but I just got hit with a really heavy assignment and I wanna make sure that this hits the post by the end of the afternoon, so I'm gonna ask you to forgive me, but for now I'm gonna make a bullet list. I promise I'm not a serial killer.

  * I want to keep writing to you. Before I say anything else, I just want to throw that out there. I really like writing you letters, and I really like it when you write me back, and I want to keep writing to you until you get tired of it, or bored of it, or until I decide to become a hermit in the mountains. (Just kidding. I wouldn't actually become a hermit. I generally like people too much.)

  * (Wait. Would _you_ become a hermit?)

  * (See? We're already pen pals, deep in meaningful conversation.)

  * You can literally ask me anything. I doubt there's anything that would offend me, or make me uncomfortable, and if there was, then I'd tell you. And if that changes and it turns out that I _am_ offended by something, then I'll tell you that, too.

  * Having said that, I'd like to ask you about EVERYTHING. Where are you now? What kinds of activities are you doing? Did you make it to double black diamond yet? Who is this Aunt Ingrid person? What is your sister up to? Does she know about this mysterious, charming stranger who has intercepted her postcards and has somehow finagled his way into your mailbox? Is she younger or older? (What does she think of this charming stranger??) What the hell is with the picture of the weasel on the front of the third postcard? What does your sister's doggy sweater look like???

  * I actually had to google the word “fjord” when I first got your postcard.

  * Aw, hell, as long as I'm admitting embarrassing shit: I googled every site and city that you mentioned in your postcards and spent a disgustingly embarrassing amount of time reading about each of them when I should have been doing work.

  * I would love to hear you drop an F bomb. Read. I don't know which verb to use in this situation, it's too confusing, and that sentence sounded a lot funnier in my head before I wrote it down.

  * I'm also shit at expressing myself, though I suspect it's for vastly different reasons than yours. I may have been accused of smooth-talking at least once in my life, but its backing was probably a lot less noble.

  * Do I have permission to gloat to my uncle that you responded? I have not mentioned you or your letters since Christmas, and he's getting annoyingly curious.

  * Oh, this goes without saying, but I feel like I should probably mention it: your letters are actually safe with me, you know. I'm not gonna go around sharing anything. I just mean to say that I've told my uncle about this random happenstance and this stranger-lady across the world who kept accidentally sending me letters, and who has made the immeasurably smart decision to continue to send them intentionally. As it currently stands, he happens to think that you're a folkloric troll who lives under a bridge.

  * It would be okay if you were a troll.

  * It would also be okay if you currently, or have ever, at any point, lived under a bridge.




I have a shit-ton of work to do, but I really hope you know how much I appreciated getting your letter, and how much I'm looking forward to getting another one back.

Cheers,  
Jack

P.S. Also. No one in their right mind here calls me Jackson. Only my mother and government officials call me that.  
P.S.S. I have not had many interactions with government officials, I did not mean to give the impression that I am some sort of deviant criminal.  
P.S.S.S. I have no idea if that was the impression you got in the first place, but at the moment I am very conscientious of any possible resemblances to a serial killer, and I am taking no chances.  
P.S.S.S.S Shit, I really need to get to work, sorry.

* * *

[A small envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on fancy stationery paper.]

 **Postmarked:  
** January 14, 2015  
Copenhagen, Denmark

Dear Jack,

I will admit that I was not entirely truthful in my previous message. I _am_ actually in the business of writing many things, many of which happens to include official letters of business. I have not, however, ever received letters quite like yours.

First let me begin by answering some of your questions. I will not answer all of them, because some answers are not mine to give, but perhaps, one day, I may share more of them.

I am currently staying with a cousin in Copenhagen while he is on holiday. My Aunt Ingrid, who is the sister of my late mother, is a relative that I have heard about all of my life, and yet only met a mere two months ago. We found each other through luck and circumstance, as she and my mother had a very strained relationship. I hope it is not too much to say that such things run in the family; Anna and I have only recently gotten closer, as well.

Anna is my younger sister by nearly three years. She and her new husband, Kristoff, met four years ago in the midst of our reunion, and he proposed two years later. (I’m not sure why I feel it necessary to share this, but I won’t examine it too deeply: this was actually her second time receiving a marriage proposal, believe it or not, but that is a story for another day.) Anna knows only that a kind stranger in Virginia happened upon her letters (from a mistaken address that _she_ gave me) and that he was kind enough to send them back. That is all I have shared. Sven's Christmas sweater was charming, but hardly practical. For some inexplicable reason, he loves it. (I will also dare to say that he continues to wear it even now, mid-January.)

Forgive me if this feels awkward; if it feels that way, it is probably because _I_ still feel that way, myself. I am not in the habit of asking personal questions of strangers, especially via post, and I'm still not sure I entirely believe you when you say “literally anything.” I don't actually wish to test that. I will, however, start with this: do you have any siblings? Is there anything more that you are willing to share about your work?

Copenhagen is known for its cultural base and creative haunts. In the last week alone I have visited jazz clubs (my cousin Olaf is an ardent fan), theater performances, and the famous statue of The Little Mermaid. My Danish is a little rusty, and it is a very difficult language to learn, but my relatives do not mind playing interpreters for me, and I can feel myself improving every day. I have always felt much more comfortable with Norwegian, though I've encountered many new and unfamiliar dialects on my adventures. I knew how to read and write very basic Nynorsk and Bokmål when I was younger, but I am sadly out of practice. I have been trying to immerse myself back into Norwegian literature since I've arrived, but with varying degrees of success.

I have, in fact, achieved a double black diamond. It was exhilarating.

Are you sure this is not all very boring? You have my explicit permission to assure your uncle that I am in fact responding to your letters, even if I may or may not be a troll. Even if this is all very mundane.

I am looking forward to receiving your letter, too. I hope your assignment is going (went?) well, and that you are not terribly bogged down with work, whatever that may be.

Until next time,  
Elsa

P.S. I promise I am not a troll.

P.P.S. I am tempted to ask you to keep the topic of “government officials” close to the front of your mind.

* * *

[A traditional envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on college-ruled, loose-leaf paper.]

 **Postmarked:  
** January 17, 2014  
Burgess, Virginia

Dear Elsa,

I am tempted to ask you what you mean by keeping the topic close, but I’m not entirely sure I want to know?? That was very foreboding?? Are _you_ a serial killer?

But really.

Seriously, what are you talking about, THIS IS GREAT. I always wanted a pen pal when I was a kid, but never really knew how to start one, or where to find one. Or what to do with one. (At seven-years-old, my conversational repertoire was not nearly as impressive as it is now.) Honestly, are you gonna sit there and tell me that you are not excited about this? I legit feel like a kid at Christmas. (Which I feel like doesn't really convey the awesomeness, because Christmas was like, three weeks ago. My point remains.) Anyway, even if I’d gotten a pen pal back then, it probably would have just deteriorated into e-mails. Era of technology.

Yes! I have a younger sister, who’s actually in her first year of middle school. (Or is it second? I don’t remember these things.) She’s a whopping twelve-years-old, which makes our gap in age difference between siblings a bit wider than yours. Want to hazard a guess as to how old I am? Yes?

Eh, that’s no fun.

There is an astounding eleven years between my sister and I. Both of us share the same biological parents. Were both of us planned? Who can say. Is this TMI for introductory pen pal talk? I have no idea.

NOTE: This is not some clever ruse to get you to disclose your age. Unless it works. (In which case, it might be.)

As for work? It’s kind of hard to pin down. I’m but a lowly graduate student in pursuit of a degree, though I’m more of the “starving artist” than I am the “scholarly” type. I do whatever comes my way and looks interesting. Whatever I have time for and enough qualifications to scrape by and learn as I go. Website developing? Check. App creation? Sure. Photography? Yeah, I took a few amateur classes. Office temp? Grueling and humbling, but I’m not above it. Toy-testing? Why the hell not.

(That last one is courtesy of my uncle. How does a military guy go from combat to making toys? Don’t ask me. I still don’t know.)

(I guess you could call me—

A _jack_ of all trades?)

I’m stopping now, don’t worry.

Yeah, that joke needs to die.

The only thing I’ve actively refused was farm work. I’ve got a friend who’s currently down in Australia doing that WWOOFing thing. You know, the “Willing Workers” on farmland or something. All I remember him saying is “organic” five hundred thousand times over. And the fact that it’s called WWOOF. How is that even appealing, I don’t know.

Not that there’s anything _wrong_ with farm work. Just. You know. Not for me.

Anyway, he gets a real kick out of it. I’ll get an e-mail whenever he gets close enough to civilization to get a slice of internet, and in return I’ll be sure to remind him of all the luxuries I’m enjoying, like hot water and plumbing. (Reason #17 I’m Probably Not Gonna Make a Good Pen Pal, but Whatever: I’m sort of a little shit? It’s better this way.)

Okay, round two of Jack’s invasive questions time:

  * How many languages do you speak?

  * What, exactly, are you meaning behind your vague “government official” implications?

  * Actually, what do you do?

  * How much longer are you gonna be in Scandinavia for? Are you traveling anywhere else? Where do you want to travel next, even if it’s far off in the future?

  * Is it okay to ask where you’re from?




All right, hope that’s good enough for now.

Cheers,  
Jack

P. S. I noticed that you addressed me as Jack. I appreciate that.  
P.S.S. How can I be sure that you are not a troll?  
P.S.S.S. You never answered my question about becoming a hermit.

* * *

[A small envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on fancy stationery paper.]

 **Postmarked:  
** January 19, 2015  
Copenhagen, Denmark

Dear Jack,

These questions have gotten increasingly specific.

I don’t quite feel quite comfortable with sharing information about where I’m from just yet, nor do I feel entirely comfortable sharing what it is that I do. Maybe eventually, but for now, I’d like to ask that this information remain unknown.

I am currently fluent in four spoken languages, though I have varying levels of proficiency in two or three more. (This is not counting my meager understanding of the written Norwegian languages, which negligible, in all honesty.) English is my primary language, though it is not my first, and for a few of my formative years I had a British accent because that was the dialect that my parents were taught in their compulsory language education. Although my accent is now more North American in nature, it still sometimes slips out, but typically only with certain words. In fact, it is more often a matter of word choice than it is syllabic pronunciation, though that _is_ an occasional factor. Also, I _have_ noticed that my English will sometimes revert back to more frequent Briticisms if I am in the presence of someone else with a British accent, but it is all very subconscious, I think.

At present, I am fluent in English, French, Italian, and German, and have a fluctuating, elementary understanding of Norwegian, Danish, and Russian. (Oh, and bit of Spanish, but it’s incredibly minimal. Hardly worth mentioning, but I might as well.)

I hope that wasn’t incredibly long-winded. Probably not exactly what you were expecting, but languages are a huge source of fascination for me. They are also incredibly useful in my line of work.

That was my attempt at humor. Or perhaps teasing. Is that possible through mere letters alone? You shall have to let me know its effect.

I will be in Scandinavia until the end of January… after that, I cannot say. It is my intention to return to the States to visit Anna and Kristoff (yes, there you have it, a meager piece of personal information), but I may have to see to other responsibilities before I am given the chance.

If I could travel elsewhere?

Anywhere.

I have not traveled very much at all, and this whole experience has been eye-opening for me in so many ways. I would love to put all of my linguistic knowledge to full use, to experience other cultures firsthand, and see history where it happened.

You know, I’ve been feeling as if most of your letters are dedicated to asking questions about my life instead of sharing details about your own. Is this because I am not asking adequate questions? Very well, then. I shall try:

  * How many languages do you speak?

  * Do you like the university where you are studying? (College?)

  * When does your new term begin?

  * Where would you travel, if you could travel anywhere?




This was admittedly a bit harder than I’d thought. It is very difficult to ask someone a question when you are not able to see the reaction in their expression.

Also, one final question… does the age difference between you and your sister make you twenty-three? Or twenty-four?

Your bid of subtlety was indeed clever. Is this also clever?

 **Solve for x**.

log(3x + 12) + x2 = 626.9395

As you may have already surmised, x is equal to my age in years. I do feel a bit guilty at assigning you homework while you are on break from school… but not enough to tell you my age outright. You have also neglected to tell me what you are studying! Honestly. Do you study literature or mathematics? (I can’t tell which field of study would make the calculation of this equation more amusing, or for whom.)

And you’re right. This _is_ fun.

All the best,  
Elsa

P.S. I’m not sure we’re supposed to be having an extended conversation via the post script marks.  
P.P.S. If I recall correctly, your first message was addressed to “Sister of Anna.”  
P.P.P.S. I swear on my honor that I am not a troll.  
P.P.P.P.S. I never once asked you if you were a serial killer, but it is a claim you have denied in every single message since the idea was first broached.

* * *

[A traditional envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on college-ruled, loose-leaf paper. It has stains on the corner.]

 **Postmarked:  
** January 21, 2014  
Burgess, Virginia

Dear Elsa,

I did not appreciate that.

Rest assured, I am not an imbecile. I am just not mathematically-inclined. Luckily, thanks to an unlimited source of mathematical knowledge at my fingertips (i.e. the Internet) and two or three unruly friends who were bribed into reclaiming their high school mathematical expertise with the promise of pizza and beer, I was able to determine that you are, in fact, twenty-five.

You are the first person to get me to do an algebraic equation since the GRE.

I hope you realize that.

If I were a kind of vengeful person, which I may still yet be, I might be tempted to compose entire letters in nothing but riddles. Or Limericks. Or Haiku. Except I am not linguistically-inclined, either.

I studied Spanish conjugation in high school? That hardly counts, though. And yeah, I like where I’m studying. I don’t actually go to school in Virginia… which explains the new address that’s written on the back of this page.

(I bet you just flipped it over to look, didn’t you?  
You did.)

So there you have it. The mistaken Post Office box that your sister fortuitously passed into your awareness has been decommissioned. In its stead, you have what is otherwise known as my home address.

I am very much hoping that you are not a serial killer.

(I have no explicit proof, you know.)

As for what I study? Suddenly, after all this mathematical knowledge, I do not feel like telling you. ~~HOW IS THAT FOR EFFECTIVE.~~ Jokes. Mostly. Please don’t get mad.

And god, if I could travel anywhere, I’d literally go everywhere. Germany. Japan. South Africa. Argentina. Greenland. I’ve been to Canada a few times, but that’s about it. (Though honestly, the Norwegian Alps are starting to look pretty appealing?) I don’t know jack about skiing (get it??), but I’ve been snowboarding all my life and I would just about lose my head if I could see the mountains that you have. (Double black diamond. Un-frickin’-believable.) I mostly travel up north and out west to go on snowboarding trips, but it’s all domestic travel. (Which reminds me: have _you_ been to Vermont?)

(You see, you keep passing over these questions, but I don’t forget.)

Now that I’m headed back up north for school, I’ll probably be going every weekend. Just so you know.

MORE QUESTIONS:

  * All right, I’m dying here, what do you actually do? By your vague, foreboding implications and your hella multilingual lifestyle, I’m guessing your involved somehow in politics? As an interpreter, maybe? Something?? No???

  * Have you ever been to Virginia? Or New York? Pennsylvania?

  * Where’d you go to college? (Did/will you go to college?) Shit, I just keep assuming stuff. Because I don’t know ANYTHING.

  * About you, that is.

  * Do you ever think about what we’d both be doing if your sister hadn’t accidentally given you the wrong address, and your postcards never made it into my temporary mailbox?

  * I’m really glad that your sister accidentally gave you the wrong address and your postcards made it into my temporary mailbox.

  * I know I kind of spat on this earlier, but what would you say about potentially moving this conversation to e-mail? I don’t really know about you, but international postage does not come very cheap these days, and having to wait 2-6 days for every new installment is both exciting and really painfully annoying. Yay or nay?

  * In retrospect, perhaps I should have asked about this e-mailing thing a bit earlier, because you now have my home address and may possibly be an axe-murderer, but (1) I’m winging this on the off chance that you’re not going to travel from the Copenhagen to violently murder me in my sleep, and (2) Number #297 Why I Am Not a Good Pen Pal is that I am a Terrible Planner.




This letter is a mess. I am a mess. It’s for the best. Here ends my final letter from this interim address, to commemorate what is sure to be the end of an era. Or something.

Cheers,  
Jack

P.S. I do what I want.  
P.P.S Shit. You’re supposed to add the P’s instead of the S’s??  
P.P.P.S Fuck that. I like it better this way.  
P.S.S.S.S. It was better than “Dear Strange Lady That Keeps Sending (Not) Me Postcards of Weasels and Banks.”  
P.S.S.S.S.S. What do I know about your honor? What is honor? How?  
P.S.S.S.S.S.S. Is this your way of telling me that you are planning to become a hermit, because I feel like this is your way of telling me that you’re going to become a hermit.  
P.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. Jesus christ, I swear I’m only a spaz about 89% of the time. Maybe 92%.  
P.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. Please don’t stop writing me letters.

* * *

[A small envelope, the contents of which include: a letter written on fancy stationery paper.]

 **Postmarked:  
** January 25, 2015  
Copenhagen, Denmark

 **Addressed to:  
** Jackson Overland  
140 E 2nd St  
Brooklyn, NY 11218

Dear Jack,

I don’t suppose I am any more likely to travel to New York City and murder you than you are to travel to Copenhagen and murder me. In all honesty, however, I really do appreciate you taking a leap of faith and providing it to me so that… whatever this is can continue. I’m also sorry that I can’t reciprocate, as of yet. I know it may seem a little silly now, in the wake all of this, I suppose, but it’s still a rather private matter and I’d prefer not to take any chances.

I shall assume you are not studying mathematics, then. I am also very glad to have attained such unique notoriety with your friends, if you did indeed share with them the purpose of the calculations. (Have _you_ shared with anyone else the nature of this strange and unusual correspondence, or how it came into existence??) I must say, what a lovely first impression.

(Let the record show that I would not be opposed to receiving haiku.)

What languages would you like to learn, then? Are you the kind of person who likes to learn a country’s language _before_ going there, or would you prefer to learn it along the way? When learning a new language, what is most important to you? The pronunciation or the vocabulary? Which words and phrases would be the “survival” tools in your arsenal?

Are you, Terrible Planner that you claim to be, the kind of person who sticks to the itineraries and the travel plans? (Would you have made any at all, or would you prefer to follow a trusted leader instead?)

Are you the kind of person who sticks to the trails of a slope on the mountain, or do you go where the mountain takes you?

(I, for the record, have not been to Vermont.)

I attended a university in the States and loved it very much. I studied many things, including Political Science and History, as wells as elements of communications, psychology, and journalism. I very much enjoyed the maths and sciences when I was in secondary school, but the demands of my schooling preparations did not allow me the time.

My additional questions for you:

  * What are your favorite books? Authors? Articles?

  * What kinds of mountains do you like to visit when you go on your snowboarding trips? What is snowboarding like? How different is it from skiing?

  * Tea or coffee?

  * What is the name of your little sister? (You never mentioned it, earlier.)

  * What’s it like to live in New York City? To study there? Do you attend many shows and concerts?

  * Forgive me if this seems a strange thing to ask, but: do you enjoy singing?

  * What kinds of food do you like to eat in the city? Do you hear many languages where you are? Do you have any plans to learn a new language soon?

  * I often think about what might have happened had Anna not sent me the wrong address. For example, instead of you, I could be having this conversation with a wealthy, reputable Prince who is on holiday in Virginia.

  * Just kidding.

  * Or am I?

  * These things are so hard to tell through writing, aren’t they?




Have a wonderful start to your academic term, Jack. Whatever it is that you’re studying, I hope you’re enjoying it, and I hope you’re learning it well.

All the best,  
Elsa

P.S. When did I become “Strange Lady?” Is there something that I’m missing?  
P.P.S. I am not, nor can I claim to have ever been, interested in becoming a hermit. My childhood days were lonely enough as it is.  
P.P.P.S. Somehow, I do not feel that you are offering an accurate estimation...  
P.P.P.P.S. The letters stop here. No more.  
P.P.P.P.P.S. Honestly, I think we’re both a little too deep into this game to stop now. This is probably a horrible, horrible idea, but I’ve written an e-mail address on the back. Please feel free to answer all my questions directly via e-mail. :)  
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Make one snappy remark about the name of the user ID I just created specifically for the purpose of continuing this ridiculous conversation with you and I swear to the Post Office and back that you will regret it, Jackson Overland, so don’t you dare.  
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. All right. One snappy remark. But nothing too cheeky.  
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. We are both probably going to regret this.

. * * * .

[⅓]


	2. e-mails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _1/14/15_. Okay, so I totally wasn't planning on updating this until at least February 1st, since I gave myself a hiatus for the whole month of January... but I've been proudly productive and have been dabbling at this during the daily commute, and it literally just flew out my fingertips. I've also already got a good chunk of the next chapter complete, but I've got no promises for when that will be done! I am having so much fun. 
> 
> If you're interested in knowing more about my updating schedule (or lack thereof), you can check out my [tumblr](http://therentyoupay.tumblr.com). 
> 
> **Beta'd** by **ALISON** and **ABBY**. :)

_e-mails_

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Sun, Feb 8, 2015 at 11:19 AM  
Subject: fuck  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

I’m officially an idiot.

Swallow your snarky comeback, NOW IS NOT THE TIME. This is serious. I mean it. I have actually, irrevocably, unequivocally screwed myself over.

Get your ass back from New Zealand so I can tell you why.

Fucker.

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Sun, Feb 8, 2015 at 5:26 AM  
Subject: Good morning!  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

Jack,

How did your research paper turn out? I don’t know what you’re making such a fuss about, I’m sure you did well.

Did you manage any reading at all on the ride up to the lodge? I still think that only makes sense, especially if you insist on going away every weekend.

(I _told_ you that I’d have been more than happy to proofread it for you, or any other papers you write in the future. I’m almost certain that you’re growing increasingly uncomfortable with each passing word in this paragraph, but I promise I really don’t mind. I do a fair share of editing these days, especially for Anna, and honestly, I find it rather enjoyable. At least consider it?)

All right, I suppose it’s my turn:

Additions to **Elsa’s List of Guilty Pleasures** and this is still so strange, why are we writing these:

  * On the days that I do allow myself to drink coffee (I prefer iced), I take it with far too much cream, and two sugars. This is partly the fault of studying in America, and partly the fault of my own unconquerable sweet tooth.

  * If I find myself truly in love with a book, I am much more likely to read it three or four times over (possibly in a row) before beginning a new book. This also applies to favorite stories of my past. It is sometimes difficult for me to open my heart to a new book if I am still in love with another, and I protect my love for these books rather fiercely.

  * (Anna, on the other hand, will fly through one book right after another, sometimes only finishing a story halfway to move onto the next, and this both horrifies me and makes me rather envious all at once.)

  * I allow myself to screen my calls. However! I am also very prompt at returning any messages that I might have missed, intentionally or not, and it has never been considered an issue. In fact, I consider it a rather healthy habit for all. (Not that you would ever hear me admit such a thing out loud.)




I hope you’re doing well with your weekend work, and that you enjoyed your time on the slopes. Will you be returning again this coming weekend?

All the best,  
Elsa

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Sun, Feb 8, 2015 at 12:13 PM  
Subject: re: Good morning!  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

Elsa,

Like _hell_ you are ever going to read one of my essays.

I would not force those upon my worst enemies. (Not that I have worst enemies. You understand.) And I will not answer your question about my weekend reading because that would only end in disappointment for each of us. :(

Buuuuuuuut it's not entirely my fault. I just can’t handle reading in moving vehicles. (I can hardly stand reading in stationary vehicles. In any vehicle. In the vehicle of life.) I like stories, mind you, and you already know which books I actually like, but if I’m gonna be reading technical terms for longer than ten minutes then I start bleedin’ out the ears. Too graphic? You gotta let me know these things. Grad school is one long war, and each article is another gruesome battle. (Yes, before you ask, it’s worth it. Doesn’t mean I have to like it all of the time. Or most of the time. Whatever. It’s worth it.)

I usually don’t complain this much, I promise.

That’s a lie. But I only complain about homework, I swear. I think.

But you’re still not reading any of my essays. I have no qualms with you judging me all you want for my poor e-mail correspondence, but if you were to take one look at any scholarly source that I might have written, then I guarantee within three minutes and forty seconds, I’d be dead.

Anyway.

**The Continued List of Jack’s Not-so-Guilty Pleasures:**

  * I am an avid fan of both mindless action flicks (with too many special effects and not enough plot) and sappy rom coms. I used to watch the latter with my sister all the time, and everyone stopped believing my excuses (“I only watch them for _her_.”) somewhere around the age of fourteen.

  * **In order of preference:** beer  > coffee > orange juice > apple juice > grape juice > dark sodas > water > maybe tea, if all of my tastebuds have been seared off on the first sip.

  * My dentist friend says my friends and I might as well just soak our teeth enamel in vinegar for all the sugar we eat and drink, but whatever. I take care of my teeth, and she’d be the first one to vouch for it.

  * Is it strange that I just shared this? The problem with having a very good dentist for a very good friend is that you tend to forget just how uncommon it generally is for people to put their hands in your mouth. You generally forget how little people actually like to talk about mouths in general.

  * I will stop talking about mouths now.

  * I wear oversized and fluffy coats because I like them.

  * I also wear my old college hoodie enough to warrant comments from friends and loved ones as to how it has actually become such a permanent and unavoidable part of wardrobe, and inquiries as to whether it has actually fused with my personality? I have only the slightest inkling of what this might mean. I still have no intentions of getting rid of this sweatshirt. It is blue and warm and soft and literally fucking perfect, and I will never surrender it.




So what next? Embarrassing moments? (I have plenty.) Random fun facts? Bucket lists? Your choice?

Hope it’s a hell of a lot warmer where you are. :)

\- Jack

* * *

From: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>  
Date: Sun, Feb 8, 2015 at 2:02 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>

Anna,

I have a rather strange question.

Nothing’s wrong. I just need your honest opinion on something. And, truthfully, I know you may not actually be the best person to ask (and you’ll be the first person to admit it, don’t be offended), but I wouldn't _dream_ of asking anyone else, so I hope you'll forgive me. It's about that American.

Are you free for a Skype chat tonight?

Love,  
Elsa

* * *

From: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>  
Date: Sun, Feb 8, 2015 at 2:03 PM  
Subject: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
To: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>

SORRY I FORGOT ABOUT THE TIME DIFFERENCE I JUST CALLED YOU IMMEDIATELY

I AM FREE THE ENTIRE AFTERNOON JUST CALL ME WHENEVER

I AM WAITING BY MY LAPTOP THE ENTIRE TIME

* * *

From: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>  
Date: Sun, Feb 8, 2015 at 2:15 PM  
Subject: Re: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
To: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>

Anna, honestly, I'll be at the Embassy for at least another hour, don't be so dramatic.

I'll message you when I'm free. Please work on your personal statement or something in the meantime?

Sent from my iPhone

* * *

From: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>  
Date: Sun, Feb 8, 2015 at 2:15 PM  
Subject: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
To: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>

IM NOT BEING DRAMATIC WHOS BEING DRAMATIC

YOURE BEING DRAMATIC

* * *

From: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>  
Date: Sun, Feb 8, 2015 at 2:16 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>

sorry, I had two cups of coffee this morning and I probably shouldn't have.

STILL WAITING FOR YOUR SKYPE.

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 7:02 AM  
Subject: Re: Good morning!  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

Dear Jack,

You are clearly exaggerating, but if it honestly means that much to you, then you don’t have to worry. I won’t bring it up again unless you ask. (Which, of course, you are always welcome to do.)

Just out of curiosity, have you ever managed to read while on a plane?

It appears that your list was more of a “random fun facts” compilation than a series of guilty pleasures, anyway, so I’ll match the tone of yours for now.

  * Water > iced coffee > tea > hot chocolate > espresso drinks (only on very rare indulgences) > hot coffee.

  * Wine has its own separate category, though I rarely drink it. Champagne makes an appearance even less often, and it’s more for the pomp of it than the actual taste. I am not one for drinking much alcohol for the sake of drinking, but I can appreciate the taste of these drinks, especially when they enhance the flavor of a meal.

  * After spending so much time with Aunt Ingrid, I suppose the espresso drinks also deserve fair ranking: mochas > lattes > cappuccinos > shots. I don’t think I’ll be drinking nearly as much espresso when I end my holiday, but who knows? Aunt Ingrid has left a lasting impression in many other ways… it’s possible that her influence extends even to lattes.

  * I drink a cup of Earl Grey tea nearly every morning, no cream, no sugar. I have an entire cupboard dedicated to an assortment of tea flavors, and an entire two shelves for herbal teas alone.

  * I prefer iced coffee so much that I’ll risk the looks of skepticism and bafflement from locals all over Europe as I carry my reusable cup of home-brewed iced coffee all around the city. (The looks are worse in the winter. Yes. I drink it all year round, no matter which continent I am in.) Although there are variations here, most of which actually include ice cream in the concoction, regular American-style iced coffee is nearly impossible to find here. I blame this craving, as well as the inexplicable need to drink it even in cold weather, solely on my university days. (Is this a clue for you? Perhaps. The region of my undergraduate education was notoriously known for its obsession with iced coffee.)

  * My favorite color is blue.

  * Yesterday I spent a good portion of my afternoon visiting even more distant relatives with Aunt Ingrid, and learning more about my family’s history. It was a beautiful opportunity, and I still find myself very much affected by the wealth of knowledge that was so eagerly shared with me. However, I also have to admit that I was actually rather distracted through most of my visit. I talked with my sister last night, and that helped.

  * I shall be returning to work in the next coming weeks. I love what I do, but I’m not entirely sure that I’m ready to return.




How about something more along the lines of “A Day in the Life?” I realized yesterday that I know very little about what it is that you actually do from day-to-day, beyond sending me an occasional e-mail. Here, I’ll begin. This is what a typical day looks like for me:

No matter where I am, I prefer the very early morning, before everyone else is awake. I do not mind leaving my bed early if it means having the time to sit at my table and enjoy the peace and quiet, though I rarely go to bed past eleven, anyway. I drink my tea and read the paper, much like someone else I used to know, and go about getting ready for my day. At home, it is a mere mile from my living place to where I spend my days, and I spend as much time there as I need. Sometimes I work very early mornings, and sometimes I work very late evenings. Some days I do not need to go at all. There are many people that I collaborate with, and many people who look up to me, and many people that I have been very privileged to meet. I speak with a very distinct register, and present myself as a professional at all times. It is not an easy job, but it is a dynamic one, and it is something that I truly believe I was born to do.

In my luxurious spare time, I like to take advantage of the many cultural opportunities around me. Although I do spend much of my free time alone with a good book, I do enjoy being with other people. I love the parks, and trying new foods, and watching performances both musical and theatrical in nature. I wish I lived closer to Anna, so that I could see her more often, but she and Kristoff have thankfully moved much closer than before… even if they no longer live in the States.

Have I confused you completely?

It would all make perfect sense if only you knew, but of course that’s impossible. In the meantime, I think I would actually enjoy reading your guesses. :)

In retrospect, this isn’t nearly as interesting now that I see just how much I must omit for privacy’s sake. Would you believe me if I told you that the general scope of my day is actually not akin to watching paint dry? I’m not sure I would, but I hope you will.

Have a good day. :)

Best,  
Elsa

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 9:17 AM  
Subject: EMERGENCY QUESTION  
To: **Dr. T. Iana, DMD** <t_iana@guardiandental.com>

QUICK WHERE DO PEOPLE DRINK ICED COFFEE

  
Tʜɪs ᴡᴀs sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.  
Tʏᴘᴏs, ɴᴏ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ ʜᴏᴡ ʜɪʟᴀʀɪᴏᴜs, ᴀʀᴇ ᴜɴɪɴᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ.

* * *

From: **Dr. T. Iana, DMD** <t_iana@guardiandental.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 10:34 AM  
Subject: Re: EMERGENCY QUESTION  
To: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>

Jack, I told you not to e-mail me at my work address!

  
**Dr. T. Iana, DMD  
** Restorative Dentistry | Guardian Dental

Confidentiality Notice:  
This e-mail message, including any attachments, is for the sole use of the intended recipient (s) and may contain confidential and privileged information. Any unauthorized review; use, disclosure or distribution is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, please contact the sender by reply e-mail and destroy all copies of the original message.

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 10:35 AM  
Subject: EMERGENCY  
To: **toothy <3 **<crazytoothlady@gmail.com>

oh, shit, right, sorry.  
  
NOW QUICK, DENTIST WOMAN, WHERE DO PEOPLE DRINK ICED COFFEE

  
Tʜɪs ᴡᴀs sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.  
Tʏᴘᴏs, ɴᴏ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ ʜᴏᴡ ʜɪʟᴀʀɪᴏᴜs, ᴀʀᴇ ᴜɴɪɴᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ.

* * *

From: **toothy <3 **<crazytoothlady@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 10:35 AM  
Subject: EMERGENCY  
To: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>

HOW SHOULD I KNOW?

Google it, man.

* * *

From: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 7:49 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>

i can’t WORK like this, elsa, i need a last name. GIVE ME A LAST NAME PLEASE. i am a master facebook stalker, but only if i’ve got something to work with.

give it to me.

* * *

From: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 8:05 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>

Anna, you are being absurd.

We are not _stalking_ anyone. There is a plethoraof reasons as to why I don’t have a Facebook account, and the most recent of which is namely so that I have no way of going off and searching for his. Or doing something equally weird and creepy.

Stop searching for him. I mean it.

* * *

From: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 8:08 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>

THIS IS PERFECTLY NORMAL

THIS IS A PERFECTLY NORMAL THING THAT PEOPLE DO IN THIS DAY AND AGE

Step One: Hear of a somewhat-acquaintance from a close friend and/or loved one  
Step Two: Acquire somewhat-acquaintance's name  
Step Three: Spend a disgusting amount of time trying to search them up on the internet  
Step Four: LEARN

I will not, cannot, SHALL NOT stop, and I swear on my hot sauce that when I find him, I am going to tell you that very same minute.

And then not share the link.

AND THEN BASK IN VICTORY AS YOU BEG FOR MY FACEBOOK PASSWORD

* * *

From: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 8:08 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>

You know I wouldn’t.

* * *

From: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 8:10 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>

FINE.

You and your stone-cold willpower. It’ll be the death of me one day, swear to god.

Is 9am at the airport still good? This whole time travel thing is still confusing me.

* * *

From: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 8:15 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>

Yes, thank you! I’ll be leaving for the airport soon. (Also. It’s not _time_ travel, Anna. We’ve been over this.) I’ll keep you updated before and after the flight. :)

I can’t believe this trip is already over. Aunt Ingrid sends you and Kristoff another round of well wishes… she’ll be accompanying me to the airport in less than an hour, and after that, it’s done. Goodbye, Norway. Goodbye, Denmark. Goodbye Iceland and skiing in the Alps and the Northern Lights and all of it. I don’t know what to feel.

If Olaf gives me any more sweets to take home, I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to check my bags.

Even through all of this, though, there’s one thing I’m obviously looking forward to most… I can’t wait to see you!! Please forgive me if I’m not my usual self when I arrive. I’m not exactly looking forward to 8+ hours of flight time and the two layovers, but it will give me plenty of time to think before I land on the other side of the Atlantic.

I miss you so much, and I love you, and I’ll be seeing you soon!!

Love,  
Elsa

* * *

From: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 8:28 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>

You gonna send another “e-mail” to American Jack before you ship out? ;) ;) ;)

* * *

From: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 9:17 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>

ELSA I WAS JUST KIDDING DON’T AVOID ME

* * *

From: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 9:37 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>

oh wait, you’re probably in travel mode by now, never mind

LOVE YOU, SEE YOU SOON

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 11:29 PM  
Subject: ???????  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

The crap I am pulling in honor of this penpalship is ridiculous??

Do you have any idea how many hours I spent today looking up questions like “the origin of iced coffee” and “where do people drink iced coffee???”

EVERYWHERE. people drink iced coffee EVERYWHERE. they drink it in new york, they drink it in DC, i’m sure they drink it on the west coast, in Vegas and Montana, it’s EVERYWHERE, how is this supposed to be a hint??

you don’t have internet yet because you’re a tool, so i hope you’ve enjoyed the fifty or so e-mails that i’ve sent you about my struggles, you asshole.

you probably definitely already know why i’m fucked. you know it. i know it. random strangers on the street know it.

what i don’t know is WHERE PEOPLE DRINK ICED COFFEE “NOTORIOUSLY”

my copious amounts of research actually tells me that AMERICANS ACTUALLY ARE ONLY A SLIVER ON THE PIE CHART OF THE ANNUAL ICED COFFEE CONSUMPTION, so i’m assuming she either lives in JAPAN, where apparently research shows that CHILLED DRINKS ARE MUCH MORE COMMON or she lives in some obscure region of the US, which could be anywhere, or maybe not even the states at all but then why would she SAY “AMERICAN-STYLE ICED COFFEE” this does not make SENSE??

i need another hobby.

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 2:34 AM  
Subject: iced coffee???  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

Good afternoon, Elsa.

Or should I say good evening? (Good morning?) I never really know what time of day you actually read these things, and the time difference doesn’t really help, haha.

A "hint," you say? I am not so sure. "Riddle from the hellish maw of a Sphinx,” more like.  ~~Or, perhaps I have finally confirmed your true identity as a troll under a bridge.~~ No, but seriously, you might as well have handed me a broken Rubik’s cube. (I, for the record, do not know how to solve a _functioning_ Rubik’s cube.) I should warn you for future reference that I don’t do very well with riddles, hints, or clues in general, let alone vague and cryptic allusions about chilled caffeinated beverages. In order of preference: riddles < algebraic equations.

So.

So far my guesses for the location of your undergraduate education, which are based on nothing more than mere, left-field speculation, are amounting to this:

  * a third world dimension

  * a wolf’s den in the depths of a forest

  * Utah




I have no idea where you went to college. Which I suppose was your plan all along.

Super. :P

And speaking of super… here are some **MORE** **SUPER FUN FACTS ABOUT JACK:**

  * I have actually never tried reading anything more than a SkyMall magazine on a flight. I make the effort of befriending the other passengers in my area, even if they’re standoffish, but most people on planes aren’t really into something like “human interaction,” so I’ve learned to adapt. I mostly watch the in-air movies and tune out the rest of the cabin with some earphones. :/



  * I have a driver’s license, but I haven’t driven a car in three years. (Thank you, public transportation.)

  * I love roller coasters.

  * I hate shoes.

  * I love pranks.

  * I hate _being_ pranked.

  * I am, however, a good sport about being pranked.

  * I am a good sport about most things, I think.

  * I am not particularly good sports.

  * Unless the sports include running, in which case I am not half-bad, or maybe height advantages, because I’m tall, or being quick, because I’m generally light on my feet.

  * I am mediocre at sports. I could be good at them if I actually tried, I bet.

  * Hell yeah, _my_ favorite color is blue.




I also spent a disgusting amount of time trying to find a way to answer your “Day in the Life” challenge without boring _you_ to death, and I don’t know if I can do it. I could give you my _ideal_ day in the life, but that might also end in tears over my lack of a private island and personal ice skating rink, so let’s not. Here’s what I managed instead:

I’m don’t think I’m a Night Owl or a Morning Person. My schedule is always changing, and I’m always running all over the place. One day I’m here, the next day I’m somewhere else, but I try to enjoy myself wherever I am or whatever I end up doing. I would rather be surrounded by people than by myself, but I’m not unused to being alone either, and I can make it work. I drink too much caffeine and sugar during the week, and drink maybe-too-much beer on the weekends with friends. I grew up in a sports town with big team-loyalty, so here in New York it’s better to keep my mouth shut when I head out to the bar for a game. I don’t smoke and I’ve never tried, and I’m pretty sure my dentist friend would fucking kill me if she ever saw anything like that near my teeth. (She’s very protective??) I’m appreciative, but also slightly terrified.

The only time I read the newspaper is for the comics. I watch the news, but usually have to turn it off halfway through because I can’t seem to take news journalism seriously these days. I like to be informed, but I find it very hard to find news programs that are trustworthy. I call and text my sister every couple of days, but it’s usually about random shit (i.e. gifs or Vines of kittens falling asleep and waking up right before they hit the floor, because that’s how cool a person I am) and also because she’s going through a stage right now where she’s questioning authority and doesn’t like a lot of supervision. Or advice. (Even from her awesomely cool older brother.) I’m also too far away for her to try to ask me to buy her and her friends booze, so cat gifs it is, for now. I mostly keep in touch with her through Facebook and Skype, when she’s in the mood to humor me.

My WWOOFing friend is coming back from New Zealand at the end of the month, which is great, because I’m so sick of him not being around to answer my texts and generally be around to annoy. (There are plenty of cat gifs in the world, and he is missing out on them. To bond with vegetables.)

Now that I’m thinking about my life in this kind of lens, it’s occurring to me that quite of a few of my evenings are spent at Happy Hour. (Note: in New York, the Happy Hour is not actually as “happy” as it claims to be. Nothing is cheap in this city. **N o t h i n g**.) I also spend a good portion of them thinking about the mystic-Sphinx-troll clues you occasionally leave me, and how they do not sate my curiosity at all.

HAVE AN AWESOME DAY, with whatever it is that you’re doing, because as usual, I don’t know.

BUT. NOW I DO KNOW WHAT CHALLENGE WE SHALL DO NEXT:

I challenge you to write a list of assumptions about me. As a person, my personality, or maybe my habits, or something, I don’t know. I’m pretty sure that whatever I end up writing about you is going to be 0.02% accurate, so why don’t you go first?

:)

\- Jack

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 8:47 AM  
Subject: Re: iced coffee???  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

Jack,  
  
Actually, before I say anything else, I just want to let you know something that I’ve been meaning to tell you about my holiday in Scandinavia. You see, I’m actually

_Message saved to Drafts._

* * *

From: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>  
Date: Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 8:50 AM  
Subject: !!!  
To: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>

Yo! I don’t know when you’re gonna land, but I just want you to know that traffic is pretty heavy, so we’re actually gonna get there about a half hour later than we expected. SORRY!!  
  
Sent from my iPhone

* * *

From: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>  
Date: Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 8:54 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>

All right! I’ve just landed, so I have access to my phone again. This gives me plenty of time to buy a cup of strong coffee. _Strong_.

I’ll be seeing you soon!

Sent from my iPhone

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 8:58 AM  
Subject: Re: iced coffee???  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

Dear Jack,

_Message saved to Drafts.  
Message deleted!_

* * *

**Anna**

Elsa, I need to talk to you.

 

Hello!! Greetings from Montreal! ;)

 

Oh. All right. Aren’t we going to  
see each other in 20 minutes?

 

Yeah, but I won’t be able to  
TALK to you then. Kristoff’s  
driving, and then we’re going  
out for brunch, and he’ll be  
home for the rest of the day.  
We won’t have sister-time  
until after he leaves for boys’  
night, which iS HOURS.

 

All right. What do you  
need to talk to me about?

 

About your American Jack.

 

Ugh, of course.

Surprise.

What is this really about?

 

It’s about your hesitation to  
tell him who we are.

 

Here we go.

 

And how it’s because of Hans.

 

Elsa?

 

Excuse me.

What?

Anna, you NEVER mention  
his name. What on earth is  
this about?

 

The reason you are so  
determined not to tell him  
anything, or you’re so certain that  
something will go wrong is because  
of Hans.

 

Oh, Anna. If this is going where  
I think it’s going, then this whole  
train of thought needs to crash.

Right now.

 

It’s true, whether you want to admit  
it or not. I messed up, and almost  
lost us everything, and now you don’t  
trust anybody with anything.

 

Oh, Anna.

  
Goddamn traffic. Listen to me. What  
happened to you was NOT your fault,  
and if you’re going to insist on traveling  
back down this spiral of self-doubt then  
we are going straight home and not leaving  
until you come back to your senses, and  
this means not even trips to the store for ice  
cream, Anna, so listen to me carefully.

  
I am keeping my personal information  
private from Jack because, for all intents  
and purposes, he is a stranger. Even the  
best and most decent people in the world  
can be affected by wealth. If not their moral  
compasses, then at least their impressions,  
and I refuse to ruin whatever this is with  
something as stupid and shallow as finances  
and titles that don’t (or shouldn’t) really  
mean anything.

Not because of some  
bastard named Hans.

 

I just. I don’t know.

I can’t help feeling like you’re not  
even giving this guy a chance to  
be an actual friend. And that what  
happened with Hans has something  
to do with it.

 

Look, I’m going to see you in fifteen  
minutes anyway. I’m not going to have  
any more of this conversation over text,  
let’s just wait until we can actually  
see each other in person.

 

Okay. I guess that’s fair.

 

Did you bring back the goods?

 

I have a feeling we are going to need  
a lot more than just Disney movies and  
chocolate tonight, and honestly, I don’t  
think I have the capacity for that kind of  
liquor anymore.  
  
(I still haven’t forgiven you for that night.)

 

DUDE, that was ONE TIME.

You are such a cute little grandma.

That’s it. That’s the reason you won’t  
tell American Jack who you are.

Shut up.

 

Because you don’t want him to find  
out that you’re an ol’ lady.

 

a lil’ ol’ lady.

 

and he’s probs a strapping young lad,  
bursting with youth, all handsome and  
stuff.

 

Stop.

 

all muscle-y and tall and good-looking,  
with narrow little hips and big broad  
shoulders and a cute butt

 

oh my god  
anna, STOP

 

AND YOU DON’T WANT HIM TO KNOW  
  
YOU DON’T WANT HIM TO KNOW THAT  
YOU’RE FILTHY STINKING RICH AND  
YOU GOTS SOME SOVEREIGN BLOOD  
BECAUSE THEN HE’LL WANT YOU TO  
BE HIS HOT SUGAR MAMA IN EXCHANGE  
FOR EXPLOITATION OF HIS SUPER  
CUTE YOUTHFUL ASS

 

I am ignoring this conversation now.

 

i bet he’s super fine.

i bet he’s H E L L A fine.

i bet he’s so fine.

i bet he’s so fine that it’s ILLEGAL.  
get it.  
  
i bet his ass is actually super fucking cute  
though, for real.  
  
i bet you want his ass.

 

ANNA ENOUGH

 

HERE

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 6:15 PM  
Subject: Re: iced coffee???  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

Dear Jack,  
  
Firstly, I’m sorry for the delay! Things have been fairly busy here, and I haven’t had much time to really sit at my computer and write you a proper e-mail. This one may actually be relatively short, but I’ll try to make up for that later. (I warned you that I might be a terrible pen pal.)  
  
Secondly, I have to tell you that I may or may not have been more amused at your being riddled with misfortune than was strictly appropriate. I’ll be the first to admit that the “clue” was probably not at all an accurate representation of iced coffee consumption across North America. It was, perhaps, a bit soaked with the narcissistic pride of my Alma mater and its respective location. My sincerest apologies.

(I get the feeling you are making a face. I have no idea why I suspect this, but I can’t ignore the suspicion. I am being sincere!)

I genuinely enjoyed your e-mail. It might seem a little strange, but what may seem very boring to you is actually very fascinating to me… I suppose it’s a similar experience for you, hearing what little you can about my daily happenings, even though the reverse is harder for me to believe.

I don't really have much in the realm of social media, but I'm fairly certain my sister keeps a close eye on her Facebook. She made it as soon as she was accepted at the international school when she was younger, and I don't think a day has gone by that she hasn't checked it. I've considered creating one myself, merely to keep better in touch, but it doesn't seem worth it, especially when e-mail and Skype work perfectly well.

I wish I could give you my assumptions right this very moment, but as it stands, I’m afraid I don’t currently have the time. (And with these kinds of things, I tend to think through my words very carefully, which is yet another warning I offered you before we embarked on this pen pal partnership. It’s going to take me quite some time to organize my thoughts, and a bit more to put it all down into words, I’m afraid. But I want to do it! And as much as it scares me a bit, I think I’m interested in hearing your perspective on my meager information, as well. It’s a very interesting point of conversation, if not slightly nerve-wracking.)

Ah, it looks like my time is already dwindling, and I must leave the computer. I’m afraid I’m going to be fairly busy over the next few days, so I won’t be able to respond as frequently. I’ll still be checking my inbox every day, and I’ll read your e-mails as they come to me, but please don’t expect more than a meager response at least until Friday or Saturday.

All the best,  
Elsa

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 6:17 PM  
Subject: iced coffee???  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

Whoah, hey, I think we’re online at the same time? Or we were for at least a second or two, anyway. And yeah, of course! Have fun with whatever it is that you’re doing.

Also.

Did I read the word Skype? :)  
  
\- Jack

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 6:18 PM  
Subject: Re: iced coffee???  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

Yes, Skype.

And no, I don't think that's a good idea. :P

Sent from my iPhone

* * *

 

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 6:19 PM  
Subject: iced coffee???  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

WAIT iPHONE

THAT’S EVEN BETTER??

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 6:21 PM  
Subject: Re: iced coffee???  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

Oh goodness, Jack, go work on your homework!

I’ll talk to you Saturday, okay? Have a nice week. :)

Sent from my iPhone

* * *

 From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 6:26 PM  
Subject: goddammit  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

i’m so fucking fucked.

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 6:32 PM  
Subject: goddammit  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

like.

i haven’t even met this person? and i spend so much of my day thinking about her?  
  
like. i think i’m actually starting to seriously like this girl??

i don’t even know what she looks like, or what her last name is, or literally ANYTHING about her, this is so stupid. this is pathetic and weird and gives the very definition of “fucked up” a whole new meaning. and i’m not saying this for a pity-party, okay, i actually mean it.

just get the fuck back from new zealand already.

* * *

  **Anna**

 

Pssst. Elsa.

 

We’re sitting right across the aisle  
from each other on the bus.

 

Yeah, but there’s a lot of people here.  
And Kristoff’s sleeping. I don’t want  
people all up in our business.

 

Anna, we don’t have any business.

 

Um, excuse you.

We have plenty of business.

What’s the news with Gigolo Jack?

 

UGH, Anna, I asked you to stop  
CALLING HIM THAT.

 

Well, what do YOU call him?

 

I don’t call him anything. Except Jack.  
And maybe his full first name, which I  
don’t dare tell you, because who knows  
what you’ll find on the blasted internet  
with that information.

 

What about Cute Butt Jack?

 

You’ve never even seen his butt.

GOD, why did I type that?

 

okay, one: neither of us have seen  
his butt.  
  
two: whose fault is that?

 

If you don’t end this conversation right  
now, Anna, I swear to god I will lean  
across this aisle and wake Kristoff  
myself, then inform him just exactly  
how much time and imagination you are  
dedicating to the mental picture of  
the body of a man who is not  
your recently wedded husband.

 

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT  
  
YEESH

 

Thank you.

 

Whatever. I’ll stop talking about his  
ass, but I still wanna know more about  
him.

Are you gonna meet him?

  
What?

 

You know. In person?

 

Why would I?

 

are you kidding??  
  
aren’t you guys like, bffs now?

 

Hardly. I’ve been speaking with the  
man for maybe all of two or three months.  
The first few weeks of which was conducted  
entirely by accident.

 

Which, again, by the way, is  
hilarious.

 

I almost regret telling you about this.  
I KNEW you were going to over-  
romanticize this situation somehow.

 

So are you saying that there IS  
anything to OVER-romanticize in  
the first place? ;) ;)

 

Do you enjoy placing me in  
uncomfortable situations?

 

ONLY WHEN I KNOW THEY’RE  
GOOD FOR YOU.

 

Really.

 

okay, so i’m being a little pushy, i’m sorry.

BUT.

are you honestly telling me that you’re  
not the least bit curious?

 

hey. did you fall asleep?

 

I’m thinking.

 

thinking yes or thinking no?

 

I don’t know.

 

Of course I’m curious. But that’s  
not the answer you’re looking for. Or, at  
least, not all of it. And that’s not really  
the question you want to ask, anyway.

 

you right.

;)

 

Anna, do you want this conversation or  
not?

 

YES, YES, please, okay, I’ll stop.

Promise.

 

I won’t lie by saying that I haven’t at least  
considered the possibilities of what he might  
be like, because of course I have. However,  
in all of my imaginings, it’s always been a matter  
of picturing what he might be doing that moment,  
or what he sounds like, or ridiculous things, like  
whether or not he likes ice cubes in his lemonade.

 

You are so weird.

 

Anna.

 

I AM KIDDING, ily <3 <3

 

It doesn’t matter.

The point is that I’ve never  
truly considered a scenario where  
I might actually be there WITH him,  
and even if i were to attempt even  
the most meager of wishful thinking,  
even if only for the sake of natural  
curiosity, it still wouldn’t matter.

 

well, are you considering it now?

 

elsa?

dammit, you get so scary quiet when  
you’re thinking.

 

Give me a moment, will you?

Even when I DO consider it, it doesn’t  
do much but bring me anxiety. I have no  
idea what he looks like, and regardless  
of what you say, I rather prefer it that way.  
I still only have the slightest notion of  
what he does for a living, or what kind of  
personality he MAY have, and I have no  
knowledge of his family except for his  
younger sister.  
  
Which reminds me, later I’m going  
to need you to tell me what a  
vine is? I’m assuming it’s not  
actually related to plants.  
  
(Although he does mention  
vegetables rather often.)

 

i have literally no idea what you are  
talking about.

are you talking about  
VINES, like video clips?

 

I don’t know.

This is all very strange.

 

all right, BACK UP.

i thought you liked talking to this guy??

 

Over e-mail, yes.

And through letters also, I suppose.

But I have no idea what his quirks are.

All right, so that’s not entirely true.  
He’s admitted to quite a few of them  
already, and many of them are present  
in his writing whether he realizes it  
or not, but stylistic syntax is not indicative  
of a person’s true character, Anna.

 

i dunno, i feel like you can tell a lot about  
a person by their syntax. ;)

 

Anna.

 

WHAT, IT’S TRUE

all right, so i guess my next question is:  
don’t you at LEAST wanna know what he  
looks like?

forget meeting him in person, because  
apparently that’s out of the question

 

It’d be impossible.

 

yeah, right, well, whatever.  
  
i’m saying  
  
aren’t you curious??!??!?

 

Right now, we are on equal ground.  
  
I don’t have to worry about what his face  
looks like; only the potential expressions  
that might be on them.

It is a very liberating feeling.

elsa, you’re so shallow!

 

I beg your pardon, I am NOT.  
  
I couldn’t care less about his appearance  
in THAT sense, and you KNOW it, so don’t  
you dare start.  
  
In this moment, there is no pressure. He is  
a faceless, charming character who shares  
interesting stories and amusing snippets of wit,  
who respects my privacy and does not pry, at  
least not without a sense of good humor and  
the FULL understanding that I will only share  
what I am comfortable sharing, and no more.

 

yeah, and look how much more comfortable  
you’ve gotten already.

 

DAMMIT ELSA

STOP SPACING OUT

 

I am not sure I want to continue this  
conversation right now.

 

ugh, fine.

you’re probs gonna be thinking about this  
the whole rest of the trip, anyway, so i’ll  
let you “process” in peace.

 

I doubt it.

 

<3 <3

 

hey, how much longer until we reach  
toronto?

 

Aren't you the one who lives in this  
country now?

 

doesn’t mean i’ve got its map tattooed  
to the back of my eyelids.

 

You are very strange.

 

YOU LOVE ME, DON’T DENY IT

 

As if I could.

hey, sorry, one more question  
  
i think you’re asleep, or maybe just  
pretending to be, so i’ll ask you anyway  
  
has gigolo jack actually mentioned the  
sheer impossibility of ever meeting up in  
the future?

elsa?

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2015 at 7:02 AM  
Subject: Good morning!  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

Dear Jack,

Just a quick e-mail, because I don’t have much time before I have to get on with my day. I hope you’ve been well and staying warm. (I hear that the Northeast has been experiencing some arctic cold fronts lately?) Anyway, I know it’s a little earlier than I said I’d be available, but I was hit with inspiration for another topic and I couldn’t seem to wait to send it to you. :)

These are courtesy of a rather interesting experience I had on the road yesterday. Please feel free to comment and/or elaborate on the following, as little or as much as you like:

  * Interesting quirks, personality or habitual or otherwise.

  * Poor habits, or at least any that you feel comfortable enough to share.

  * The most important three items on your current “Bucket List.”




(I haven’t forgotten your most recent challenge, I promise! I’m just struggling to find the time.)  
  
Also. Forgive me if this sounds at all strange, or if it seems a little direct, but I’ve been thinking about one of your most recent e-mails, where you observed that we might have actually been been online at the same time... I was wondering if you might like to try that on purpose?

I’m sorry for the quick e-mail! Enjoy the rest of your work week, and if I don’t manage to send you another e-mail before you leave for the slopes (I think you’re still going?), then I’ll wish you a good time on the mountain, too. :)

Best,  
Elsa

* * *

 

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2015 at 8:07 AM  
Subject:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>  
  
FUCK, what is she suggesting  
  
i don’t want to get my hopes up man, i’m good with just getting her e-mails, i don’t know what i’d even do with getting to have a real-time conversation with her, even if it’s just messages still

i want to talk to her SO BAD  
  
fuck this long distance crap.

* * *

**TOOTH  
**

Hey, you free for a drink tonight?

 

Starting the weekend early?

 

Something like that.

 

You text Sandy already?

  
No, not yet. I’m gonna text him  
right now.

  
Nah, don’t bother. He came down  
and visited me on lunch break, so  
I’ll just tell him right now.

He wants to know if this is about  
the “algebra letter lady that Jack is  
practically in love with”???

  
Son of a bitch.

  
North owes me $10. I totally called it.

  
I hate all of you. **  
**

Help.

* * *

From: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>  
Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2015 at 11:07 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>

what the bloody hell have you been up to

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 11:10 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

oh NOW you respond.

you’re too late. i’m out with your girlfriend and a partner in crime.

  
Tʜɪs ᴡᴀs sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

* * *

From: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>  
Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2015 at 11:12 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>

well, that explains why she’s not answering my calls. you lot are so unreliable.

how many fucking e-mails did you send me?

what the fuck is this

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 11:13 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

i have no idea what you are talking about.

  
Tʜɪs ᴡᴀs sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

* * *

From: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>  
Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2015 at 11:12 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>

bloody hell, overland.

listen, your shite’s gonna have to come later. for now, do me a favor and let tooth know that her phone is on silent, and that i’ve only got another hour before we leave the town. wasn’t expecting to have internet, but here we are.

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 11:15 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

FINE

ABANDONN ME

  
Tʜɪs ᴡᴀs sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

* * *

From: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>  
Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2015 at 11:15 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>

FOR SHIT’S SAKE, man, let a man talk with his girlfriend for half an hour before delving into your sorry struggles.

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2015 at 11:16 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

you are a true friend. <3 <3 <3  
  
  
Tʜɪs ᴡᴀs sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

* * *

From: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>  
Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2015 at 11:15 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
  
jesus. i’m skimming through your e-mails while toothiana finds somewhere quiet to call, and you’re even worse than i thought. you’re a hot fucking mess, overland.

and you call yourself a northeasterner these days? iced coffee obsession is a new england thing. (at least, that’s what _they_ think.) i’d bet my ass she’s from new england.

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2015 at 11:29 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

wait, what?  
  
  
Tʜɪs ᴡᴀs sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

* * *

From: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>  
Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2015 at 11:15 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>

i’m saying she probably didn’t go to school too far away from you, genius.

now dont’ bother me until after i’ve talked to tooth.

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2015 at 11:21 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

WAIT

HOLD ON.

WHAT?  
  
  
Tʜɪs ᴡᴀs sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2015 at 11:29 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

BUNNY  
  
  
Tʜɪs ᴡᴀs sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, Feb 12, 2015 at 11:34 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

WHAT THE FUCK  
  
  
Tʜɪs ᴡᴀs sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

* * *

[ ⅔ ]

 


	3. g-chats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _1/24/15_. The next chapter of _at the center_ is almost done! In the meantime, enjoy another chapter for this here AU. :)
> 
> Also, I have a [tumblr](http://therentyoupay.tumblr.com)!

  _g-chats_

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:32 PM  
Subject: study break  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no> 

Dear Elsa,

I have a confession to make. As I sit here by myself at an overly large table at the campus library, on a rare and impossible day where the third floor is miraculously empty and peaceful and quiet and not overrun by chatty and distracting crowds, I have found myself an available study spot literally sent down from the heavens: an entire table, which is neither rickety nor rotting, with (1) a range of nearby electrical outlets stretched out like a goddamn petting zoo, (2) a location that is significantly close to the vending machine, (3) and also gratuitously close to the drinking fountain, and (4) also close to a window that overlooks something other than a dumpster. I have the great, incredible fortune to be one of the only sad fuckers dedicated enough or tragic enough to still be studying on a Friday afternoon, and for my determination I have been rewarded kindly by the universe in so many ways. All this, and yet I only have about 30% of my potential appreciation abilities available to cherish it. 

I am hungover.

I will spare you the details. However, because I started this pen pal partnership with a policy of open honesty about my less-than-appealing qualities as a pen pal correspondent, and based on the questions from your most recent e-mail (and the fact that I feel like I am probably going to die, especially if I try to stare at these godforsaken textbooks any longer, which claim to encourage learning but do anything but), I have decided that, for some reason, you should know this. Have you ever been hungover? Something tells me that you are not the kind to be hungover.

In the meantime, please note that I am dying, and that if you do not hear from me within a fortnight, please send an international summons for medical assistance to the coordinates of this IP address. But please do remind them to remain hushed in their haste, this is a library.

That will be all.

Until the end,  
Jack

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:44 PM  
Subject: Re: study break  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

I never thought I would meet a soul more dramatic than my sister, but it appears I was mistaken. You, Jackson Overland, are a drama queen. 

If I may say so, I think you and my sister would get along rather nicely.

Sent from my iPhone

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:46 PM  
Subject: study break  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

Dear Elsa, 

Are you by any chance trying to set me up with your sister?

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:47 PM  
Subject: Re: study break  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

She’s married.

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:46 PM  
Subject: study break  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

Right, then.  
  
Death, I await thee.

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:47 PM  
Subject: Re: study break  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

Jack, you are positively ridiculous.  
  
What on earth were you up to last night?

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:48 PM  
Subject: study break  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

Speaking of getting on and getting along and such things, you sound suspiciously like my New Zealand friend. (He has abandoned me for gardening, but I shall forgive him one day.) 

I would answer your question if I could remember. 

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:50 PM  
Subject: Re: study break  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

My goodness. Is this a common occurrence for you? 

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:53 PM  
Subject: study break  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

Enough to be embarrassing. I have not been known to hold my liquor well. I feel comfortable sharing this because I can claim with near-death certainty that you shall never actually witness this predicament of mine, and also because my brain is mush. 

Also. By any chance, you did not happen to receive any messages from me last night, correct?

Or from anyone who may or may not have been in likeness to my name, but who had egregious spelling errors and an affinity for capital letters.

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:53 PM  
Subject: Re: study break  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

Oh? Why do you ask? 

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:54 PM  
Subject: study break  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no> 

Absolutely no reason at all.

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:54 PM  
Subject: study break  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

Wait. Your “Sent from my iPhone” signature is gone. Are you on a computer right now???

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:55 PM  
Subject: Re: study break  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

No, I merely removed it for the time being because I feel it distracts from the text of my message. (Your addled mind is already under a bit of stress, it seems.) I thought it might be kinder to remove any unnecessary words.  
  
For your sake, of course. 

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:56 PM  
Subject: study break  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

You are very kind. And also mocking me. I am having trouble discerning between the two. 

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 1:55 PM  
Subject: Re: study break  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

It is a skill that you shall hone with time, I’m sure.

* * *

**TOOTH**

Holy fuck, I think we’re actually flirting. 

What??

I should be hungover more often.

?????????????????

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 2:16 PM  
Subject: study break  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

At the risk of further mockery, I feel like now would be an opportune time to respond to your most recent e-mail, because apparently I am not getting any schoolwork done this afternoon. 

And while I am on a roll and reasonably confident that your opinion of me could not sink much lower, here is a generous list of questionable qualities and/or confessions that I think will appropriately answer your challenge:

  * The adherence to proper capitalization and mostly-accurate grammar that you have grown accustomed to in my e-mails is nothing but a sham. In any source of communication outside the realm of academia or professionalism, 94% of what is written is a conglomeration of typos, misspellings without fear nor care, and a complete disregard for capitalization altogether, unless it is a capslock mission accomplished for effect.

  * Writing has always been my poorest subject, and though I have never been officially tested or diagnosed with any sort of learning disability, I struggled through reading as a kid. There are probably a lot of reasons for that, but I won’t bore you with the details.

  * I like to sword fight with umbrellas.

  * I often break umbrellas.



  * This morning I was thinking about a question you asked me a few weeks ago, back when we were still writing letters. You asked me if I liked to sing, and I said no.

  * I did not answer that honestly.

  * This is actually a two-part answer. The first part is as follows: As it just so happens, I may or may not actually like to sing. Conditionally. Mostly if the major condition is being Alone, with a capital A. (Capitalization intended for effect.) This capitalization is important, because it stresses the significance that, in these rare and unusual circumstances in which singing takes place, there is no one who can hear me. Ever.

  * My closest friends, many of whom I’ve known for more than half a decade, have never (will never) hear me sing in a proper state of mind. I am what is known as a “shower singer,” which is a secret that we closet-singers will proudly (and secretly) protect close to our vocal chords until the day we die.

  * This does not mean that I am _good_ at singing. Because I’m not.

  * That was not the second part.

  * The second part is that the reason I was thinking about singing this morning was because of last night. I am, first and foremost, a shower singer. I am, secondly, someone who sings while drunk.

  * Very loudly. Brazenly.

  * I have been known to serenade, without prompting.

  * I am also prone to duets.

  * It is a problem.

  * I am thus a “sober-shower singer” and a “drunken serenader,” and to be quite honest, I cannot always tell which is worse. I sing poorly, either way.

  * I found a gif of a cat falling asleep and waking up into a jar of water this morning, and I want to send it to you. I would like to send you cat gifs.




I will send you another e-mail later this weekend with my bucket list. I, unfortunately, cannot spend too much time thinking about buckets in my current state. This would lead to unpleasant consequences.

Actually, no slopes for us this weekend. Tomorrow, my dentist friend and my sleep-doctor scientist-researcher friend, who are both actually a little older than I and far much more accomplished with their lives at present, are celebrating the American Valentine’s Day according to tradition, which is to say, _not_ celebrating. Dentist lady happens to be seeing the New Zealand gardener, and so in his stead, sleep-doctor and I will be poor replacements for a night out by offering a meal of ice cream for a night decidedly in. I suspect I shall also be submitted to eating sugar-free chocolate, in moderation, to be followed by careful brushing, and also be held responsible for choosing the selection of romantic-comedic movies to be watched, because apparently I am the hopeless romantic of this crew, or easily just the most foolish.

Elsa, literally anytime you have free time, I’d be willing to figure out a time to make sure I’m somewhere near a computer. I know your schedule is pretty hectic, but mine is pretty flexible, and apparently my sleeping schedule is already pretty fucked as it is, anyway. Just let me know when, and I’ll be on

Shit, I forgot to do the impressions challenge. (I am not very good at fulfilling my own, apparently.) I’ll do it soon, I promise. I can’t think anymore right now. I’m going to go get something to eat, something probably healthy so that I can feel like I am not abusing my body any longer, and then I’m going to go find something productive to do. Or nap. I haven’t decided yet.

I’m sure you’re probably having a better day than I am, but I hope you have a good one anyway.

  
Talk to you later,  
Jack

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no> **  
** Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 4:24 PM  
Subject: study break  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com> 

Dear Jack,

Are you alive and well? Should I alert the proper authorities? As a precaution for future library-incidents, I have attached a map to this e-mail as a means of facilitating the way of the medics, need I make any calls. (As you can see, it is painstakingly drawn according to your thorough descriptions. Please do note the location of the outlet petting zoo, as mentioned, to ensure that my depiction is accurate. I would hate for your attendants to be confused.)

I must admit that when I asked you for a list of your poor habits, I wasn’t entirely expecting such a series of confessions. I am undoubtedly grateful, but I am also rather conflicted... I have always felt that this penpalship has been a little unfair to you, what with my necessary reticence and your openness. While my quest for precaution and privacy has not diminished in the slightest, I am beginning to think that perhaps there is a bone I may be able to throw you, after all. (That, and the fact that I was amused by your misfortune almost to the point of inappropriateness, and subsequently that I may or may not feel a bit guilty for laughing at you.)

But only a little.  
  
A short and not-nearly-so-thorough list of confessions by Elsa:

  * I hate having my picture taken. (Which is made especially terrible by the fact that my line of work actually dictates that my picture is taken quite often.) It’s not that I don’t think I take pictures particularly well, or that I don’t like to have the pictures once they’re printed and kept safe for memorabilia… I like having _pictures_ , especially of my family and myself, but I don’t necessarily like having them taken.

  * That sounds very strange, now that I’ve written it down.

  * I had to ask Anna what a “gif” was. And what a “Vine” was.

  * People do very strange things on Vines.

  * I would like to receive your cat gifs.




That was a terrible list of confessions. I barely mentioned anything at all, and didn’t even begin to touch upon the topics that I wanted to share with you most, but I am already preparing to leave the house, and I can’t stay online any longer. A proper e-mail will be making its way to you shortly! I hope. 

Would it be horribly inconvenient if I were to ask about your availability for online-at-the-same-time-on-purpose conversation for as early as tomorrow? (Perhaps around 9am EST?) I know you have plans for later in the day, and I know it’s very short notice, but I’ll be doing a bit of traveling this weekend, and after tomorrow I won’t have access to a computer until Tuesday at the earliest.

I wonder if you managed to prepare yourself a meal, or if you instead took your catnap after all. (Before I go, it seems that I have a single, pitiful attempt at an impression to offer you, and you may have even already proved it wrong: I think your personality is more suited to dogs than cats. Or, if I may be so bold, you are far more suited to puppies.)

Good luck with your self-inflicted hangover, Jackson Overland.  
  
\- Elsa

* * *

**TOOTH**

how?? 

How, what?

how did i find this girl?? 

A mistake.

NO, DON’T SAY THAT  
  
I DON’T MEAN LITERALLY  
  
JESUS 

I mean, how in the fuck did i  
get lucky enough to receive  
the accidental mail of someone  
this fucking smart and funny and  
snappy all at once

Snappy?

Snarky? 

Sassy?

All three, tbh 

Which is a FEAT via e-mail

What did she do?

You mean in general, or just now? 

Either or.

Generally, she has me besotted.  
With a faceless person across an ocean.  
Whose last name i do not know. Still.  
  
I am almost glad i didn’t have a pen pal as a  
kid. That would have been the most tragic  
thing ever.

who am i kidding  
  
THIS is tragic

this is GREAT 

I can never really be sure. 

Have you been drinking again?

Have faith, will you?  
  
I just took a nap. 

You woke up to another e-mail?

Don’t get grumpy, I just assumed.  
  
You’re not very unpredictable.

You are not the kind to sugarcoat.

Jack, that joke died three years ago.

Nope.  
Never will.  
  
BUT. You are also correct.  
  
Just now, she ruined any potential  
chance of your beloved jackson-pillow  
not being reduced to an OPEN NERVE  
of WAITING-ANTICIPATION FOR 9AM  
TOMORROW because she’s GOING  
TO MAKE A POINT OF BEING AROUND  
A COMPUTER  
  
SO WE CAN TALK

You’re going to be up at 9AM on  
a Saturday?

You ARE besotted.

Um. Excuse you.  
There are plenty of Saturday mornings  
when I have been up by 9AM.  
  
And when I say “plenty,” I mean  
“at least five.” 

All right, then. So you’re gonna  
talk to her!!

YES  
  
well  
  
WE ALREADY DO ALL THE TIME  
  
but this will be different  
  
I don’t know what it is lately, but  
we’ve been answering more quickly  
on our phones, so the conversations  
are faster-paced. or at least it FEELS  
like it.  
  
I keep losing track of shit I want to ask her  
about now. 

All right, I wasn’t gonna fucking say this, and  
you’re gonna judge me for this anyway, but  
whatever.  
  
I actually keep a notebook on the  
kitchen table of questions I want to ask her,  
and other shit she’s mentioned that i don’t get  
or I want to bring up again later, maybe. Or just  
random funny shit that happens to me during the  
day that I want to put in the next e-mails.  
  
Shit like that.

 

JACK

!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shit. 

I knew I shouldn’t have told you.

YOU ARE SO SMITTEN

OH MY GOD

I AM, AND I KNOW IT”S RIDICULOUS OKAY  
  
I DON’T WNAT TO TALK ABOUT IT  
  
it’s gonna die down eventually, but for now just  
LET ME COPE IN PEACE WITH MINIMAL  
JUDGMENT

Ohhhhhh, Jack  
<3 <3 <3 <3

STOP 

ERASE THIS FROM YOUR MEMORY 

YOU KNOW I CAN’T FUCKING  
DO THAT

THEN PRETEND

Oh, Jack, enough!! I promise I won’t  
say anything to the others, okay?

And I’m sorry you’re feeling bummed out,  
and I’m fucking PSYCHED for your chat,  
and I demand to know everything when you  
come over afterwards.  
  
(Don’t forget about the movies.)

FINE. 

(I won’t.)  
  
Thank you. I hope.  
  
Also. Bunny already knows. He has  
been wildly unhelpful.

Serves you right for not coming to me  
first. :P

I HAVE LEARNED THE ERROR OF  
MY WAYS OKAY 

(what are we eating for dinner?)

(Sandy’s cooking. I don’t know what.)

So what time will it be for her, then?

She’s six hours ahead if she’s in Oslo again.  
I don’t really know. She was in Copenhagen  
for a while, but I don’t think she’s there  
anymore. I don’t know where else she’d be  
though. Kind of a downside to not having the  
letters, but I won’t complain. She said she’s  
traveling, anyway, so I don’t really know.

Do they celebrate Valentine’s Day in  
her family?

Uhh.

I don’t know.

That’s kind of cool to think about, isn’t it?  
  
It sounds like she spent some time in the  
States, so she must know some of the customs.  
  
I wonder where she went to college, after all?

tooth  
what if she has a boyfriend

What?

Where did that come from? Have you mentioned  
something like that?

No, never

shit

THOSE AREN’T THE KINDS OF  
E-MAILS SOMEONE SENDS WHEN  
THEY HAVE A BOYFRIEND, RIGHT?

WAIT WHAT?  
  
JUST EXACTLY WHAT KINDS OF E-MAILS  
IS SHE SENDING?

WHAT?  
  
OH  
  
OH GOD TOOTH  
  
JESUS  
  
NOT LIKE THAT

EXCUSE ME, YOU ARE THE ONE BEING  
INCREDIBLY VAGUE HERE  
  
DON’T YOU “OH GOD TOOTH” ME, SIR

SHIT  
  
TOOTH, for real, what if she  
has a boyfriend? Or if she’s seeing  
someone, and i’m just making a total  
fool of myself?

i mean

not that i’m EVEN INTERESTED in  
something like an international long-  
distance relationship, OKAY

and it’s not like i wouldn’t be making  
a fool out of myself ANYWAY  
  
but  
  
DO YOU SEE MY POINT HERE

Jack. Take a deep breath.

You’re making assumptions out of nothing.

NOTHING IS ALL I HAVE

I KNOW NOTHING

For real, I need you to pull your shit together,  
because I have an appointment in ten minutes  
and I don’t have much longer to talk.

Oh, fuck, really? Okay, shit.

This is absolutely ridiculous. I need you  
to understand that it’s not even about  
whether or not she has a boyfriend, because  
that’s not even. Like. That’s not a thing okay,  
it’s just not a thing.

THE THING IS THAT i have no idea  
what’s actually happening on the other  
side of the line, and  
  
dammit. i don’t know how to say this.

You’re worried about what she actually thinks  
of you.

YES, of course. Which is dumb.

And you’re worried if she’s just as invested in  
this friendship as you are, or if it’s just a big  
game to her.

…..yes.  
  
And wow, reading it out like that  
doesn’t help at all.

Jack, I understand your concerns, and they’re  
not dumb, so stop. I do think that you’re  
worrying over nothing, though.

I’m not worrying.

Of course you’re not.

Okay. I actually really have to go now and get ready.

I’m sorry I can’t talk longer, but if you need to come  
over later and invade my kitchen, you can.  
  
MAKE SURE YOU GO TO BED EARLY TONIGHT  
so you don’t miss your alarm, because that’s  
something you would totally do.

I beg your pardon.

If she’s still sending all these e-mails to you, I can’t  
imagine that she’s not enjoying this whole charade  
just as much as you are. Just enjoy yourself, fool,  
you are JACKSON OVERLAND, wake up, man.

YES

RIGHT

I AM JACKSON OVERLAND

FUN

Yes, good, now leave me alone, and knock  
loudly on the front door before you come in if  
you come over later.

Best of luck, you besotted fool.

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 7:27 PM  
Subject: 9AM  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
  
Dear Elsa,

First and foremost, I shall have you know that your map was most impressive. I especially appreciated the creative liberties you took with the additions to my study area… most notably with the rather large garbage can you made sure to draw next to my incapacitated stick figure. (That was indeed very considerate of you.) 

(By the way, are those sunglasses that my stick figure is wearing? Once again, your consideration is boundless! A very practical addition and, if I do say so myself, they rather complement my devilish good looks.)

As it just so happens, my schedule is very much free tomorrow morning at 9AM. If you will find yourself at a computer at that time, then so will I.

(Are you excited?  
  
Because I'm excited.)

I am also very thrilled that you made a confessions list?? And very surprised??? I hope you realize that I'm still totally fine with whatever information you are or aren't willing to give, and that I'll gladly read as much or as little as you like. I know even that much probably wasn't very easy to give, so I appreciate it.

All right. So here is the thrilling conclusion to my day:

  * Packed up all of my belongings into a humble backpack that is probably just as old as my sister.

  * Took the metro home, but stopped along at the corner store to get some snacks before walking back to my apartment.

  * Successfully entered my apartment.

  * Successfully locked my door.

  * Collapsed onto my living room couch.

  * Woke up groggy and disoriented and somehow still feeling a million times better than when I woke up this morning. Found your e-mail in my inbox. :)

  * Talked to my dentist friend about our non-Valentine's plans for tomorrow.

  * Considered actually going to my dentist friend's fancy Manhattan apartment to bother her after she got off work, then decided that two round trips to Manhattan in under 24 hours isn't worth it.

  * Debated painfully between ordering pizza and ordering Thai food.

  * Thai always wins.

  * Greeted the Thai delivery guy at the door, who knew my first name, because apparently I order Thai food more often than I thought.

  * Called my sister. Helped her with her homework and earned at least eight cool-brother points. (History, unlike math and English, has actually always been one of my strongest subjects.)

  * Told my sister about you. (I hope that's okay?) She's very concerned that I have given you the impression that I am a crazy cat lady and demanded that I rectify this immediately. I assured her that I am an honest character, but she was not the least bit comforted by this. She may also be slightly biased. She may or may not have been the primary target of my pranks at one point of my life... until, of course, I realized that she was much more valuable as a partner in crime than as a prank victim. (This decision was also 89% self-preservation on my part; after so many years of being the "tricked," she was developing a rather ruthless, strategic mind of her own.) Wait. I had a point to all this. Oh, yes.

  * I am not a cat lady. I am, however, a magnificent fan of cats.

  * Are _you_ a cat lady? (To clarify: I am asking according to all possible interpretations of the phrase.) I am also a dog person. And everyone is a puppy person, and anyone who claims otherwise is a liar, or in denial and I want nothing to do with them.  
  
Please tell me you like puppies.)

  * I did, however, neglect to mention the hangover to my sister, because I am working very hard to be a positive role model in her life.

  * I am very excited for 9AM tomorrow. Did I mention that? Because I am.

  * I lost my train of thought.

  * I am now sitting at my kitchen table, taking notes and being a productive person with Pad Thai. I at least managed to accomplish something today, so I won't have to worry tomorrow. It's a good feeling.

  * I have been dying to send you this cat gif:




 

  * I promise I am not into cruelty against animals. I just really happen to have an appreciation for small animals getting pranked by innocuous jars of water.

  * Please do not begin regretting your decision to get online tomorrow at 9AM.

  * I am going to stop talking now, because I think I am actually still drunk.




This was not at all the point of what I was hoping to accomplish in this e-mail, either. BUT. The great thing is that I probably am not going to have to wait too long to redeem myself? 

I promise that tomorrow when I next speak to you, I will most definitely be sober.

Cheers,  
Jack 

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 7:32 PM  
Subject:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com> 

i am so lame.

you also have not responded to my last e-mail.

i have not forgotten.

>:(

* * *

**ANNA**

elsa, are you okay? i can practically  
feel you pacing in your room.  
  
before you ask: kristoff is out like a light,  
you’re not disturbing anybody  
  
i can just just sorta tell

 This is a mistake.

It's too much, too soon.

yeesh

quebec’s not that bad, is it?

Anna, you know exactly what  
I’m talking about.

i know, i know

just tryin to lighten the mood

Anna.

all right, all righ  
  
i’ll be right over 

No, wait!  
  
Don’t get out of bed!  
  
Honestly, I’m fine.  
  
Anna?  
  
Is that you knocking?

open the door, lady, before the other  
hotel guests find me curled up against  
the boring wallpaper

I told you not to come over!

too late.  
  
open up!

Anna, I’m fine.

i know. still here, anyway.

ANNA

ELSA

!!

!!!!!!  
  
i brought chocolate.

….of course you did.  
  
Oh, fine.

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Sat, Feb 14, 2015 at 7:18 AM  
Subject: Re: 9AM  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

Good morning! 

I don’t know if you’ll be awake at this hour, but I just wanted to let you know that I received your e-mail last night… as well as the incredibly adorable kitten gif. I will be heading out to eat with a relative very shortly, but I’ll be back at my computer long before 9AM EST.

:) 

Talk to you very soon,  
Elsa 

* * *

  **TOOTH**

JACK WAKE UP  
  
ARE YOU AWAKE  
  
I HOPE TO GOD YOU’RE AWAKE  
  
OR AT LEAST YOUR PHONE ISN’T  
SILENCED

DAMMIT JACK 

* * *

**SANDY**

I don’t know why exactly I’m supposed  
to be texting you at 8:30AM, but Tooth  
told me I needed to, and she seemed  
very serious about it.  
  
Aren’t we waiting until dinner to hang out?  
  
Do you need me to bring anything else  
tonight?  
  
She seemed to think that you’d be awake  
early today. 

I thought that seemed a  
little strange.

I’M UP  
  
I’M UP  
  
I’M AWAKE

At 8:42AM on a Saturday?  
  
Do you have an appointment somewhere?  
  
Do you need a ride?

No, no, man, thank you.

I’ve been up since closer to 5:30,  
actually.

Haven’t actually been able to sleep.

!!

Jack!!!

Why didn’t you say something?!

NO, NOTHING’S WRONG, I PROMISE

I’M JUST SUPER AMPED UP ABOUT  
SOMETHING  
  
I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT IT LATER, OKAY?

This is very weird.

You are up before 11AM on a  
weekend, and you are being very vague,  
and using all capital letters.

I use capital letters all the time??

I am just going to wait until tonight. Both  
you and Tooth are acting very excitable  
this morning.  
  
Please let me know if you want the meat  
or vegetarian option tonight!  
  
Also, if this is about that lovely letter lady,  
and I suspect that it is, then know that  
my only word of advice is this:  
  
;) 

oh god

* * *

 **TOOTH**  

I’M UP

I’VE BEEN UP SINCE 530 OR SO

NO COFFEE

JUST NERVES

SORRY I WENT FOR A RUN

JUST GOT BACK

TOOTH??

WHERE’D YOU GO

DAMMIT

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 8:32 AM  
Subject:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com> 

dear bunny,

you useless sack of

_  
Draft saved._

* * *

**Elsa:** Good morning!

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 8:32 AM  
Subject:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

dear bunny, 

you useless sack of  
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

_Draft saved.  
_

* * *

**Jack:** Hey. :)  
Good morning!  
Or afternoon, I mean?

 **Elsa:** It occurred to me that I don't know what time you like to get up on the weekends.  
I hope this isn't too early! 

 **Jack:** nah! I got up and went for a run around six.

 **Elsa:** You're a runner?

 **Jack:** oh whoah, no.  
No no no no  
"Runner" implies that I enjoy running.  
I need to kill that misconception right there. 

 **Elsa:** You don't?

 **Jack:** “Enjoy” is a strong word.  
I run, but I wouldn't call myself a runner.  
If I'm running, id rather it be to get somewhere.  
Or while playing a game, like soccer or basketball.  
Or away from a yeti. 

 **Elsa:** Oh? Is that what you were doing this morning?  
Running away from a yeti?

 **Jack:** not yet  
but it's still early, y’know  
well. for me, anyway.  
BUT THIS IS GOOD  
because now I'll finally have time to answer all the questions I've been meaning to finish for days 

 **Elsa:** I agree! This is much easier.  
Perhaps not as helpful to the sanctity of penpalship, but easier all the same. 

 **Jack:** IM OKAY WITH IT IF YOU ARE  
sorry  
That's was not supposed to be all caps  
I do that sometimes  
And I just noticed that I was also starting to slack on the capitalization for a minute there, too.  
I tend to alternate between “no caps” and “ALL CAPS” 

 **Elsa:** On purpose? 

 **Jack:** Sometimes.  
A lot.  
Often. 

 **Elsa:** I guess I should prepare myself for a LOUD CONVERSATION.  
I should have brought ear plugs.

 **Jack:** ONE SECOND 

 **Elsa:** Jack?  
Where did you go?

 **Jack:** Look at what I just e-mailed you. ;)

 **Elsa:** It's a blank email?  
With an attachment.  
Is that face winking at me?  
Why is it winking?  
What is in that file? 

 **Jack:** Oh my god. Elsa.  
I beg you, please do not insinuate anything further, just open the file.  
Oh my god. 

 **Elsa:** What am I insinuating?

 **Jack:** Just look!! 

 **Elsa:** It's the drawing I sent you yesterday?

 **Jack:** And???

 **Elsa:** And it’s....?  
OH  
oh!  
You've drawn me in as well!  
I'm at the seat next to you!  
And I'm eating a large slice of pizza? 

 **Jack:** uhhhh no, sorry not the best artist  
that's your dress  
Elsa?  
you're laughing aren't you  
I can feel it

 **Elsa:** I'm so sorry.  
It's lovely. 

 **Jack:** you liar :P  
yeah, well do you know what else is lovely?  
Look what else I drew for you

 **Elsa:** Headphones?  
Ah!!  
Ear plugs!!  
You drew ear plugs for my stick figure!

 **Jack:** I HOPE THEY WORK  
BECAUSE I am never drawing again  
that was awful 

 **Elsa:** No!!!  
Don't stop on my account!!

 **Jack:** It's too late  
the damage is done  
dreams = crushed  
add that to my list of things i do poorly  
along with capitalization 

 **Elsa:** The lists!  
What would you like to start with first?  
(And I haven't forgotten about this drawing business.) 

 **Jack:** RIGHT YES  
lists  
how about  
since i’m the one who came up with the idea of doing this impressions game, and i’ve absolutely sucked at completing it myself, i’ll start with that 

 **Elsa:** You weren’t kidding about the lack of capitalization. 

 **Jack:** DON’T JUDGE, it’s easier  
also, there is A LOT TO SAY and i don’t know how much time we have to say it, so humor me 

 **Elsa:** Don’t worry. It’s actually becoming a bit of a habit.  
:P 

 **Jack:** you made a tongue face!!  
wait  
what’s a habit?  
not judging me, or humoring me? 

 **Elsa:** You were saying something about lists?

 **Jack:** right  
FINE, okay  
here is a list of my impressions of you, based on the information you have so graciously provided, our communications thus far, and my rather poor interpretive and speculative skills:  
(please don’t be offended, please)  
i bet  
you are generally a no-nonsense type  
unless, i’m assuming, it comes to anna  
or maybe you’re more of a no-nonsense type with anna?  
no  
maybe not.  
maybe you enjoy her nonsense, most of the time, but have no trouble breaking out the no-nonsense for when somebody needs to be no-nonsense, when somebody needs to be sensible, because you are  
how am i doing so far 

 **Elsa:** Not bad.  
I’m not offended, so you’re off to a good start. :) 

 **Jack:** super.  
no pressure. 

 **Elsa:** I’m just kidding!

 **Jack:** i have made an egregious error with your character.  
you are not no-nonsense at all. 

 **Elsa:** Oh my goodness, you are too much.  
Here, let me try:

 **Jack:** oh god  
what are you typing  
it's been like four minutes  
elsa 

 **Elsa:** You care very deeply for your little sister, which I think is something that drew my attention quite from the beginning, as soon as you mentioned her. Although the relationship between you and your sister is very different from what I share with Anna, it’s a feeling I understand very well.  
  
I suspect that you think about her rather a lot, and even though you joke often about her growing need for independence and her finicky state of adolescence, that she actually admires you quite fully (of which you are perfectly aware, and flattered by, and perhaps even confused by, because you want so badly to be a positive role model for her, and aren’t always quite sure how you fit into that role). I imagine that you would do just about anything for her, and as important as it is to let her have her space, you still miss her quite a bit.  
  
I understand that part, in particular.  
  
Jack?

 **Jack:** i am so bad at this.

 **Elsa:** I’m sorry!!  
Was that too much?

 **Jack:** no, no, LITERALLY everything you said  
it’s not wrong, that’s for sure 

 **Elsa:** Ahh, I’m sorry!!

 **Jack:** no, wait  
stop!  
it’s not like  
intrusive or invasive or anything like that, or whatever it is i’m sure you’re worried about  
not worrying  
okay, MAYBE worrying?  
this is my point  
I AM SO NOT GOOD AT THIS i am not a reliable impressions partner  
you hit me right on the money

 **Elsa:** I’ve always felt that was an interesting expression.  
You’re not upset?

 **Jack:** hell no  
i’m just trying to figure out how I CAN DO THIS BETTER  
okay  
okay, lemme try again 

 **Elsa:** Oh, dear. Is this a competition?

 **Jack:** Nooo!  
unless it’s against myself, lol  
OKAY HOLD ON I KNOW YOU BETTER THAN THIS, i think  
here i go: 

 **Elsa:** Ahahaha, okay.

 **Jack:** (you LAUGHED)  
okay.  
i think you're very careful with your personal information for a lot of different reasons. i won’t pretend to know much about any of them, because that would sorta go against the whole reason for not disclosing them in the first place, but i will say that it adds to this picture i have in my head of this sensible, no-nonsense, “don’t take no prisoners” persona, who can be clipped and formal and professional one minute and open and personable the next--but only sometimes. with certain people, i guess. like anna, and maybe her husband? (do you like her husband?? i remember you saying that there was another guy before that, and he sounded like a douche.)  
sorry, maybe that was too much opinion 

 **Elsa:** You are certainly not wrong.

 **Jack:** really? what i said about your persona, or the douche?

 **Elsa:** Both, I suppose, but definitely the latter.

 **Jack:** is it hella awkward that i keep calling this guy a douche  
because i can stop that  
(or continue, with fervor, depending on the needs of the conversation) 

 **Elsa:** I have another:

 **Jack:** SHIT  
elsa i’m sorry  
oh my god  
so much TYPING  
I DIDN’T MEAN TO BE OFFENSIVE  
OKAY  
I”M SORRY  
ELSA  
WAIT  
THINK BEFORE YOU WRITE 

 **Elsa:** I think you rather enjoy, or take great pride in, lightening conversations or situations that have the potential to grow uncomfortable, even at the slightest hint. Once you sense the potential awkwardness, you then take it upon yourself to create a distraction, most likely a different sense of discomfort—to be shouldered entirely upon yourself—either by creating a diversion that completely distracts from the topic, OR blatantly draws attention to the topic in an attempt to simply lay it on the table and roll right over the awkwardness by facing it head-on, and taking the brunt of it yourself.  
  
Sorry, now that I reread that, it seems a little intense.  
I didn’t mean for it to be!

 **Jack:** should i be concerned or  
  
**Elsa:** Concerned about what?

 **Jack:** (1) IF MY AWKWARDNESS or strategies for dealing with awkwardness, which ive never thought about before, IS UNCOMFORTABLE FOR YOU, in which case, i’m sorry  
or  
(2) how the hell are you able to write all that out so easily and so quickly, i swear to god  
“i have trouble putting my thoughts into words”  
i am calling bullshit  
right now. 

 **Elsa:** To be fair, I _have_ spent a bit of time this week considering what I was going to write to you.  
So I have that added advantage of already having a bit more of my thoughts in order.

 **Jack:** really??  
you were thinking about this?? :) 

 **Elsa:** Jack.

 **Jack:** yeah, all right, i know.  
but seriously though  
that doesn’t mean ANYTHING, because i spent a LOT of time thinking about what i was gonna write  
(don’t ask me how much, it’s embarrassing)  
which is 97% of the reason why i hadn’t written anything yet, because i felt like everything i could have said wasn’t right, or didn’t fit 

 **Elsa:** If it’s any consolation, I have spent most of my life learning how to best communicate and interact with others in ways that would benefit both parties.  
Even if that meant not communicating at all.  
Diplomacy, if you will.  
I have a lot of experience in reading the behaviors of others, because it is incredibly vital to my line of work.  
But even so, all of these impressions are merely speculations.  
And no. I am not bothered by your “awkwardness,” or whatever it is that you were rambling about.  
You are so excitable.

 **Jack:** you are mentally comparing me to a puppy  
aren’t you  
i can feel it

 **Elsa:** In a lot of ways, you remind me of my sister.  
And yes. I occasionally compare her to Sven. 

 **Jack:** SVEN  
ELSA  
please  
please do me a favor  
please send me a picture of him in his christmas sweater  
i know anna sent you billions  
from the postcards i wasn’t supposed to receive  
(or read)  
please, take pity and send me one 

 **Elsa:** Oh, goodness. You know, the best part of this is that I was actually wondering if you might actually request one.  
And after your kitten gif last night, I decided to dig one up for you.  
Just in case.

 **Jack:** holy shit, really?  
also  
i do not know how i feel about being compared to your sister  
who is married  
and is your sister  
and who has a plethora of wonderful, great qualities  
i am sure  
but 

 **Elsa:** Check your inbox!

 **Jack:** oh my god  
he’s so BIG  
this is not what i was expecting  
holy shit, he loves it 

 **Elsa:** He’s an anomaly. :)  
I have another impression: 

 **Jack:** shit  
WAIT  
i haven’t had my turn yet!  
okay i’ll race you:  
_Sent at 8:55 AM on Saturday_  

 **Jack:** i think there is actually a difference in the way that you expressed yourself in the beginning of our correspondence and the way you are expressing yourself now (and i don’t just mean the drawing and stuff either) which makes me think that, little by little, you’re actually growing more okay with the idea of talking to a random stranger with poor grammatical and punctuation habits over the internet, and that even if it’s not something you were particularly keen on trying in the beginning, i have somehow managed to wiggle myself into your “tolerance” zone, where you actually humor, or at least _endure_ , my shenanigans. which makes me think that you aren’t actually as distrustful as you claim to be, just very careful, and that you do _want_ to trust people, but you just need a little bit of time and convincing.

i think.

 **Jack:** THERE i won  
wow you’re still typing  
what are you writing?? D: **  
  
Elsa: ** I think you genuinely love to make other people laugh. I won’t delve into the reasons, because I feel that it would be too personal--and having never met you, I don’t have the right--but I think that you take pleasure in doing good for others, and acts of kindness. (I may or may not be referring to the simple, unexpected act of a stranger sending a mis-mailed postcard overseas to its clueless sender, or the outright refusal of monetary compensation-- _twice_.) I think these values are so deeply ingrained in your day-to-day compass that it perplexes you when someone thinks to mention it, because for you, this mentality simply _is_.  
  
I think you are a rare breed, especially in days such as these. I don’t know what kind of impression you might have left on me, had we first met in-person, but I feel confident in saying that it would have been a memorable one.

 **Jack:**!  
…. !! 

 **Elsa:** I also think you have a bit of a drinking problem.

 **Jack:** WHA  
ELSA 

 **Elsa:** :)  
Just kidding, of course. 

 **Jack:** YOU  
i don’t  
i don’t know how to respond to that  
that was a dirty trick, btw  
if my head weren’t still reeling from what you said before, i would be UNQUESTIONABLY PROUD of your trickery 

 **Elsa:** I shall hold that honor close to my heart for all time.

 **Jack:** you are doing it again.  
you are TEASING.  
mocking.  
one or the other. 

 **Elsa:** It is rather unfair of me… I have plenty of ammunition, whereas you have none.

 **Jack:** no, no, sorry, that wasn’t what i was trying to say  
i actually like it  
wait  
i mean, i don’t MIND it  
you know what, fuck it  
yeah, i actually like it  
because i am weak and it’s hilarious and i have never been mocked by a european lady before  
(there’s a first time for everything) 

 **Elsa:** To my knowledge, I have never been analyzed by an American student before?  
  
**Jack:** not even in college? :)  
which was………?  
in california?  
texas?  
virginia?  
sayyyy  
the northeast? 

 **Elsa:** You are also not particularly subtle.

 **Jack:** You are very perceptive.

 **Elsa:** You often intentionally bear the weight of awkwardness to lift the discomfort from others, but when you, yourself, feel unexpectedly embarrassed, your defensive-reflexes are very quick.

 **Jack:** You are very CANDID.

 **Elsa:** As are you!!

 **Jack:** i win  
(so i lied, i am a little competitive)  
elsa?  
_Sent at 9:02 AM on Saturday_

elsa?  
i’m sorry!  
okay!!  
you win!  
you win!!! 

 **Elsa:** Jack, it’s okay!  
I was just saying goodbye to a few relatives. They are heading off for a Valentine’s Day adventure. 

 **Jack:** oh.  
so, you guys celebrate that there? 

 **Elsa:** Most who studied extensively in America do.

 **Jack:** but you don’t?

 **Elsa:** I suppose I appreciated the celebration of sweets and flowers, but I always felt it was a highly commercialized American gimmick. I’ve always felt that true affection should be expressed every day, rather than lauded once every February.

And that greeting cards shouldn’t dictate how people express their care for one another.  
  
People show their emotions in vastly different ways, and pressuring a society to conform to a particular notion never really held much stock.  
  
But I did always make sure to shop for discounted chocolate. :)   
  
Sorry, I don’t mean to downplay the day, especially if it’s something you and your friends celebrate!  
I suppose I got a bit carried away, myself. 

 **Jack:** nah, it’s fine.  
we mostly just drink beer and watch sappy rom-coms. 

 **Elsa:** Ah. I have another confession:  
I only knew what that expression meant because of Anna.  
Rom-coms, that is.  
She’s quite the romantic herself.  
In fact—and I wasn’t going to mention this, but—she and Kristoff are actually out on a Valentine’s Day adventure of their own.  
I’m enjoying the day by drinking tea and reading a few books and enjoying the fresh air.  
And talking to you, of course.  
They live in Montreal, you know.

 **Jack:** CANADA  
whoah, what the hell was she doing all the way down in burgess, then? 

 **Elsa:** She attended university near there. She loved the campus, and the location, and it met her needs for her academic programs quite well.

And the reason for why she was drawn to it in the first place is a little known fact, and so ridiculous that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget it, though I might like to.

 **Jack:** omg what

 **Elsa:** I’m assuming you’ve no doubt seen the slogan: “Virginia is for lovers.”  
  
**Jack:** yes?

 **Elsa:** That’s it.  
That’s why she wanted to find a school in Virginia. 

 **Jack:**!!!  
what  
how??  
you are kidding 

 **Elsa:** I wish I were.  
We were still very young when she first saw it--eight or nine, perhaps? We were living in Denmark at the time, and during a rather large wave of tourism, Anna saw someone’s t-shirt.  
It stuck. 

 **Jack:** oh my god  
crappy t-shirts with crappy virginia slogans ensnaring young scholars since 1969  
but  
the slogan  
it’s true you know  
:) 

 **Elsa:** Apparently.  
It’s where she met her husband after all. 

 **Jack:** :P

 **Elsa:** Kristoff was studying agriculture and was doing a few months of fieldwork in Virginia as part of an international co-op, so the two of them met merely by chance. My sister is currently in the process of attaining her dual citizenship.

 **Jack:** for canada and denmark?

 **Elsa:** :P

 **Jack:** :P

 **Elsa:** Sorry. I’d rather save that answer for another day.

 **Jack:** okay. :P  
I WILL SURVIVE, haha  
maybe  
JUST KIDDING  
my jokes do not translate very well through message either  
do they 

 **Elsa:** I have another assumption:  
You make jokes when you are nervous.  
Or, at least, more so than usual.  
_Sent at 9:13 AM on Saturday_

Jack?  
Sorry!!  
Was that okay?  
I’m sorry!!  
Confession: Anna tells me that for all my training in diplomacy, my true nature is often rather direct.  
She calls it “sudden attack of the introvert,” or something.  
And a whole other bunch of things that I am not willing to dignify with acknowledgement.  
Jack? 

 **Jack:** Sorry!!  
my computer froze for a second  
don’t know what that was about  
NO IT’S OKAY  
AND YES  
you are right D:  
i am apparently a lot more transparent than i thought. 

 **Elsa:** Oh, god. This is terrible.  
I did not log on today with the intention of insulting you. 

 **Jack:** elsa, lol, omg no  
if you were insulting me  
i have a feeling i would definitely feel it 

 **Elsa:** I am not sure whether I should feel relieved or wary.  
Or insulted.  
;) 

 **Jack:** you WINKED  
! 

 **Elsa:** My god, you’re right.  
I don’t think I’ve ever used that emoticon before.  
Honestly.  
I don’t know what’s come over me. 

 **Jack:** lol, i love being a terrible influence  
i am so honored  
my heart is filled with warmth 

 **Elsa:** You are so strange.

 **Jack:** you are DELIGHTFUL  
and i apparently am either (1) still intoxicated or (2) being online with an international stranger is another terrible influence on me, because my inhibitions level is dwindling steadily closer to zero  
apparently  
i am going to stop now.  
before i do something else incredibly embarrassing. 

 **Elsa:** Oh! Hold on one second, please.  
I need to take a phone call. 

 **Jack:** sure!  
(or are you making a run for it)  
(i promise i’m not really intoxicated)  
(remember the kitten gifs, elsa)  
_Sent at 9:18 AM on Saturday_  

 **Elsa:** Hello again! I’m back.  
Sorry about that. 

 **Jack:** no problem.

 **Elsa:** That was a call from Anna, actually.

 **Jack:** THE anna? 

 **Elsa:** The one and only.  
She actually knows about you now, by the way.

 **Jack:**!!  
you have communicated my existence to the outside realm of your world?  
yessss  
what’s my title? 

 **Elsa:** Your what?

 **Jack:** my “codename,” as it were  
for example, my friend sandy (who’s one of the ones that helped me figure out your age with that ridiculous math problem) likes to refer to you as the “lovely letter lady”  
mostly because he likes alliteration or something, i don’t know  
and my dear dentist friend, who was the one to eventually solve it, usually refers to you as “that one you’re always writing to”  
(because her knack for logistics and procedures means that she tends to lack artistic creativity, even if she is BRILLIANT)  
all of this because i haven’t actually told them your name  
which, by the way, i’m sorry i didn’t ask before if it was okay to tell them about you  
i promise i kept it really general and vague  
and i haven’t told them anything about you in particular  
just the penpalship  
and i didn’t know if you’d mind them knowing your name, but i figured i wouldn’t say it until i knew for sure  
even then, i’m not really sure if that’s something i’d share anyway, but whatever. 

 **Elsa:** It’s interesting, actually, how much you can tell about a person by the monikers someone assigns to another.  
Both the presenter and the presented.  
I’m afraid I’ve made a rather strong point of telling Anna to call you only by your name.  
And I didn’t even think to ask you before sharing your name!! 

 **Jack:** wait no, it’s okay!!  
i totally don’t mind!  
as long as you’re not telling them to call me jackson  
because then  
we’d have a problem  
:) :) 

 **Elsa:** Ahahaha, no, no, I haven’t.

 **Jack:** GOOD  
that is a relief.  
also, i take it as a general assumption that my ridiculousness usually ends up in some sort of conversation somewhere  
so i am not entirely unused to the feeling :P  
elsa? 

 **Elsa:** Jack, I have a question to ask you.

 **Jack:** uh. should i be worried?

 **Elsa:** No, no!  
At least.  
I don’t think so. 

 **Jack:** i’m worried.

 **Elsa:** No, wait. I’m sorry.  
Let me explain:  
I wasn’t going to mention this, but Anna positively INSISTED just now while she called...  
(And normally, while I am indeed the kind to humor her requests, I am also very strict in holding my ground when my values are on the line.) 

 **Jack:** oh my god, where is this going

 **Elsa:** Here is what I should tell you: this entire penpalship is a completely new experience for me and, to be quite honest, I have rather felt out of my element from the very beginning.

 **Jack:** oh. well.  
you’re not alone in that :P

 **Elsa:** Right, which is. Well. Which is why I think it’s gotten progressively so much easier.  
Because you have just about as little an idea of what you’re doing as I do.  
Sorry. That sounded so much better in my head. 

 **Jack:** lol, nope, still right on the mark.

 **Elsa:** Anyway, the point is that, against all of my better judgment (and to my own continued, pleasant surprise), I have actually grown increasingly comfortable with our exchanges, even to the point of shocking myself with my own audacity.

Which is why I am feeling particularly brave—or, perhaps, rather bold—in letting you know that Anna has been pestering me for days to make use of her Facebook account.

 **Jack:** wait  
do you mean 

 **Elsa:** I mean that even though I myself do not have an account, Anna has made it repeatedly clear that she is MORE than willing to allow me access, so that we might seek out each other’s profiles.

 **Jack:** you ARE saying what i think you’re saying  
right??  
are you sure??? 

 **Elsa:** Not at all.  
But I think I’d like to try?  
Would that be a horrible invasion of privacy?

Her account is mostly pictures of herself and her friends, of course. She only has a few pictures of me, mostly because I hate having them taken, and I especially hate having them posted online.  
But!  
It would be rather interesting to have a face to match the words, wouldn’t it?  
Is this a terrible idea or…? 

 **Jack:** hell YES i am all for this  
but only if you’re really okay with this!!  
i totally don’t mind waiting, even  
but  
for the record  
(i am still totally 100% okay with you living under a bridge  
just be aware that i will then owe my uncle five bucks :P)  
  
**Elsa:** Rest assured that I do not live under a bridge. :P

 **Jack:** :P 

 **Elsa:** :P

 **Jack:** OKAY I TRUST YOU  
BUT I WON’T JUDGE  
EITHER WAY  
promise  
oh my god.  
wow, are you really sure you’re okay with this??  
like  
this is a lot of trust, and a huge show of  
of  
well it’s a huge show of something 

 **Elsa:** Are you trying to talk me out of this?  
Are YOU okay with this??  
Oh, god, I didn’t even think of that. 

 **Jack:** WHAT no  
elsa no  
believe me  
i am SO for this idea  
i just  
i’m gonna sound like a total dweeb, but i'm just gonna go ahead and say it anyway  
i'm just  
really conscientious of how much you value your privacy?? and like, i know this can't be easy for you, and i really appreciate that you're willing to even allow me this much inside knowledge into your life, so the idea of being able to see what you look like is sorta something i never actually expected??  
dammit  
i am totally digging myself a dweeb grave here 

 **Elsa:** :)

 **Jack:** i refuse to say anymore.

 **Elsa:** Ahahah, okay. Then let me at this:  
This proposal, like any proper deal, comes with its caveats.  
Anna has modified her personal information to the privacy settings I have requested, which displays nothing of great importance of all.

The other condition is one that is not a great favor to you, simply by the nature of the medium; I for one have very few pictures available on this site, whereas the assumption is that you probably have many...

...which leads me to the rather painful admission that I am the one who has the selfish desire to place a face to the messages.

Which is the reason why I am actually suggesting this trade.

Unfairly.

I feel that I need to point that out once more. 

 **Jack:** if this is what selfishness looks like for you then i'd be damn interested in knowing what what you think generosity looks like  
COUNT ME IN  
shit  
i was totally not expecting to wake up to something like this 

 **Elsa:** Are you curious? 

 **Jack:** YES  
of course  
but i also don't want you to get the impression that it's a big deal or anything  
i mean it is  
but mostly only because you guard your privacy so fiercely, and now i feel responsible for guarding it too  
but aesthetically, i'm sayin  
although i must warn you  
i am a handsome devil 

 **Elsa:** Indeed? 

 **Jack:** indeed!  
your stick figure did me quite a bit of justice, in fact  
there is an uncanny resemblance 

 **Elsa:** I'll keep an eye open for pizza-shaped dresses, to match. 

 **Jack:** now that  
that was hurtful 

 **Elsa:** :) 

 **Jack:** :)  
:) :)  
okay  
i am really excited 

 **Elsa:** Actually.  
So am I. 

 **Jack:** !! 

 **Elsa:** !  
I have never written so many exclamation points all at once before. 

 **Jack:** !!!!!!!  
it is very liberating!!!! 

 **Elsa:** All right. Speaking of liberating, I'm going to go for a walk!  
I'll probably near the computer again later, so please feel free to message me if you're online and you're not busy with your friends. 

 **Jack:** yeah, of course!  
that won't be for a long time, anyway 

 **Elsa:** In the meantime... check your inbox! 

 **Jack:** checking!! 

 **Elsa:** I've just sent you the alias Anna's Facebook is currently under, as well as the e-mail address linked to her account.  
I trust you to not misuse that information. :) 

 **Jack:** marshmallows?? 

 **Elsa:** Trust me, it's better not to ask. 

 **Jack:** :) :) 

 **Elsa:** Also, this goes without saying, but please feel free to friend her. :)  
Talk to you later!  
:) 

 _Elsa is offline._  

* * *

**TOOTH**

TOOTH PICK UP YOUR PHONE

URGENT

I HAVE BEEN GIVEN ACCESS TO HER  
FACEBOOK INFORMATION

WITH THE PROMISE OF FRIENDING HER  
AND REVEALING MYSELF

BUT MY FACEBOOK

THERE ARE DEFINITELY SUMMER OF  
2013 PHOTOS ON THERE  
  
AND THAT ONE NIGHT IN TORONTO  
  
AND GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE

I REFUSE TO LOOK AT HERS UNTIL I KNOW  
MY FACEBOOK IS PRESENTABLE

WE GOTTA CLEAN THIS SHIT UP  
  
HELP

* * *

[ 3 / 6 ] 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Facebook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _1/30/15_. Two consecutive snow days = lots of time to write. ;) **Beta'd** by **ALISON** and **ABBY** , as usual. :) <3
> 
> ALSO, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check out [prinskristoff](http://prinskristoff.tumblr.com)'s _gorgeous_ jelsa edit for CTPFF [here](http://prinskristoff.tumblr.com/post/109143981049)! ~~I will never be over it.~~

_Facebook_

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Sat, Feb 14, 2015 at 11:34 AM  
Subject:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

  
what the fuck.

part of me _knew_ that i should have just left things the way they were, but i am a greedy suckbag, and i was curious, and you know how i am when i’m curious and now everything is five hundred times worse

let me explain:

this morning was awesome. this morning was going to be awesome no matter what, because she suggested that we find some time to both be online at the same time, and i woke up about four hours too early for our 9am scheduled talking time, because i was like a little fucking kid at christmas, and i was actually okay with that. 530. on a saturday morning. i don’t even recognize myself anymore. i went for a run in the snow, too, but that’s beside the point.

the point is that an hour of conversation flew by before i’d even realized it, and before i knew it she was offering me something i never once ever even thought might actually happen, because i know how fiercely she guards her privacy and i’m just some random kid whose e-mails happen to be entertaining or something, idk

she sent me her sister’s e-mail address and told me to find her sister on facebook, so i could see pictures of her. and also, mostly, so i could friend her sister and she could see pictures of ME, too, but i’ll get back to that.

because i saw pictures of her.

this girl.

is fucking with me. and maybe not even on purpose. i don’t think she’s actually the kind to be mean just for kicks, or whatever, because that’s not the kind of vibe i get from her messages (but then again, what the fuck do i know) but there is obviously more to this than i really let myself believe, because no matter how many different angles i look at it from, all i see is me: this broke-ass fucker from small-town virginia trying to live it out in new york, trying to chat up a sweet smart girl in norway/denmark/some unknown part of europe, and

she is fucking beautiful.

and the weirdest part is that i sort of already had a feeling she was??

that sounds terrible. you know i’m not a superficial kind of guy. (at least. i didn’t think i was.) i just had this general feeling that she was pretty, i guess, because i’m into her personality, but i never actually had any sort of picture in my head of her face, or her features or other stupid shit like that. she just talks so differently sometimes, and for a while i figured that was because of the language, and the translations or whatever, but after a few e-mails i started thinking that maybe it had more to do with her education than her language training, and that she must have gone to school somewhere really well off, or that she took it very seriously. and then it wasn’t even really enough, after that, where it didn’t feel like the whole picture. like all those things might have been true, but not the major reason, and then i started learning more about what she does every day, even if i still know absolutely fucking nothing, and started thinking that maybe it’s related to her work, and it just translates over into her more personal e-mails—or less professional ones, whatever—because she’s just so used to talking that way all the time, and it just carried over.

she is definitely out of my league.

which is, you know, hilarious, because apparently all this time i’d been sort of secretly hoping that she might be in it, or something, stupid-ass fucker that i am, like something might actually work out between two strangers who live on different continents.

she is classy. her clothes are very simple, but they look like they cost a lot of money, but it’s not like i would know. she’s very refined. her sister is adorable, and her sister’s husband is roughly the size of a house, and is built like one, and they all look very happy together, and i may or may not have just spent the last hour looking at all of them. she’s only in about 8 pictures.

she hates having her picture taken. she loves having them, but hates having them taken. she looks very good in every single one of them, literally from every angle, and in comparison i look like a shmuck. slob. both.

i spent almost an hour going through and changing all of my facebook settings and deleting/hiding the worst of my pictures before i even attempted looking for her, and afterwards i just keep feeling like why? what was the point? why bother?

like. i take pride in my appearance, and i wouldn’t part with this hoodie for anything less than the promise of death, and i happen to do pretty well at the whole “i put the stud in student” persona thank you very much, and i am not at all even the tiniest bit concerned that she won’t find me attractive, because i am. attractive. I know this. i’m not saying that she won’t, because she probably will. i hope. whatever.

i just can’t figure out for the life of me what she’s going to think when she sees my pictures.

because i feel like this is just the icing on the cake. or the lead in my cement. fuck the analogies, i don’t care. so far i’ve given her this impression where i’m some spastic kid who doesn’t know exactly what he’s supposed to be doing, so he does everything and has like 47 jobs, who doesn’t have a set schedule and wears clothes he still wore all the time in college and gets drunk and snowboards on the weekends and eats pizza. like. what is she supposed to do with that?

and she’s gonna go on my facebook and see all my stupid pictures, where we’re all doing crazy shit in supermarkets with grocery carts (not you, you’re standing grumpy in the background somewheres) or running mud races or eating junk food at amusement parks. i have beach photos on there. i have really inappropriate sand creation beach photos on there. i debated for fifteen minutes whether or not i should delete them, the first time, and after brooding over her fucking gorgeous pictures for a disgusting amount of time i went back and hid them twice. because i kept changing the settings. because i couldn't decide if it was worth it to hide my shit when she already knew so much about how i am, anyway, or if it was even worth hiding in any case, or if it would even make a difference. i ended up leaving them visible.

i hid the toronto pictures though. fuck that. no one actually needs to see that shitshow.

whatever. she’s gonna think whatever she’s gonna think, and that’ll be the end of it.

* * *

  **TOOTH**

hey. so the last thing i want to  
do is rain on our valentine’s party.  
  
so hide your vodka.

What happened?

Is everything okay?

Did you sleep in accidentally?

I’m so sorry!! I knew I should  
have just called you!!! :(

no, i woke up on time.

i talked to her this morning for  
an hour.

it was fantastic.

Is that sarcasm?

no. it was actually fucking  
awesome. we talked for an  
hour.

i already said that didn’t i

it was fun.

Then what happened?

Is she all right?

she’s totally fine.

very fine.

it’s stupid.

i’ll explain it later. i just wanted  
to warn you so you don’t think  
i’m trying to ruin our date night  
on purpose. i’m bringing the  
movies. happiest, sappiest,  
stupidest shit i could find.

Well, just call me now! I’m  
baking the cookies, and I just  
put them in the oven.

You know what? Just come over.

okay. i’m leaving in five.

and tooth.

i was totally kidding about  
the vodka.

One step ahead of you.

* * *

  **Anna**

well???

You’re supposed to be  
focusing on your date.

kristoff is the one who asked,  
for the record.  
  
nosy bugger. ;)

you’re not responding.

what’s wrong?

He hasn’t e-mailed me  
back yet.

well, that’s okay! you said he  
had plans, didn’t you?

Yes.

But I thought there was still  
plenty of time until he’d leave.  
  
I was hoping that he might send  
something quickly, at least. Maybe  
a line or two.

This is ridiculous.

I am ridiculous.

so you’re just curious! and you  
want to talk to him again!!  
  
cute butt jack. can’t get enough ;)

  
Has he friended you yet?

  
i don’t know.

i promised SOMEONE i wouldn’t  
check my facebook this weekend.

because SOMEONE wanted to make  
sure that they got to see his pics first  
  
someone greedy

but rightfully so.

SOMEONE who could check the  
facebook account herself

elsa?

  
That would make it worse, I think.

what?

why?

Because if he’s friended you on  
Facebook, it’ll have meant that he’s  
seen what I look like.  
  
And it’ll mean that he’ll have seen  
my face, and that he still hasn’t  
sent me a message.

well maybe you have just rendered  
him speechless  
  
you tend to have that effect on men,  
y’know

This individual is not exactly the type  
to be speechless, Anna.  
  
This is absurd.  
  
Why am I worrying so much?

because you worry. <3 <3

and because you like him.

elsa?

you’re ignoring my texts again,  
aren’t you

i have rendered you speechless  
  
with my beauty  
  
and my truth  
  
freedom and love  
  
we should watch moulin rouge again  
soon  
  
i feel like that is a great life choice  
  
elsa?

you okay??

are you checking facebook now?

WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE???

p.s. if his butt isn’t cute don’t tell me  
  
let me dream  
  
just kidding, i can totally sense that  
his butt is cute  
  
oops, kristoff saw that, never mind

* * *

 **Elsa:** Good morning!  
I wasn’t expecting you to be online, but I’m glad I caught you!

 **Jack:** Hey! Good afternoon!  
Evening?  
Sorry I wasn’t around last night. I ended up leaving for my friend’s a lot earlier than I thought I would. The general shenanigans ensued and I didn’t actually check my phone for pretty much the whole rest of the day, otherwise I would have sent an e-mail.  
Sorry about that.

 **Elsa:** That’s all right! No need to apologize.

 **Jack:** Hahah, okay.  
_Sent at 11:09 AM on Sunday_

 **Jack:** So.

 **Elsa:** So.  
I see that you’ve friended my sister on Facebook! She was very excited to receive it, haha.  
I gave her explicit instructions that she wasn’t to look at her account until today, because I selfishly wanted to ensure that I was able to see your pictures first.  
She even had to delete the app from her phone temporarily, in fact. Her self-control is not always the strongest.  
Kristoff also had to play supervisor for a time, haha.  
I hope you don’t mind that she’ll see your pictures, too… I assumed that you were all right with it, because you would be friending her, but please don’t feel obligated to keep the friendship if you’d rather not. Neither of us will be offended!

 **Jack:** Nah, that’s okay. I don’t mind.  
There’s just a bunch of really lame pictures, anyway, so it’s no big deal.  
So I’m guessing you saw them, then?

 **Elsa:** Yes! Thank you so much for sharing them, by the way.  
I didn’t think about it much before, but it’s really very nice to be able have at least something to picture now.  
I’m sorry my selection was so limited!

 **Jack:** No, don't worry, there was plenty to appreciate.  
To look at, I mean.  
I feel like I got a pretty clear picture of what you look like now, for the most part.

 **Elsa:** And yet, as always, you’ve offered up so much more!  
I feel like I learned so much about you.  
Like the paintball pictures, for example.  
Your face is very animated.  
I always had this feeling that you had a very expressionate face, and that your features would often match the tone of your words, but now I think I have very much underestimated just how fully you express them.

 **Jack:** Haha, yeah, I tend to do that.  
That paintball album is a bit of an extreme example though.  
We were all a little nuts that morning.  
Adrenaline, and things.

 **Elsa:** Your capitalization is back, I noticed. And your punctuation! Have you been writing another paper?

 **Jack:** Nah, not this morning. I still have another week or two before any major projects, so I’ll save them for tomorrow after work.

 **Elsa:** Oh? Where will you be working?  
Only if you feel comfortable sharing, that is.

 **Jack:** Yeah, of course.  
Tomorrow is just a quick graphic design thing. It’s mostly a favor for a friend, but he’s willing to pay me nicely for it.  
So it’s actually more of a favor to me, I guess.  
Anyway.  
How was your weekend? Did you finish all of your books?  
What have you been up to all day?

 **Elsa:** Actually.  
Packing, to be honest.

 **Jack:** Yeah?

 **Elsa:** Yes. It's finally time to bring my holiday to an end.  
I’ll be flying back home in just a matter of hours, actually.

 **Jack:** Oh, shit, really?  
Is it stupid if I ask you how that feels?

 **Elsa:** No, no, of course it's not.  
I just wish I knew how to answer.

 **Jack:** Huh.  
So will your timezone be changing?

 **Elsa:** Not my current one, no.  
I’m actually not going very far, to be honest.  
We did a bit of traveling this morning too, so I’m actually much closer.  
  
**Jack:** Oh. Cool.  
That’s convenient.

 **Elsa:** From here, it’s just under a five hour drive to where I live, and just over an hour if I fly.  
I don’t mind busses and trains, especially if I have company, but when I’m alone I most like to fly. I’m not entirely sure why.

 **Jack:** No, I totally get it.  
I’m pretty much the same.

 **Elsa:** Oh. Well, that’s funny, isn’t it?  
  
**Jack:** So do you go back to work tomorrow?

 **Elsa:** Not in the conventional sense.  
Most of tomorrow will be spent in preparation and settling in. I’ve got dinner plans and a bit of reconnecting to do, but I won’t return to the full pace of things for a little while yet.  
  
**Jack:** Well, that’s good at least.  
  
**Elsa:** Jack, I have to ask you something--and this may sound like terribly forward, so I apologize--but are you feeling all right?

 **Jack:** Why do you ask??

 **Elsa:** I’m… not entirely sure, to be honest.  
This just feels a bit different.

 **Jack:** Aghh. I’m sorry.  
I’m just kind of having an off day.  
I didn’t think it was going to be noticeable. :P

 **Elsa:** Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.

 **Jack:** Nah, it’s totally fine.  
Okay, I mean.

 **Elsa:** Did you have a fun evening?

 **Jack:** Are you trying to insinuate that I might be hungover again? :P

 **Elsa:** No.  
Are you?

 **Jack:** I do not feel prepared to answer that.

 **Elsa:** You are?  
I get the feeling that you are.  
I didn’t realize just how often you drink.

 **Jack:** It’s not that often.  
I was just hanging out at a friend’s apartment.  
We were celebrating.  
Valentine’s Day.  
Or not celebrating.  
Whichever.

 **Elsa:** Oh, no, Jack—I didn’t mean it like that.  
I’m sorry. That sounds judgmental now that I've reread it.  
I was just observing.  
I’m sorry.

 **Jack:** No, it’s totally okay.  
Sorry.  
This is a weird day.  
I don’t know why everything I write is turning out so shitty.

 **Elsa:** I hear capitalization can do that.

 **Jack:** Ha. Yeah.  
I don’t know. I’m in pretty deep, there’s no point in changing back now.

 **Elsa:** All right. I trust your judgment.  
Are you busy right now?

 **Jack:** No. Definitely not.  
The very opposite.  
The distractedness feeling is probably a result of my general feeling of misery.  
Which is 100% related to my miraculous hangover.  
And my current location on the living room couch.  
In the dark.

 **Elsa:** The most interesting part is that I can actually almost imagine it now.

 **Jack:** Oh god. I rather wish you wouldn’t.

 **Elsa:** Ahahah, no, I didn’t mean that in a negative way!  
I have been terrible at this today.  
Okay. I have a proposal.

 **Jack:** I accept.

 **Elsa:** You don’t even know what it is yet.

 **Jack:** Don’t need to.  
Your suggestions are the best.

 **Elsa:** :)

 **Jack:** :P  
:)

 **Elsa:** Right. My proposal is that, since I am not willing and/or able to provide you with more pictures of myself, mostly because the majority of them are actually quite telling of what it is that I do, I may have another way to help even the score.

 **Jack:** What score?  
Are we keeping score?

 **Elsa:** I am, in a way.

 **Jack:** Are you plotting revenge?  
I am not sure I know of this score of which you speak.

 **Elsa:** I mean just how much you’ve given, and how how little I’ve offered.  
I’d like to continue the confessions list, if it’s all right with you.

 **Jack:** Aw, Elsa, you don’t have to do that.  
I mean. I appreciate it.  
But it’s not like you have to pay me back or anything.  
Seriously, they’re just crappy droid photos of my friends and I doing stupid shit.

 **Elsa:** I think they're wonderful.  
You do so many interesting things!

 **Jack:** Well, thank you.  
I mean, we like them well enough, I guess.  
_Sent at 11:21 AM on Sunday_

 **Jack:** Hey, weren't you talking about settling the score?  
(I have considerably lessened the possibility that you are a serial killer, by the way.)  
Or are at least a very well-dressed serial killer.

 **Elsa:** Thank you?

 **Jack:** Sorry. That was dumb.

 **Elsa:** Ahahah, no, not at all.  
And I think I'd rather save those for another time, after all.

 **Jack:** Shit.  
I'm such a jerk.  
I'm sorry.  
I didn't mean to talk you out of it.

 **Elsa:** No, it's quite all right.  
I should probably be packing, anyway. I have a lot to do before I leave tonight.

 **Jack:** Oh, okay.  
Yeah, course.  
Do you think you'll be online later, by any chance?  
I think I might be considerably less of a grumpy ass by then. :(  
Sorry again.

 **Elsa:** No, unfortunately I'll be spending the entirety of the afternoon with the last round of relatives, and then they’ll be taking me to the airport. I won't be seeing them again until April, so I would hate to be on my phone the whole time.

 **Jack:** Yeah, totally.  
That makes total sense  
I'm sorry again, for today.  
Really.

 **Elsa:** Don't be! Nothing to apologize about, as you said yourself.  
I don't know when I'll be able to send you another message, but perhaps by Tuesday I'll have a spare moment.

 **Jack:** Oh, wow.  
Busy.

 **Elsa:** Very busy... I am trying to prepare for it mentally.  
Anyway, I wish you luck with your essay and I hope you're feeling better soon.  
Have a good evening!

 **Jack:** You too!  
Have a safe trip!  
_Elsa is offline._

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Sat, Feb 15, 2015 at 2:28 PM  
Subject:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

  
i shouldn’t be allowed near a computer anymore.

what did i just do??

i’m going for a walk. i don’t even care that it’s snowing and that the glare might split my headache wide open. this brooding shit is pointless and annoying, and it reminds me too much of before new york.

i guess the drinking last night probably didn’t help, but i know the self-indulgent pity party isn’t _just_ because of the too-much vodka celebration we had last night. (you woulda been invited, if you’d been less than 26 hours away.) and you’re probably annoyed just reading this, so i don’t know why i’m telling you, because i probably wouldn’t actually tell you any of it if you were actually here. even if i didn’t say anything, you’d take one look at me and just tell me to get over myself, which is what i’m gonna do right now anyway, so who knows why i’m even bringing it up.

i hope you’re enjoying all your leafy green vegetables. and all your organic stuff. and the heat.

i’m sorry i haven’t really asked how your shit’s been going lately, either. guess i’ve been acting like a selfish jackass for longer than i thought.

apparently we’re due for a huge storm next week, so i hope you’re soaking up plenty of sun wherever you are. tooth said she may not be able to clear out a space in her schedule if the snow interferes with your flight, so i’ll probably be the one to meet you at the airport.

the kids are missing you too, btw, but you probably already knew that.

see you then.

* * *

**Anna  
**

Something’s wrong.

WHAT

WHAT HAPPNEED

WE LITERLLY JUST DROPPED YOU

OFF AT THE AIRPORT A HALF HOUR  
AGO

WHERE ARE YOU

ELSA ANSWER ME

Oh my goodness, Anna!!

Not like that!

I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been  
so vague.

DAMN RIGHT YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE

you nearly gave me a heart attack

Ugh. I’m sorry.

I seem to be making these sorts of  
messes today no matter where I go.  
  
Or to whom I write.

wait.

is this about jack?

what is this about??

 I don’t think he wants to  
talk to me anymore.

um. excuse me.

either you are overreacting

or kristoff and i are going on a field  
trip to new york

to punch his face in

Anna, stop.

I don’t know what happened.

I should never have sent him  
your account! That’s when this  
whole mess started!

pretty sure it started in december, actually

sorry (not sorry) about that, again, btw

 

I appreciate your apology, Anna,  
but it’s actually completely unnecessary.  
  
And besides, I suppose it’s rather pointless  
now. I don’t know what on earth happened.

Are you certain that there weren’t any  
house insignias in those pictures??

Nothing blatant that we somehow missed?

There's no way he could know, is there?

not unless he's a magician

 I told you those photos were too much.

Why don’t I have any pictures in casual dress?

 

because you hardly ever wear casual

i don’t think you even own a pair of  
proper sweatpants

Anna.

This is serious.

i am dead serious

This is AWFUL.

ELSA SERIOUSLY YOU WERE IN  
BEAUTIFUL DRESSES AND TRENDY  
OUTFITS

because you wear beautiful dresses and  
trendy outfits and that’s who you are

I DON’T SEE THE PROBLEM HERE??

 But why did I send those?

Yes, that’s who I am, but it’s not ALL of me!

Anyone who were to look at only those  
pictures would only see a single side  
of me, and that’s not what I wanted to  
happen at ALL.

His personality is so open and genuine and  
straightforward, and though I’d never call it  
simple, I could at least count on the simplicity  
of equal ground! And then what did I do?

I go and ruin it! I can’t control myself,  
so I share pictures that I don’t even  
particularly like, which don’t express  
who I truly am, and now I’ve gone  
and portrayed myself as a judgmental,  
elitist stick in the mud who apparently  
can’t hold a decent conversation  
without making myself look like a  
pretentious shut-in who only has  
boring, proper pictures taken by  
professional-grade photographers.

whoah. DEEP BREATH, elsa

DEEP BREATHS

Who never does anything  
candid or spontaneous.

Or fun.

ESLA STOP

YOU ARE FUN

READING IS FUN

WE LOVE TO READ

WE LOVE ADVENTURE

YOU love adventure.

I prefer peace and quiet.

you DO TOO, you just don't  
know it yet.  
  
(because my version of adventure  
usually mortifies you)  
  
and you just haven’t found a  
perfect adventure partner yet

and while i can say that aunt ingrid  
is cute  
  
because we have nice genes

but i bet gigolo jack’s butt is way cuter  
  
you are not laughing  
  
elsa respond plz you are FREAKING ME  
OUT

This is a disaster.

He’s so normal. He and his friends do  
perfectly normal things.

He and his friends do such  
ADVENTUROUS things!

And I sounded so JUDGMENTAL in our last  
conversation!! I don’t know HOW I manage to  
say these things!

lol, some diplomats we are

He assured me that he didn’t take  
offense, but honestly, Anna, I  
was so mortified. It would just be  
so much easier to communicate  
if only I knew what his speech  
patterns entailed!

what??

you mean like his voice?

 

Well, yes, but it’s MORE than that!  
His sarcasm reads perfectly clear  
through his written messages, as  
well as his more serious tones,  
but anything in between is  
just so DIFFICULT to interpret because  
I don’t have any foundation for  
comparison! I don’t know where  
the inflection is placed, or  
what the intonation conveys.  
  
Sometimes I almost think his  
capitalization speaks more  
about his state of mind than  
his words do.

Anna?

 

i’m trying really hard to think of something  
to say but i literally have nothing i’m sorry

all i can think of is maybe trying to skype??

Ahh, no, don’t worry. It’s all right.

Honestly, I’d be much too embarrassed  
to suggest anything like that. Especially  
after this horrid Facebook fiasco.  
  
This hardly ended the way I’d hoped.

who said it has to be over??

No, it’s all right. I just want to  
move forward. I’m going to allow  
myself the remaining time before  
my flight leaves to peruse his  
photos, and then I won’t use  
your account again, and that  
will be the end of it.  
  
And tomorrow when I reach  
Cambridge, I’ll apologize for  
ever having even suggested it.

I knew things would be so much  
simpler if I hadn’t seen his face.

well at least SOME of us have seen  
his face

>:(

You haven’t looked at his  
Facebook yet??

NO  
  
NO I HAVE NOT  
  
BECAUSE SOMEONE TOLD ME  
I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK  
  
DAMMIT

I AM DONE WAITING  
  
HOLD ON  
DOWNLOADING THE APP AGAIN  
  
ABOUT DAMN TIME

You are so nosy.

And it doesn’t matter, anyway. I’ll send  
him an e-mail tomorrow and encourage  
him to unfriend you. Not that it will fix  
anything that’s already been seen,  
but at least we won’t have to censor  
ourselves as badly in the future.

Have you found the ones where he and  
his friends are ziplining through a canyon?

The mountains were GORGEOUS, and the  
ravine was so deep, and they were up so high.  
  
Apparently, he and his friends make it  
a habit of going on trips together—most  
of which is apparently service-based!!  
I really need to make it a point of asking  
how he and his friends met and grew  
so close.

wth this is taking forever to load

He’s had so many experiences, and he  
commemorates them with SO many pictures.

I’m jealous of him.

But at the same I’m so totally enamored  
with the life he leads, with the silly movies  
he and his friends watch together just for the  
sake of being around one another, to the  
camping trips gone awry, to taking pictures of  
themselves with friends who’ve fallen asleep  
at the airport.

selfies

they’re called selfies

we've been through this

He has so many pictures with his little  
sister, too.

He cares about her so much.

It’s so clearly visible.

  
And!! He volunteers in children's learning  
centers!

I think it’s something else that he and  
his friends do together.  
  
Besides traveling all over the world, that is.

At first I thought all those pictures with  
children were with younger cousins,  
but there were so many. And then  
I did some digging through his profile  
information, and it turns out that he  
used to be a member of the Big Brothers,  
Big Sisters organization, which is how  
he must have met the two little siblings  
that are in so many of his pictures.  
  
He tutors them and mentors them  
with that other friend of his, and Anna,  
I don’t know what I was expecting,  
but I wasn’t expecting this.

elsa

you are officially a facebook stalker

i am so PROUD

Anna, enough.

Are you checking your Facebook yet?

gimme a minute

Okay.

Anna?

SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS

WHO IS THIS?

Is that a rhetorical question?

THERE IS GREAT UNKNOWN COSMIC  
ENERGY AT WORK  
  
TO HAVE ALIGNED THE PLANETS  
  
IN THE PRECISE LOCATIONS  
  
TO HAVE BROUGHT US A UNIVERSE  
WHERE THIS IS POSSIBLE  
  
WHERE THE PERSON WHO  
ACCIDENTALLY RECEIVED  
YOUR POSTCARDS  
  
IS NOT ONLY CLOSE TO YOUR  
AGE  
  
BUT ALSO  
  
LOOKS  
  
LIKE THIS

You are very excited.

YOU’RE TELLING ME

THAT THIS BOY

IS A STUDENT IN NEW YORK

WHO DOES VOLUNTEER WORK WITH  
CHILDREN  
  
AND HAS A JAWLINE THAT COULD  
SLICE THROUGH HEAVEN

That is a slight exaggeration.

LIKE HELL IT IS

LOOKK AT THIS BOY

OH

OH GOOD LORD

THERE ARE BEACH PICS

Please tell me you are not in public.

I would hate to have someone rescue  
you from a fainting incident, and then  
learn the reason behind it.  
  
Please take a deep breath.

like hell i will

elsa look at him

I have.

REALLY LOOK AT HIM

oh my god he is so adorable

oh oh ohhhh is that the kid he tutors??

omg they could actually be related, they  
look so alike, i see what you mean

kid’s name is jamie?

Anna, we are NOT STALKING HIM.  
  
Especially because I’m starting to think  
that HE’S not entirely okay with sharing  
all this in the first place!  
  
I was so wrapped up in my own concerns  
that I completely neglected to consider his!  
  
Anna, I’m afraid I’ve changed things irrevocably,  
and not for the better.

elsa, YOU take a deep breath please <3 <3

i’m sure it’s fine! just like  
  
nerves or something??

omg this was NOT a mistake

this could never be a mistake

this was the best decision you have ever  
made

Yes, well, perhaps, and then I ruined it.

elsa, what actually happened??

I’m not even sure. We each saw what  
the other looks like, and now there’s this  
sudden awkwardness between us.  
I knew it would change things, but I don’t  
think I realized just how much of a mess it  
would make.

but isn’t that just a normal thing  
that happens to people??

er

people in these situations??

these RARE situations??

I like him, Anna.

I like him a lot.

WhOAH

what

okay

first of all: i’ve known that for weeks  
second: YOU ARE ADMITTING IT??

Admitting what?

I don’t know what you THINK I’m admitting;  
all I’m saying is that I’ve grown rather fond  
of him, and I’d hate to lose our penpalship  
now, after I’ve only just begun to grow  
truly comfortable.

I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore.

Of course, it could be argued that  
perhaps I’ve never actually known. But  
now I mean it fully.

He’s very attractive.

hell yes he is  
  
‘attractive’  
  
understatement of the year  
honestly

omg he wears that blue hoody so much  
  
he’s so cute omg  
  
he’s like

he’s so precious and playful!!

but then sometimes out of nowhere a new  
pic will come up and OH NO HE’S HOT  
drops out of nowhere

Ugh.

look at his hair! and his jawline, fml

he makes such intense faces

the eyebrow game is strong with this one

and he has such a nice smile

he does GOOFY SMILES AND SMIRKING  
SMILES honestly you can’t go wrong  
with someone who’s very good at both  
  
omg he looks like so much fun

Ughhh.

Anna.

What do I do??

 

if i weren’t married  
and hopelessly in love  
and totally and endless committed  
to my loving husband  
  
i would butter his biscuit

You are NOT helping.

well wait what makes you think that he  
doesn’t want to talk anymore??

i am so confused

that was the point of why you texted  
me, right?  
  
but you never said why

He’s been rather distant, lately.  
  
I don’t know how to explain it. His words  
indicate that he’s still very interested in  
keeping up this exchange, but… the way  
his messages actually read? They were so  
different from what I’ve received before.  
I don’t really know what to  
make of them.  
  
He’s still very kind and witty and polite,  
and he even asked when I’d next  
be available, but…  
  
Maybe I’m just overreacting.  
  
Like usual.  
  
Everyone has off days, and I should  
remember that. I have more of them  
than most.  
  
He just wasn’t his usual self,  
I suppose.

Nothing to be such a mess about.

see!!

there you go!!!

deep breaths. it’ll all work out!!

and if not, kristoff and i are only a couple  
hours away from raiding new york.  
  
btw, how is your airport waiting going?

btw, is his usual self as fine as he looks  
in the amusement park pictures where  
he’s stuffing cotton candy into that dude’s  
face  
  
because that’s easily one of my favorite  
non-beach pics

(and i love his beach pics)  
  
look at his eyes!!

(jk in the beach pics i’m not looking at his eyes)

but still, his eyes are like, so nice

(and so are other thinnnnggsss)

(I am IGNORING all of that.)

They’re very expressive.

His whole face is very expressive.

just PICTURE all of the RANGE  
of expressions  
  
i know which range you’d like to see ;) ;)

Anna, I am about to turn my phone off.

just KDIDING

GOSH

goodness

okay real strategy time

we’re gonna fix this

Anna, I’m sorry, but they’re actually  
calling my seating area now.

I really do have to turn off my phone.

oh shit

you weren’t kidding!!

I’m sorry, Anna, but I’m boarding now.

Thank you for all of your help. <3

ughh elsa i’m sorry :( :(

No, don’t be! I mean it, really.

okay. :( do you wanna call me  
when you get home?

No, but thank you. I should really be  
settling in and preparing for tomorrow.

okay. :( :(

i love you.

show customs who’s boss!!

again!!!

Oh, Anna.

I love you, too. <3 <3

I’ll text you when I land in Boston, okay?

okay. <3 <3 have a good flight!

* * *

From: **Jack Overland** <jackoverland@gmail.com>  
Date: Sun, Feb 16, 2015 at 5:27 PM  
Subject:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

  
I AM REENERGIZED AND FOCUSED

I AM GOING TO FIX THIS NOW

DISREGARD PREVIOUS E-MAILS

I AM A DICK

BUT A CAPABLE AND SELF-REFLECTIVE DICK

WISH ME LUCK

* * *

From: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>  
Date: Sun, Feb 15, 2015 at 5:34 PM  
Subject: En route to Cambridge!  
To: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>

  
Hello again! Just a quick message to let you know that I’ve landed and I’m headed home in a taxi. A snowstorm is on its way in tonight, so I arrived just in time!

I’d really prefer not to hover about my phone for the rest of the night (or the computer, before you ask), so please just keep that in mind if you message me! (I’d love for you to message me, of course, but I may not be answering it until tomorrow morning.)

I love you. :) Thanks again for everything!

\- Elsa

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Sun, Feb 15, 2015 at 5:49 PM  
Subject: i know you’re super busy and i’m sorry to bother you, so please don’t feel like you have to read this until you have some free time  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
  
  
hey.

i really hope that i’m not interrupting anything. i realized just now that i don’t even really actually know what you’re doing, like if you’re traveling right now or if you’re finally home, or how long it’ll be until you even check your inbox again, let alone respond, so please don’t feel obligated to answer back any time soon or anything. i know you’re busy. it’s just, in the meantime, i wanted to explain something. first, i have another confession/reason why i might make a shitty penpal:  
  
i suck.

i’m seriously, really sorry for earlier today. i think i said something earlier about not knowing where the weirdness came from (or why everything kept turning out so awful, or something) and the truth is that i actually know exactly why i was acting weird, and that it’s a terrible excuse. (not that there’s any good excuse.) i’m just saying that this one is especially weak.

i also don’t know exactly how to say this?? i could just come right out and say it, but i’m also sort of hesitant, because i know how much it took for your to share that stuff with me, and i don’t want to be ungrateful or negative or i’m probably not doing a very good job of explaining this, am i?

i saw your pictures this morning.

the pictures that you were really, really generous in sharing. especially since i know how little you actually having them online, and how much trust went into sending me your sister’s account stuff.

i am doing A TERRIBLE JOB OF TALKING ABOUT THIS because i am nervous, and maybe a little embarrassed by how much of a weirdo i was earlier. and i’m nervous, because it feels like i really messed up bad today, and if there’s anything that i’ve learned over the last few months of us talking to each other, it’s that you don’t put up with people’s nonsense, and today’s nonsense was definitely nonsense.

so.

i don’t know how to actually say this now, because i’m an ineloquent bastard, so i’m just gonna go back to where all the shit started in the first place. here’s everything that i should have told you this morning, the first time, when you messaged me:

  * i saw your pictures, thank you for sharing them, that was really nice of you

  * you’re gorgeous.

  * i love all of the pictures including sven, those are my favorites, anything with sven is made 10x better. just kidding. (but maybe not.)

  * i know it took a lot for you to even consider sending them, so really, i’m very honored and grateful, and like you said it’s really nice to have a face to match the messages, and seriously don’t worry about how many or few you had on there, i’m honestly just pleasantly surprised by even one, so really

  * you’re gorgeous.

  * you are actually incredibly and intimidatingly beautiful.

  * i am a total loser when it comes to talking seriously with women i happen to find attractive. let alone intimidatingly beautiful ones. like with most things i do, 99% of the time i rely almost entirely on charm, wit, and well-placed sarcasm to fool my counterparts into thinking that i am as cool as a cucumber, and since you already know about all of those things, and how much i use them, and the sham that they are, i was weirdly at a loss of what to say. do. a weird loss. a weird state of confusion.

  * i am not making myself look very attractive here.

  * i am starting over.

  * you are gorgeous, and i was very awed, and i’m sorry i was such a dick, it honestly does not matter to me what you look like i was just STUPIDLY self-conscious afterwards and spent way too long thinking about at least twelve albums on my facebook where i know i am doing something ridiculous or there is a drink in my hand (i promise i’m not actually a drunkard, i really am not), or i’m in the middle of a prank war and there is a crown on my head. unless i deleted that one. i digress.

  * you and anna definitely have a family resemblance, and even though your pictures make it look like you two act very differently, it’s definitely obvious that you’re sisters, and not just through your family features and all

  * i saw your pictures and i panicked. i essentially started wondering to myself what the two of us could possibly have in common beyond accidentally sharing a p.o. box in virginia and having ironic e-mail addresses, and why somebody who’s as busy and talented as you might have any interest in the daily life of someone like me.

  * and then i woke the fuck up.

  * and i’m sorry.

  * please see attached photo.

  * as you can see, this is my best pout/frown face. i am also holding a pad of paper with a frown face. for emphasis.

  * please do not feel obligated to add this to your score because i SWEAR THIS WAS NOT THE INTENTION BEHIND attaching a selfie.

  * i didn’t think about that beforehand, but the whole point of this e-mail was the explanation and selfie, they are a joint package and i cannot separate them

  * i am rambling because i am nervous and i have nothing left to say but also feel like i have not actually said anything at all.

  * i missed you a lot today and i hope you’re okay and that your flight was smooth and that you’re home and drinking your ridiculous amounts of herbal tea and reading a book or something so you can relax before you have to go to your preparations for tomorrow and also dealing with me. :P

  * i am going to stop talking now.

  * please don’t hate me, okay.

  * i’ll talk to you soon, whenever you’re free. have a safe trip home!

  * and fun at your dinner!




\- Jack

 **  
1 attachment  
** _frowny_face.jpg_

* * *

 **Elsa:** Hello. :)

 **Jack:** ELSA  
HELLO  
Hi.  
holy crap, I thought you weren’t going to be answering e-mails until Tuesday??

 **Elsa:** The funny thing about smartphones is that they have these neat little features, like e-mail notifications.  
I got your e-mail while stuck in traffic.

 **Jack:** ah. so that explains it.  
you were trapped, then.  
:P

 **Elsa:** Apparently?  
:P

 **Jack:** Ah. :(  
did you read it?

 **Elsa:** I did.  
You are very honest.

 **Jack:** shit.  
welp.  
i’m dead.

 **Elsa:** What!  
No!  
This is a disaster. I can hardly convey my true thoughts and feelings in-person, let alone through online instant messages!

 **Jack:** ditto.  
D: D:  


**Elsa:** I sent that message before I’d fully formed the rest of my thoughts, and while I was thinking of how to phrase them, you’d already responded.  
One of the few drawbacks to this form of communication, I suppose.

 **Jack:** I should just get into the habit of waiting ~20 seconds before making any kind of response??

 **Elsa:** Ah, but I feel like that could be such an unnecessary hassle for you!  
I’d hate for things to be more complicated than they already are.

 **Jack:** :/

 **Elsa:** You know you worried me today.

 **Jack:** GAH.  
Ughhhhh.  
I know.  
i am SO SORRY.

 **Elsa:** I know, and I believe you.  
I'm sorry that my tone comes across as needlessly cold sometimes—I'm not quite sure how to control that.  
And I’m sorry for plunging us forward into this mess in the first place. :(

 **Jack:** nooooooo  
no no no, it's not the pictures' fault  
or yours.  
I like the pictures. :(

 **Elsa:** I like the pictures, too.  
I just wish we weren't so rubbish at acknowledging them. :(  
Not that you were rubbish at acknowledging them.  
In your e-mail, I mean.  
I was just referring to the awkwardness from this morning.  
I think I’ve just made all this worse, haven’t I?

 **Jack:** okay! IDEA.  
let’s just start over.  
easy.

 **Elsa:** Yes!  
Right.  
I am very much in favor of that plan.

 **Jack:** uh  
whoops.  
except I already did, earlier  
sort of.  
in my e-mail D:  
sorry, but I don't know where else to go with that now  
D:

 **Elsa:** Hmm. Let’s continue our game, maybe?

 **Jack frost:** yes!! Game!  
What game?

 **Elsa:** Our impressions of one another.  
Only this time, with photographic references.

 **Jack frost:** oh. that game.  
this is a dangerous game.  
LET’S DO IT.  
You go first?

 **Elsa:** Ahaha, all right. :)

 **Jack:** oh thank god.  
see? i’m patiently waiting ~20 seconds for you to finish your typing.  
:)  
or maybe 2 minutes…  
i am trying not to be worried??

 **Elsa:** You are a very well-rounded person. You’ve had many experiences and have gone to so many different places. It looks as though you and your friends have taken advantage of plenty of adventures at home. You appear to enjoy both the relaxed moments in life as well as the adventurous ones, though I have an inkling that you may possibly prefer the faster-paced thrill of trying new things.

I wrote more, but I’m actually just going to keep it saved in a document for now. That way I won’t have to spend so much time typing later. :)

How did I do?

 **Jack:** haha, very right, yet again.  
not surprising.  
all of my friends have traveled all around the world, but i’m currently too broke for that. i’ve always wanted to travel (which is why i was also slightly fascinated/intrigued/obsessed with all the cool stuff you were talking about in your original postcards), but i didn’t talk to many of the people i grew up with, and i wasn’t the biggest fan of traveling solo. maybe now i could be okay with it, but now there also may not really be any point, because i have so many travel experts for friends, too.

(the friends have actually visited my crazy uncle up north, too. that particular adventure in canada, which started and ended in toronto, also makes up about 87% of the most embarrassing stories that exist in the personal history of jack(son) overland.)  
(note: you will never see those pictures.)  
:)

 **Elsa:** Well, now I’m intrigued.

 **Jack:** no.  
believe me.  
once they have been seen, they cannot be unseen.  
this makeshift family is nothing but a pack of wild animals.  
with hearts of gold.  
but.  
animals.  
all the same.  
(especially the WWOOFer.  
but anyway.)  
Also! i like the quiet moments, but only because they help balance out/help me appreciate the not-so-quiet moments. i didn’t use to like them, though. virginia had plenty of quiet moments. :P

 **Elsa:** Ahaha, I think I might be able to understand that a bit.  
Also. If it’s all right with you, I’d like to take another turn?

 **Jack:** you sure?  
i wouldn’t mind :)

 **Elsa:** Yes, well, there’s something else that I’d like to say.  
Which I didn’t write down in my original notes.  
Because I was either unsure of how to say it, or whether or not I intended to say it at all.

 **Jack:** uhh???  
wait.  
sorry.  
i’m WAITING PATIENTLY  
sorry

 **Elsa:** But I’m feeling a bit braver now, I suppose.  
This morning was a bit hard for me, I’ll admit, because I’d worried that I’d somehow altered our friendship for the worse, and I didn’t know what to make of your messages.  
Let alone what to do about them.

 **Jack:** UGH.  
I AM A DICK.  
I AM SO SORRY.  
whoops.  
i totally did not mean to write that word.  
but it is also still true, if slightly obscene.  
D:

 **Elsa:** Wait! It’s all right.  
I just want to let you know that it is in my nature to worry. This is not by any means intended to make you feel guilty, especially because I’d honestly rather just put this misunderstanding behind us and move forward. I’d love to be able to laugh about it later.  
But one of the things that I feel that I need to do before I can really do that is to show you the same honesty that you showed me.

 **Jack:** i’ve noticed that you like to keep score. :P

 **Elsa:** I like to keep track of many things.  
It helps me from losing anything.  
Especially things that are important.

 **Jack:** :/

 **Elsa:** And this, as you may or may not know, is important to me.

 **Jack:** :) :) :) :)  
yessssssss??

 **Elsa:** Which is why I feel that it’s only fair—with the COMPLETE and total understanding that (1) this is strictly an observation, made mostly due to your own forthright admission(s) and my wish to practice being more open and honest about certain things with you, and (2) this comes with ABSOLUTELY no suggestions, underlying meanings, or insinuations of any kind—I feel that it is only fair to let you know that I also find you very attractive.

So there you have it.

 **Jack:** :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

 **Elsa:** You are smirking.  
I think you are smirking right now.  
And I can actually picture it.  
Because I have seen what that looks like.

 **Jack:** if i were smirking, the emoji would look something more like this ;)  
:) ----> ;)  
i don’t know what my face is doing, but it’s not smirking.  
;) also gives the impression that i am in control of my smile.  
of which i am currently not.  
:) :) :) :) :) :)

 **Elsa:** You are truly an interesting character. I hardly know what to make of you half the time.  
I think I truly missed this.

 **Jack:** :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

 **Elsa:** Oh my goodness, WHAT are you doing?

 **Jack:** I don’t KNOW i am just very GLAD OKAY  
i thought i’d fucked everything up  
but now I AM JUST SO PLEASED

 **Elsa:** Please don’t read too much into my observation, all right?  
I was hoping that we might not ever have to broach this conversation, and I would hate to have been the one to instigate it myself, but I feel it’s important that I at least clear the air now, before anything has the chance to evolve.  
You see?

 **Jack:** yeah, no, of course, totally.  
i mean  
international long distance dating doesn’t really sound like a good idea  
facebook or no, haha

 **Elsa:** Yes.  
I rather think so, too.

 **Jack:** okay, well good, we’re on the same page then.  
SO IS IT MY TURN? :D :D

 **Elsa:** Actually. There’s just one more thing that I’d like to do, if that’s okay?

 **Jack:** you are full of surprises this weekend, holy shit.  
yeah, go for it!  
what's up? :) :)

 **Elsa:** It’s something that I think… I might be interested in?  
Another game, of sorts.  
Albeit perhaps a rather ridiculous one.  
If you’re also interested.

 **Jack:** lol, probably.  
i love ridiculous things.  
as you are already aware. :) :)  
so what is it?

 **Elsa:** It’s something you introduced to me, actually.

 **Jack:** oh yeah?  
shit.  
uhhhh  
i have no idea.  
bad puns?

 **Elsa:** Ahaha, no, Anna beat you to those.  
Though I suppose we could turn that into a game, as well.  
But for now I was actually thinking of something more recent.  
From your previous e-mail, actually.

 **Jack:** uhhhh  
groveling.  
honesty.  
apologies.  
embarrassing oneself.

 **Elsa:** Ahahaha, no!

 **Jack:** bulleted lists?  
again??  
bold-faced confessions.  
telling each other how attractive we are :) :)  
again.  
a complete disregard for capitalization.

 **Elsa:** Ahahahahahah, all tempting—but no.

 **Jack:** ALL tempting??

 **Elsa:** Actually, I was referring to the very last thing in your e-mail.

 **Jack:**??

 **Elsa:** Or what was attached to it, rather.  
I’m proposing a series of selfies.  
_Sent at 7:02 PM on Sunday_

 **Elsa:** Jack?

 **Jack:** yes.  
unequivocally and unmistakably  
YES.  
here, I SHALL SEND ONE RIGHT NOW  
i am making good work of being bundled like a burrito  
AND i am wearing the infamous blue hoody  
prepare thyself  
wait.  
i have an e-mail from you in my inbox??  
with two attachments???

 **Elsa:** :)  
I must be very strategic, of course! There are so many ways to accidentally share more of my identity than I’d like, so please forgive me if they’re boring!  
You also know how much I hate taking them.  
But I strangely do not mind it, at the moment.

 **Jack:** omg  
you’re drinking tea and reading books  
I KNEW IT

 **Elsa:** Ahh, I am so predictable!!  
Wait.  
You’ve just sent me three photos??

 **Jack:** ;) ;) ;)  
NOW i am smirking

 **Elsa:** This is deliberately unbalancing the score!

 **Jack:** this is deliberately being a camera ham.  
which i am.  
shamelessly.  
wait.  
did you just send more?  
YOU JUST SENT MORE  
oh my god.  
how many did you send??

 **Elsa:** Jack(son) Overland… prepare thyself for a selfie saga.  
To be continued indefinitely.  
….. is that a spatula? 

* * *

  [ 4 / 7 ]


	5. selfies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _2/10/15_. Hello! Guess who is now "enjoying" their sixth snow day today, literally in a matter of three weeks. :P I didn't have much time to write over the last few days because I was too busy trying to make up for all the work I missed during snow days #3 and #4, so who knows how much time I'll have to write once I finally go back to work tomorrow. On the bright side, I'm almost done with the next few chapters of ATC and a Valtentine's Day-themed one-shot that will continue a certain College AU series that I may or may not have inadvertently started. :)
> 
>  **Beta'd** by **ALISON** and **ABBY**. :)

_selfies_

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Wed, Mar 4, 2015 at 2:22 PM  
Subject: afternoon delight~  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

Why, hello.

What an interesting assortment of pictures… :) And a rather creative interpretation of "breakfast nook," if I might add.

I see your “favorite snack” and have raised you to “favorite lunch item.” In response to your snacky-almonds, please enjoy this fabulous picture of me enjoying a most delicious ice cream bar, and also this magnificent photo of a burrito. I will not send a picture of me eating said burrito, however, because I am not an animal.

Please feel free to send as many pictures of your "perplexed" face as possible. I am appreciating this recent trend. (Misspelled advertisement signs? “Elsa’s perplexed face.” Improper use of grammar in public? “Elsa’s perplexed/annoyed/alarmed/aghast face.” Strange selfie from Jack with inhuman eyebrow capacity? “Elsa’s perplexed/amused/affectionate/fond face.”)

:)

Attached you shall also find today’s batch from yesterday’s requests. (By the way, I commend your ambition on the “baking adventure” challenge; your cookies would no doubt make your Danish/Norwegian ancestors proud. I think. I don’t know much about Danish cookies.

Unfortunately, I don’t think you were expecting a charming photo of charred ashes filling a baking sheet in response... Alas.)

On a brighter note, here are today’s challenges for you:

  * the "i literally just woke up/in the morning" no cheating challenge

  * aforementioned “favorite lunch item”

  * "what you’re eating for breakfast" challenge

  * okay, I know this is a lot of food pictures, but I can’t help it, I’m honestly running out of stuff to request :P :P

  * "favorite shirt" challenge

  * "perplexed face" series

  * (because I like it)

  * “surprise jack!!" challenge (a.k.a. “whatever you want” because “Jack doesn’t know what to ask for anymore, so please help”)




Also, I’m sure you already finished that book already by now which means YOU WILL BE ABLE TO CHOOSE WHICH TV SHOW YOU ARE WILLING TO HUMOR ME AND WATCH because you promised. :) :) ~~Remember I am giving you my precious Netflix account information, which is practically the closest thing to all but handing you my social security number, or half my soul, whichever. You promised!~~

But seriously, how lucky is it that Netflix currently operates in all of Sweden, Denmark, Finland, and Norway? Like. You probably won’t have to worry about getting service as long as you stay in your Scandinavian nook. :) :)

(And before you make another insinuating comment, NO, I DID NOT HAVE TO CLEAR MY VIEWING HISTORY, thank you very much. Have some faith, shall ye.)

Looking forward to all of the perplexed Elsa faces in the world and whatever it is that you’re going to send me next. :)

  
\- Jack  
  


 **5 Attachments:  
** _look i am eating an ice cream bar.jpg_  
 _magnificent burrito.jpg_  
 _one batch of baked ashes or “ash cakes” as i like to call them - i swear i cook much better than i bake just remember that i’m friends with a dentist.jpg_  
 _jack’s version of “perplexed” face 1.jpg_  
 _EYEBROWS.jpg_

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Wed, Mar 4, 2015 at 8:34 PM  
Subject: Re: afternoon delight~  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

  
Would you be horribly offended if I told you that I have never eaten a burrito?

(Something tells me that this is the kind of thing that might bother you.)

(Not like the list of American stereotypes I recited last week, as per your request, nor like the number of times I’ve told you that your attempts to place Norwegian slang into our correspondence has proven remarkably wrong, not at all, but never once having tried a burrito--this, I fear, could be the end of our friendship, indeed.)

  * Did you try your cookies? (Ash cakes?) Dare I ask what went wrong? How long were they inside the oven for?

  * I also _love_ ice cream, in all of its variations.

  * I honestly have no idea how you do that with your eyebrows. I couldn’t emulate it, even if I tried. (I may or may not have tried. In the privacy of my home.)

  * (There will be no pictures, so do not ask.)




  
Before I delve into my contributions for the day, here is my new list of challenges for you. :)

  * Favorite body part.

  * Daily commute.



  * Favorite romantic-comedy. (Or your next in line. I already know the first two or three, I think?)

  * Where you most like to work. (I have a feeling this is your kitchen table, but I could be wrong. The library map could use a few additions, I suppose.)




 

Now! I won’t be able to send you any picture of meals and snacks until tomorrow, it seems (and morning pictures? honestly?), but this is what I have for you this evening:

  1. **Favorite Shirt:** My favorite shirt is a sweater that Anna bought for me two years ago on my birthday. It’s my favorite shade of blue, and I’d wear it every day if I thought I might ever get away with it.

  2. **Perplexed Face #3:** “I am perplexed by Jack’s eyebrows.”

  3. **Surprise:** I don’t know if this is cheating… on multiple levels. This is technically not even a photo, and it’s definitely not something I took myself. (It also wasn’t taken today.) This is a small video clip of last Saturday afternoon. I don’t know if I’ve at all mentioned this yet, but when I was younger, I was a very accomplished figure skater. Although my family never went skiing (too dangerous), I began private skating lessons at a very young age, and my natural talent ensured that much of my childhood was dedicated to the rink.  
  
Anna never followed suit, which meant that she was often left home with mother while I was gone for hours at a time. (Have I told you that many of my primary years were spent in homeschooling? Part of this was due to the intensity of my training. It’s difficult to keep track of what I have and haven’t told you, I think.) The point is that my devotion to skating, along with my studies, and some of my other responsibilities that kept me apart from Anna, all of these things together made an already strained relationship even more difficult to foster. I was never part of a team, although I think I could have done well with one, and I only ever participated in a few competitions, even though my skill was highly regarded. (I did very well in them, if I may say so.)  
  
However, as I grew older, I eventually lost sight of my passion for it… There are many reasons as to why, and many of them are very complicated, but I’d like to think that most of them revolve around the fact that the time and energy required put an unfathomable strain on my relationship with my family. (With Anna, who I rarely saw. My mother, who wanted to support me but worried endlessly. My father, who was at once my biggest fan and my fiercest protector, who could hardly bear allowing me to leave home, let alone the state province.) Inevitably, I let myself drift away from the sport, and in doing so, I inadvertently allowed myself to drift further away from my family, as well. I grew older, and my training lessened, and little by little my plans for pursuing figure skating became all but pipe dreams. By the time I decided to take up the family business and focus on more practical matters, just around the age of sixteen, Anna had already shipped herself away to an international school… which she quickly fell in love with. It was even harder to see her, after that.  
  
I’m sorry, I know this seems a bit sudden, but I promise it’s connected. This is all… a little difficult to explain? I know it seems like a strange topic to broach, but the point that I’d like to share with you is that, as of only very recently, I have surprisingly felt a very particular craving for the rink, and for a number of weeks, I’d been all but ignoring it. This past Saturday was the first time that I was truly willing to let myself listen to it, and--feeling particularly inspired, for some reason or other--I found my way to the ice once more.  
  
I didn’t even want to count the number of years it’d been since I set foot on the ice, and I was actually so overcome by a bout of anxiety while first entering the rink that I almost left straightaway. The sheer amount of progress I knew I must have lost almost killed me, but then I still remembered the exact feeling of stretching my laces tight, and my fingers knew how to tie the knots without any conscious thought, and then none of the regret and loss and mourning seemed as bad, anymore.  
  
What you’ll see in this very brief clip is actually well into my warm-up. My skill is indeed “rusty,” to put it gently, and I’m nowhere near the skater that I once was. Much of my strength and power has inevitably lessened without proper honing, so who knows what I might have been, had I only had the chance… but the movements still felt very much like second nature, and the glide of blade over ice was a welcome sensation, even long after I’d grown sore. I still remember many of my routines, and I still have a few tricks up my sleeves it seems. (The video shows a very brief sit spin, and one of my better camel spins.) It’s not much, but I hope it’s enough of a surprise for you!  
  
Skating will never be for me what it once was, which was so much more than just a sport… but! I’m hoping that I may at least be able to rekindle it as a hobby, or some favored pastime. I’d like to take advantage of the local free skate at least once a week, I think.




  
Well. That rambled on for a lot longer than I thought I would. I can’t really bring myself to delete any of it from the e-mail, however, so I hope you were seated in a comfortable position while you trudged through it all, at least. :P Very few people know about this part of my history and, for some reason, I think it’s something that I would very much like for you to know.

I hope you’re doing well. :) Is your paper ready yet? I told you that you should have it at _least_ prepared by tomorrow if you want to give yourself ample time for revision. (Is there a chance that you have already finished it and are simply withholding it from me? While I would not put this past you, I fear that your procrastination makes this possibility very unlikely.)

And now that you are done reading my e-mail, you are in the perfect position to get working on your essay. :) Good luck!

  
Best,  
Elsa

   
 **3 Attachments:  
** _favorite_shirt.jpg_  
 _perplexed_3.jpg_  
 _surprise_ice_skating_video.mov_

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Wed, Mar 4, 2015 at 8:34 PM  
Subject: Re: afternoon delight~  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

Oh, goodness. I almost forgot.

Which TV show did you say had the sorceress in it? I choose that one. You’re also going to have to teach me how to navigate this Netflix… Anna teases me relentlessly for it.

Not that you don’t. :P But yours is slightly more tolerable. Occasionally.

Do not take advantage of what I just said.

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Wed, Mar 4, 2015 at 9:12 PM  
Subject: afternoon delight~  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

I feel like you know me well enough now to already have guessed that intentionally requesting me to take a picture of a favored body part is already setting the situation up for a miraculous set of inappropriate jokes, and it thus a testament to my enormous respect for you that I will not actually follow through with any of them. (And also because I am terrified that if I did, you would SHUN ME, please don’t do that.)

Oh wait you're online HOLD ON

* * *

 **Jack:** hey!!  
thanks for sharing all that, first of all  
i really hope you get to go skating again soon  
(also i’m not gonna try to argue with you because i know next to nothing about figure skating--had a bad experience once with ice skating, never went again--so i don’t know what’s good or not good, but i just want to tell you that whatever you’re doing looks awesome and really super complicated and i am very much impressed)  
and secondly did you see that i sent you a tiny e-mail just now

 **Elsa:** Good evening!  
Yes, I did, and no, I am not surprised.  
And thank you for reading all of it. I feel like it was a bit much, even now, so I appreciate your having read it all.

 **Jack:** um, of COURSE  
to the reading of your e-mail, i mean  
and maybe also to the body part-selfie jokes  
but those things are on wildly different spectrums of appropriate so i’m not really sure how we’re talking about both of them at the same time

 **Elsa:** I’m beginning to think that this is simply our normal means of conversation.

 **Jack:** Huh.  
all right, well let’s go with that.  
also  
i thought of more challenges

 **Elsa:** We still haven’t even completed the ones from earlier!  
You suggested so many time-sensitive ones, like for the morning or certain meals.

 **Jack:** elsa this is art  
art takes time

 **Elsa:** Of course. :P

 **Jack:** but my newest challenges could be completed right this very instant  
and some not  
and some maybe  
here i shall start  
“make a mustache” challenge  
like so

 **Elsa:** I’m assuming that you are sending it to me now?

 **Jack:** that i am  
oh hold on for one second

 **Elsa:** Holding. :)

* * *

**BUNS**

help

she just shared something really  
personal and meaningful and i am  
like still processing the fact that she  
even told me anything at all  
  
because i’ve been trying not to get  
my hopes up or get too excited by  
anything that i might accidentally  
misconstrue as her starting to open  
up to me more  
  
and now there’s no way around it  
  
she just shared something with me  
that i think is really huge for her  
  
so naturally now it really  
means a lot to me  
  
and i’m just sitting here in  
awe of all this  
  
and also  
  
i can’t stop staring at her ass

help

* * *

 **Jack:** back, sorry!  
did you get my mustache

 **Elsa:** As a matter of fact, I did.  
Is that felt?

 **Jack:** i am not that fancy  
this is the product of random scrap paper and black marker  
your turn!

 **Elsa:** Does this count?

 **Jack:** ohhhh  
braid-stache  
nicely done  
oh, i have another one  
this one is inspired by the seven-billionth snowstorm that hit us this month  
i call it  
the “hide in a scarf” challenge  
hey, have you guys been getting a lot of snow where you are?  
(i hope that’s okay to ask)

 **Elsa:** No, that’s all right!  
We’ve also been receiving a fair amount of snow lately. It was particularly bad a few weeks ago, but it’s calmed down some in recent weeks. We still have a fresh layer on the ground, though.

 **Jack:** ah, cool.  
i wonder about that a lot actually.  
what the weather is like over there, especially compared to here.  
anyway.  
scarf??  
:D :D :D

 **Elsa:** That one, I think I will be saving for tomorrow. :)  
And that challenge will actually be a true selfie, along with a few of the others you suggested.  
Such as the, “I literally just woke up” challenge.  
What even.

 **Jack:** you will ENJOY IT, i promise  
oh  
here’s another  
“welcome to the gun show” challenge

 **Elsa:** What does that even MEAN?  
Oh, wait, I know.  
(A) I have very little guns to speak of.  
(B) I was very close to making another remark on this on-going serial killer debate.

 **Jack:** i am offended D:

 **Elsa:** No, you are not. :P  
Here, I’ll be right back.

 **Jack:** are you hiding the body

 **Elsa:** What?!?

 **Jack:** I”M JUST KIDDING  
kidding  
bad joke  
too soon

 **Elsa:** Oh, god, I think it’s time we retire the serial killer line of humor.

 **Jack:** lol, all right  
that was a really long time for a running gag anyway

 **Elsa:** Jack.  
Is that another part of the joke?

 **Jack:** lol NO, it’s just the term for it  
oh god  
that’s perfect though  
running gag  
serial killers  
great stuff.  
let’s please go back to nice and friendly conversation topics before i say anything else that’s stupid.

 **Elsa:** Ahahah, we can as soon as I get back. :)

 **Jack:** oh right  
whoops  
sorry

* * *

  **Anna**

elsa whY ARE YOU NOT  
PICKING UP YOUR PHONE  
  
ANSWER YOUR SISTER

ELSA

Anna, calm down! I was in the  
middle of a conversation!

I’m sorry, now what’s going  
on?

oh wait

are you talking to hottie jack

Yes.

you arE NOT QUESTIONING  
MY USAGE OF HIS TITLE?

No.

Now what is it?

oh totally never mind then

i’ll just ask you tomorrow

go back to booty jack

Anna. I want you to know that  
I love you very much.

And that right now I’d like to hit  
you in the mouth.

SISTER <3 <3

* * *

 **Elsa:** All right, I’m sorry!  
Have I missed anything?

 **Jack:** only my magnificent attempts to take selfies in a poorly-lit apartment, as per usual  
and my gardener friend called me while you were away, too  
we’re booking our next trip and trying to hammer out some details  
it won’t be until spring, but the workaholic is trying to figure out which days to take off

 **Elsa:** Oh! Well, that sounds nice.  
What will this trip be about?  
Any more ziplines? :) :)

 **Jack:** lol, i wish  
nah, this one should be really great too though  
we’re gonna hit up the white mountain national forest in new hampshire  
do some camping and hiking up there  
probably stuff our faces with maple sugar :D :D  
(but not tell the dentist)  
D: D: D:

 **Elsa:** New Hampshire? I’ve never been.  
Are you excited?

 **Jack:** oh yeah, definitely  
it’s not gonna be very far  
mr. gardener HATES the cold, especially after spending the last however long in australia  
but he can suck it up  
we haven’t all gone camping together in a long time, and this wouldn’t be the first time we camped out with snow on the ground so

 **Elsa:** You’ll be sleeping on top of the snow?

 **Jack:** lol, i guess it does sound kind of ridiculous  
but there’s special gear for that and everything  
LOTS OF MAGNIFICENT INSULATION  
and cramming five people into a single tent doesn’t hurt

 **Elsa:** It does sound like fun.

 **Jack:** and the spring is kind of a funny time in the northeast here  
like  
i could still probably go skiing if i really wanted to, but i could also go see some really kickass waterfalls  
the weather doesn’t usually make up its mind by that point yet  
which is great  
because at that point i still haven’t made up my mind either

 **Elsa:** I can imagine. :)  
The weather is very similar here.

 **Jack:** Really??  
i always kinda just assumed that it was so much colder there all the time  
though i guess i wouldn’t really know

 **Elsa:** So will that be the extent of your trip?  
Hiking and camping?

 **Jack:** yeah, but we’re thinking of stopping somewhere else along the way back too  
like we haven’t been to providence in forever  
although admittedly there isn’t much there  
but it’s just nice to spend a quick night in a hotel room on the way back  
and boston is kinda fun every once in a while  
even though i think it’s just full of sports fans and bars that close too early  
i don’t know.  
dentist-friend loves all the ~~history~~ there  
which i like too  
don’t get me wrong  
but she’s really intense about her historical records  
and if i go with her i end up at lots of museums and walking tours  
you ever been?

 **Elsa:** To Providence?  
Or to Boston?  
  
 **Jack:** either  
well  
i guess there’s really no point into going to either of those places unless you’re already in the region  
they’re all right  
but not like new york  
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

 **Elsa:** Really?  
I’ve always rather loved Boston.

 **Jack:** oh hey, so you’ve been there??

 **Elsa:** Yes.  
More than once, actually.  
Though I’ve admittedly spent more time _around_ Boston than actually inside it.  
It’s a very beautiful city.

 **Jack:** yeah, okay, i’ll give it that :P  
ehh who knows  
i don’t really actually care where we go afterwards  
i’ll leave all the decision-making up to toothy and buns

 **Elsa:** Toothy and buns?

 **Jack:** oh  
whoops  
dentist-lady and gardener, respectively  
i don’t usually use their nicknames, do i?

 **Elsa:** Hahah, no, you don’t.

 **Jack:** oops sorry  
well now you know :P

 **Elsa:** Yes. :P  
Toothy, I can understand.  
But what is the story behind “Buns?”  
Dare I ask.

 **Jack:** uhhhhhh  
there are two possible stories for that one  
and i am trying to figure out which one to share

 **Elsa:** Is one of them inappropriate?

 **Jack:** more than you probably realize

 **Elsa:** That’s… all right.  
I have a very vivid imagination.

 **Jack:** D:

 **Elsa:** What??

 **Jack:** D:  
are you picturing my best friend’s buns right now  
is that what you are doing  
D: D:

 **Elsa:** You are ridiculous.

 **Jack:** D: you are.

 **Elsa:** I’m... not actually sure that that’s possible??

 **Jack:** lol, i know  
thank god :) :) :) :)

 **Elsa:** You are too funny.  
And very strange.  
Oh!  
Wait a minute.  
The pictures!

 **Jack:** what pictures  
i haven’t gotten anything in my inbox  
i’ll send the gun show later too :) :)

 **Elsa:** No, I mean my imagination and your pictures.  
About your friend, the Buns.

 **Jack:** oh my god  
please don’t call him THE buns  
he is not THE buns  
there are buns that are far superior to his  
rather closeby even  
just saying

 **Elsa:** Just… speaking hypothetically, I would like to point out that current-day technological advancement does indeed make it possible for me to investigate further.

 **Jack:** WHAT

 **Elsa:** Not that I would.

 **Jack:** !!!!

 **Elsa:** But there are actually quite a few pictures of the two of you together on your Facebook.  
If your “Buns” is indeed the one who is actually named Aster.

 **Jack: …  
** ……….  
that’s it  
i give up.

 **Elsa:**!!  
You are so easy to provoke!  
:)

 **Jack:** not one comment  
if you say  
even one comment  
about him being aptly-named  
or something  
i will die right here  
right now  
in this spot

 **Elsa:** Not even one?

* * *

**EX-FRIEND**

we can no longer be friends

what the hell are you goin off about

overland

OVERLAND

* * *

 **Elsa:** Jack!! I’m kidding!

 **Jack:** D:  
this has been a wild ride  
my poor self can’t take this

 **Elsa:** Will this help? :)

 **Jack:**?

 **Elsa:** :)

 **Jack:**!!  
SCARF  
you’ve sent a ‘HIDDEN IN SCARF’ PICTURE

 **Elsa:** It is more like a blanket than a scarf, to be honest.  
It’s my favorite. :)

 **Jack:** oh my god, it’s perfect  
it’s like a little face blanket  
you’re in your own little burrito  
speaking of

 **Elsa:** Oh, no.

 **Jack:** Oh, yes.

 **Elsa:** Actually, I’m afraid I’m going to have to care of a few things for tomorrow.  
I’m going to have to get off the computer for now!

 **Jack:** D:  
wait  
no more burrito jokes!

 **Elsa:** Ahahah, sorry, Jack.  
But I really have to go. :(  
I’ll e-mail you tomorrow though--with all of my responses to your challenges! :)

 **Jack:** alright :)  
talk to you tomorrow then!  
:)

 **Elsa:** :) :)

 **Jack:** :) :) :) :)

 **Elsa:** :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

 **Jack:** :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

 **Elsa:** :)

_Elsa is offline._

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Thurs, Mar 12, 2015 at 7:21 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

Hello. :)

As promised, here is a quick assortment of pictures, in order of request. I will withhold any additional suggestions until after I have received your next batch. I am also running a bit late, so I will have to add descriptions later. :)

Best,  
Elsa

 

P.S. If your paper is not in my inbox by 12:00pm EST today, I will withdraw all selfie-sending privileges until further notice. :) :) :)

 

 **5 Attachments:  
** _I have no idea why I’m sending this_I have just woken up.jpg  
I’ve packed myself a salad for lunch_salad and chocolate_because.jpg  
I wasn’t very hungry for breakfast this morning, so here is a picture of my iced coffee instead_I will eat a snack when I arrive at work, do not judge.jpg  
I’ve decided to send another scarf picture because I really like this one.jpg  
Here, have another, just because.jpg_

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, Mar 12, 2015 at 9:12 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

Nyarghhhaghhh.

 

 **1 Attachment:  
** _don’t judge me too badly okay.docx_

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Thurs, Mar 12, 2015 at 10:38 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

  
Jack, you are far too hard on yourself! I won’t be able to read it over until tomorrow morning, but should have some notes and comments for you to peruse by the afternoon, so you’ll have plenty of time to work on it over the weekend.

Are you still free for tonight? :)

  
Sent from my iPhone

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, Mar 12, 2015 at 3:47 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
  
  
hey, sorry, today has been crazy. thanks again for taking the time to read over my paper. i’m trying not to freak out about you reading it. :P

i don’t have anything to do tomorrow except school work, so i’ll be free whenever you are. i still can’t figure out your schedule with the time difference, but i’m 99% sure that whenever you’re free, i’ll also be free.

all i have is this rando selfie of me on the train, which i’m pretty sure doesn’t hit any of your categories except the daily commute. i also TOTALLY blanked on the just-woke-up selfie, ugh. i promise i’m not trying to cheat or anything, i just have a lot going on today. :P i’ll try to send a few more tomorrow.

also, i’ll send you my netflix account stuff this weekend as soon as this godforsaken paper is done SO YOU CAN START WATCHING AND GET CAUGHT UP IN TIME FOR the next episode (and before you ask: yes, i could just send you the info now, but then i’d be asking you constantly about your thoughts/reactions/predictions, so knowing this about myself, i am being a dedicated student and purposely not divulging this information until a more appropriate time. :P)

will 5PM EST be too late? i know you get up early in the mornings. D:

(also, before i forget: your morning selfies were incredibly cute, and yes, i am an asshole for encouraging you to take them and then not offering any in return, ughh, ugh, i know.)

  
see you later,  
jack

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, Mar 12, 2015 at 4:24 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

  
SHIT, i’m sorry, i don’t think i’m gonna be free at 5PM after all, ughh. this day is so crazy and i am literally such a mess right now. i’m sorry. what’s your availability looking like for tomorrow? :(

sorry, i am LAME, ughhh.

* * *

**Anna**

Anna, I need your opinion.

on what?

Could I call you, please?

I’m thinking of trying something  
new, but I can’t tell if it’s the best  
idea I’ve had since ice-skating last  
week, or the worst idea I’ve ever  
had, ever.

????????????????

It’s what we talked about last  
weekend.

wait

YOU MEAN

?????????????????

Yes, but I’m not sure.

I mean.

It’s so DIFFERENT.

GASP

!!!!!!!

Anna, this is serious! Even  
after seeing each others’ faces,  
there is still an element of safety  
in being able to respond when and  
how I please, to take the time I  
need to compose my words  
without having to worry about  
the expression on my face.

UH EXCUSE YOU

THAT IS THE LAST THING  
YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT  
BECAUSE YOUR NATURAL  
RESTING FACE IS ACTUALLY  
A MASK

sorry too soon??

It’s fine. Just call me, please.

omg i’m actually salivating

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, Mar 12, 2015 at 11:24 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

hey, elsa.

i’m sorry again about today. i didn’t get any response back, so i’m assuming you’re just as busy. maybe even busier, but just tons better with time management. :P

i hope you’re not mad. in fact, i’m actually sure you’re not mad. i guess what i mean to say is that i hope you’re having a better day than i am, i guess, and that you’re feeling all right, and that things are going well for you and stuff. and that you’ll be free sometime tomorrow because i really am disappointed that i couldn’t talk to you earlier today, and

oh shit you’re online??

what the hell are you doing online at this hour????

HOLDON

* * *

 **Jack:** hey!!  
isn’t this really early for you??

 **Elsa:** Ahahah, technically, yes.  
But then, isn’t it also very early for you?

 **Jack:** ha. i would say really late.  
anyway, i’m really sorry about earlier.  
i was just so bogged down with shit and i was totally unprepared for it.  
i am a literal hot mess today.

 **Elsa:** That’s all right. I’m sorry I didn’t have a chance to respond.  
I was in a rather long conversation with Anna, actually.  
Has everything settled down now?

 **Jack:** yeah, i think.  
just this damn paper D: D:  
thanks again, btw

 **Elsa:** That is at least the seventh or eighth time you’ve thanked me. :P

 **Jack:** i am a very grateful person.  
:P  
and also panicking that you will see my academic facade for the sham it is

 **Elsa:** You exaggerate.

 **Jack:** less than you’d think D: D:  
ugh, sorry, this has been a really shitty day.  
I AM GOING TO STOP BEING A DEBBIE DOWNER NOW  
seriously, i promise  
okay  
anyway.  
what’s new with you? :)  
how was your day? did you just wake up?  
what are you up to?

 **Elsa:** Let's Skype.  
 _Sent message at 11:28 PM on Tuesday  
_

 **Elsa:** Jack? Are you there?  
 **  
Jack:** I'm here.

 **Elsa:** You didn't respond?

 **Jack:** Sorry.  
I was busy rereading your message 67890076792749 times  
because  
I'm pretty sure it was inviting me to Skype.  
Which obviously must be a mistake.

 **Elsa:** No, I mean it.  
Though it looks as if we can do that right through gmail?  
Let's do a video chat.  
 _Sent message at 11:29 PM on Tuesday_

 **Elsa:** Jack!

 **Jack:** you're serious.

 **Elsa:** I'm serious!

 **Jack:** you're serious  
you're serious??  
when??

 **Elsa:** right now!

 **Jack:** RIGHT noW?

 **Elsa:** Yes! Why not?  
Unless. **  
**Unless you're still busy.  
I'm sorry, I suppose I didn't quite think that through now did I?  
I just had this sudden urge to do it, to just plunge forward and see you

 **Jack:** LET'S DO IT

 **Elsa:** Yes??  
You’re not busy?

 **Jack:** hell no, I'm not busy  
all right that sounded pathetic  
I could still be busy  
on this fine thursday evening  
but I'm not  
SKYPE ME LETS DO IT

 **Elsa:** ALL RIGHT  
oh, I'm sorry, those weren't all supposed to be caps

 **JACK:** ELSA CALL ME  
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ARE FINALLY AGREEING TO THIS  
  
 **Elsa:** DON’T TALK ME OUT OF IT  
  
 **Jack:** SHIT  
SORRY  
DON’T READ THAT  
FORGET I SAID THAT  
I’LL CALL YOU??  
  
 **Elsa:** no, no, let me do it, it’s easier that way!  
It’s not so nerve-wracking if I can be the one to initiate it!  
  
 **Jack:** YES RIGHT  
OKAY  
I’ll JUST WAIT  
 _Sent message at 12:32 PM on Tuesday_

 **Elsa:** I’m sorry, I know it’s taking a long time!!  
I don’t know how else to calm myself down.  
MY HEART IS POUNDING.  
I’m sorry!! I don’t know why these keep coming out in all caps!!!  
  
 **Jack:** THAT’S OKAY BECAUSE MINE IS FREAKING THE FUCK OUT

 **Elsa:** IS THIS A GOOD IDEA?  
I THINK THOSE CAPS WERE ON PURPOSE.

 **Jack:** ARE YOU KIDDING THIS IS THE BEST IDEA  
ELSA CALL ME  
MY HANDS ARE LEGIT SHAKING

 **Elsa:** OKAY  
I’M CALLING NOW  
oh god, mine are too

 **Jack:** DO IT :D :D :D:D:D

 

**INCOMING CALL**

 

**INCOMING CALL**

 

**INCOMING**

 

 

**CALL LOST**

**Elsa:** what??  
what happened?  
I couldn't see anything, could you?  
did you answer?  
jack????

 **Jack:** SORRY, SHIT I realized I forgot something and freaked out  
two minutes **  
  
Elsa:** wait, what??

 **Jack:** shit  
i’m so sorry  
hold on

 **Elsa:** Jack, what is going on?  
do you want to Skype?  
Jack, you have to answer me, I'm losing my nerve.  
Jack!!

 **Jack:** SHIT NO WAIT  
wait no, I'm sorry, just ONE MINUTE PLEASE

 **Elsa:** honestly Jack, this isn't the time to be cleaning or anything I don't care I just want to talk to you and if I wait too long the anxiety will kick in and it'll become too much and I won't be able to work myself back into if for at least another day or two

 **Jack:** IM HERE  
IM BACK  
shit, I'm sorry  
I’M here, let's go, let's DO THIS

 **Elsa:** what were you doing? What took so long?  
are there people over?

 **Jack:** no, no, it's just me

 **Elsa:** … :(

 **Jack:** I swear to god  
i swear i swear **  
  
Elsa:** were you moving to a different room or something?

 **Jack:** no, but that may not be a bad idea actually  
BUT I CAN DO THAT LATER  
I’ll call you first!  
wait no  
You call me!

 **Elsa:** Wait a minute.  
  
 **Jack:**?

 **Elsa:** I'm sorry, I'm just really hung up on this. :(

 **Jack:** was that a play on words?  
SHIT NO  
Poor timing.  
Ignore that.  
Fuck, I'm sorry, I'm just sort of freaking out a little.

 **Elsa:** is that why you didn't pick up?  
Because you’re not that sure about it after all?  
It doesn’t have to be right now.

 **Jack:** what?  
oh NO, no, not like that. A GOOD freaking out  
jesus, i’m a mess.  
please, please, right now is fine  
right now is GREAT  
call me right now, please

 **Elsa:** Then why didn't you pick up? :(

 **Jack:** i just stupidly forgot something and needed to grab it real quick  
something important  
god, i’m sorry

 **Elsa:**...do I need this something too?

 **Jack:** uhh  
I don't think so  
no  
i’m 100% certain that you are not as dumb as i am  
wait  
i didn’t mean it like that  
jesus  
ignore EVERYTHING that i just said **  
  
Elsa:** What??  
What on earth are you talking about?

 **Jack:** no seriously, i swear, it’s nothing

 **Elsa:** You just said it was important?

 **Jack:** Elsa, just call me, please!!  
i am dying over here

 **Elsa:** I don’t mean to pry, and you obviously don’t have to share anything that you don’t want to, but I’m just a little confused?

 **Jack:** ughhhhhhh  
i know  
fml

 **Elsa:** Fml?

 **Jack:** wait  
don’t google that  
hold on  
okay i’ll tell you, okay, just don’t read much into it all right  
it’s actually super embarrassing  
especially now

 **Elsa:** Jack, what on earth? :(  
Is something wrong?  
If you don’t want to talk tonight, please just say so.  
What did you forget? Something questionable? :/  
Something inappropriate?  
Something incriminating?  
Like a dead body :P  
(Sorry, was that too morbid?)  
I’m trying to think of what other ridiculous things you could have forgotten.  
The memorabilia of an old girlfriend perhaps?  
The millions of dollars you just robbed from a bank?  
The stolen crown jewels of a Norwegian Duchess?

 **Jack:** a shirt  
 **  
Elsa:** A set of  
oh  
 _Sent message at 11:54 PM on Tuesday_

 **Jack:** FUCK I am as red as a goddamn tomato  
if we skype now you're gonna be skyping with a damn tomato  
I am a terrible blusher  
did I tell you that?  
I don't think I mentioned that.  
I am now getting redder  
I am going to stop narrating this  
this is so fucking embarrassing  
you can feel free to cut me out of your life now forever  
actually please don't do that  
why aren't you saying anything  
if I were still not wearing a shirt my whole goddamn chest would be a giant fucking cherry-ass tomato party

**INCOMING CALL  
**

**Jack:** SON OF A

**INCOMING CALL  
**

 

 

**CONNECTED**

* * *

[ 5 / 7 ]


	6. Skype

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _2/18/15_. Oops, I lost my Author's Notes. D: I don't feel like rewriting them, bah, so here's a shorter version of what I had.
> 
> (1) **Beta'd** by the lovely **ALISON**.  
>  (2) Puns have been supplied by the punny **ABBY**.  
>  (3) [I wrote jelsa smut](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3330815).
> 
> Enjoy! :)

 

_Skype_

* * *

 

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Mar 13, 2015 at 10:49 AM  
Subject:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>

   
it got worse.

we spent three hours talking on skype last night. 

question: how the hell am i supposed to go to sleep without talking with elsa for three hours on skype first? how did i _ever_ got to sleep without talking with elsa for three hours on skype first?

i think i’ve actually got a condition now.

dude, this is so bad, and i’m such a fucking moron because I’VE NEVER ACTUALLY FUCKING MET HER.

what do i do.

i’m deteriorating, i think.

* * *

From: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>  
Date: Fri, Mar 13, 2015 at 10:57 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com> 

what in the bloody hell is that e-mail address

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, Mar 13, 2015 at 10:59 AM  
Subject:  
To: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com> 

  
aw, fuck, i sent it from the wrong one.

you know what?? who the hell still uses yahoo?? YOU do. you don’t have a right to judge. 

A LITTLE HELP PLEASE

* * *

From: **E. Aster Bunnymund** <aster@yahoo.com>  
Date: Fri, Mar 13, 2015 at 11:07 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

  
how in the hell do you do this to yourself 

give me a fucking minute

* * *

 **BUNS**  

Sorry mate... didn't mean  
to burst your bubble. 

Nah. It's fine. Thanks  
for calling.

Talk to you later, man.

Just remember

It may not be what you think,  
okay? 

* * *

 **Jack:** Why, hello there. 

 **Elsa:** Why, hello. :)  
Good morning to you. :) 

 **Jack:** Hey.  
Can I ask you something? 

 **Elsa:** I’m surprised that you’re asking if you can ask something.  
Sorry.  
What I meant was: “Yes, please ask.”  
:P  
You're so quiet.  
Is everything okay? 

 **Jack:** Yeah, no, everything's totally fine.  
It's just a curiosity thing.

 **Elsa:** Are you sure?  
I'm getting... a different impression. 

 **Jack:** No, I swear, everything is fine.  
I mean.  
I know I'm not typing weird or anything.  
(But I'm also trying to write this paper this morning, too.)  
As you already know.  
Sorry. You know what I mean.  
Thanks again for reading that, btw. 

 **Elsa:** All right. So what is it?  
I thought... things ended fairly well last night?  
:/ 

 **Jack:** YES  
of course  
YES THEY DID  
completely  
oh god, don't worry, it's not about that or anything  
about the Skyping I mean 

 **Elsa:** Are you sure? 

 **Jack:** yes, totally.  
I just  
I have a have a question I really want to ask you, but I'm not sure if it's worth it to ask?  
I mean  
because I don't know if you'll be willing to answer it  
so I don't know if I want to have asked it, and then have had you tell me no 

 **Elsa:**??  
You could try?  
Sorry.  
That also sounded very awful.  
I promise it wouldn’t have sounded as completely awful if I'd been able to speak it. 

 **Jack:** ha, well  
I guess it is a little easier now too, right?  
Since now I know what that might sound like  
:) :) :) 

 **Elsa:** :) :)  
So what is your question?  
I have a feeling that your doubts, although perhaps well-founded, might be for nothing. 

 **Jack:** no, no, I know.  
especially after last night 

 **Elsa:** :) 

 **Jack:** but  
It’s just that it’s about your… current location, I guess? 

 **Elsa:** Oh.

 **Jack:** yeah.  
Sorry  
you don't have to answer :/ 

 **Elsa:** No, no, I'm just thinking.  
And realizing that I suppose I'm not very surprised.  
Just a little... off-guard.  
I suppose. 

 **Jack:** sorry  
should I not ask? 

 **Elsa:** No, it's all right.  
Go on, please. 

 **Jack:** Yeah?  
Okay, well  
it’s just  
call me crazy  
but I was talking on the phone this morning  
and out of nowhere  
I realized  
something strange that I must have noticed last night while we were talking  
but didn't think anything about  
until suddenly like  
mid-sentence  
it just popped in my head 

 **Elsa:** what did? 

 **Jack:** sorry this isn't making any sense  
Okay here's the thing:  
last I assumed, you were still in Oslo.  
Like  
in norway.  
Or somewhere in denmark or somewhere  
even though you'd ended your vacation  
because all this time i'd just sorta gotten the impression that you lived in europe, and anna moved to canada, and that she was “close but far” and I don't even know,i'm going off on a tangent now so  
but  
 _Sent at 3:23 PM on Friday_  

 **Elsa:** But?

 **Jack:** but  
if you were in Oslo...  
then when we hung up last night at 3:07am EST, there should have been at least a _little_ light outside your window  
because it would have been 9:07am your time  
(i looked it up, don’t judge)  
but whatever, that’s the thing, because i didn’t even NEED to look it up, because I know the time conversions now almost by heart anyway  
which is actually why i _had_ to look it up, to make sure, because i know the time conversions almost by heart, and there should have been light outside your window  
but there wasn’t  
it was nighttime.  
it was pitch black.  
so  
i guess what i’m trying to say  
in a really roundabout wayis that i’m guessing you’re not in oslo anymore  
and i’m wondering if it’s okay to ask if that’s true.  
 _Sent at 3:27 PM on Friday_  

 **Elsa:** It’s true.

 **Jack:** Okay. Just wondering.  
 _Sent at 3:28 PM on Friday_  

 **Elsa:** Are you angry?

 **Jack:** What??  
Why would I be angry? 

 **Elsa:** Because...  
Well, for one, you’ve been operating this whole time under the assumption that I was in a different time zone.  
And further, arranging your schedule around assumption.  
It was awfully late. 

 **Jack:** nah, that’s not an issue.  
And it’s not like I really thought you getting up at 6:30 in the morning was any better, tbh. 

 **Elsa:** It wasn’t an inconvenience? 

 **Jack:** Uh. No.  
I don’t know about you, but I considered that a pretty good use of my time. 

 **Elsa:** I did.  
Do.  
I enjoyed talking to you. 

 **Jack:** well good.  
Because I liked talking to you too.  
 _Sent at 3:32 PM on Friday_  

 **Elsa:** Do you have any other questions?  
About where I am? 

 **Jack:** i thought about it for a while  
actually  
after I realized  
because i've actually been wondering where you are pretty much since we first started this penpalship  
thing  
friendship thing  
and i thought about it this morning  
i've actually been thinking about it for a while  
even before this morning's realization  
and I realized before any of that  
that it really doesn't matter  
so if you ever feel like you're ready to/want to tell me, then okay  
but otherwise  
I really don't mind knowing or not knowing  
does that make sense? 

 **Elsa:** Yes.  
 _Sent at 3:27 PM on Friday_  

 **Jack:** er  
is that okay? 

 **Elsa:** Yes, of course.  
And I'm so thankful that you're so understanding and patient about it.  
Truly. 

 **Jack:** well, yeah  
of course.  
I mean  
it's not like it's very important anyway  
we've been functioning pretty well so far with no real issues  
and we can just keep operating under the EST timezone for stuff  
so really  
it works  
   
 **Elsa:** Yes.  
I think so too. 

 **Jack:** all right  
so  
we're good? 

 **Elsa:** Were we not good??

 **Jack:** lol, no no no no  
just an expression sorry, haha  
I mean like  
I don't know what I mean  
I was just being awkward because I feel like I just created this weird conversation, and i'm trying to get out of the awkward puddle, lol  
ehhh don't mind me, i'm already over the awkwardness I think  
it's just harder to tell sometimes with just words 

 **Elsa:** Yes, I agree.  
Sorry that I keep saying that. 

 **Jack:** hahahaha it's okay  
as long as you're good  
i'm good  
BECAUSE YOU’RE STUCK WITH ME :D :D  
whoah  
sorry  
just kidding.  
Might have been too much  
jesus.  
this was so much easier on skype, wasn’t it 

 **Elsa:** :)  
Would you like to skype again? 

 **Jack:** um YES  
of course 

 **Elsa:** :) :)

 **Jack:** :) :) :) :) :) :) :)  
actually  
I have a superb idea  
but i'm not gonna tell you until I finish this paper  
ughhhh ugh this paper  
whatever  
i'm like  
stupidly excited about this idea that I have but i'm not gonna get my hopes up or waste your time in case I don't manage to finish my paper tonight  
actually no that's a terrible idea  
I'M GONNA TELL YOU NOW SO IT WILL BE INCENTIVE  
I'm totally just gonna rewatch this show as you watch it  
SO WILL YOU BE FREE TONIGHT TO DISCUSS???  
after I submit my paper  
   
 **Elsa:** Ahahah, yes.  
I should be! 

 **Jack:** YES good  
okay  
okay well I need to work on this godforsaken essay  
because I am dying for you to start this show  
so you can watch it with me :D :D  
buuuuuuut I can't do that until this goddamn paper is submitted UGH  
so  
i'm gonna go work on that now  
and then send you my netflix account as I do the final proofread  
“proofread”  
just kidding  
or am I?  
Oh I also owe you more selfies  
including my morning photo  
and at least three variations of favorite body parts ;) ;)

 **Elsa:** Jack. 

 **Jack:** yes right  
procrastinating  
excited  
stalling!!  
okay going now  
(but in the meantime if you have the time and)  
(if you're feeling up to it)  
(we can add an ice cream refrigerator-box to the library map)  
(right near my table)  
(no pressure)  
(I just need brain fuel, that's all.) 

 **Elsa:** Ahahaha, okay.  
I'll see what I can do. 

 **Jack:** okay great you're the best  
TALK TO YOU LATER THANK YOU BYE  
:) :) :) :) :) 

 **Elsa:** :)

_Jack is offline._

* * *

**Anna**

Anna, I'm sorry to bother  
you. I'm just feeling very  
conflicted, and totally  
unprepared for it, and I'm  
not sure what I should do. 

Anna?

* * *

**Kristoff**

 

Hey Elsa

Anna's phone is broken  
just FYI 

She dropped it in the lake  
again 

So it'll be a few days before  
we get her a new one 

Have you tried to message  
her lately? 

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

. 

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Sun, Apr 5, 2015 at 6:51 PM  
Subject: a;lskdjf:LSKDfja;lskdjfLSKDJFsldajf;  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no> 

ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Sun, Apr 5, 2015 at 6:52 PM  
Subject: Re: a;lskdjf:LSKDfja;lskdjfLSKDJFsldajf;  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com> 

  
If you spoil me for this episode, Jackson Overland, I will never forgive you. 

Just let me get a few more things taken care of and then I'll be ready!

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Sun, Apr 5, 2015 at 6:52 PM  
Subject: a;lskdjf:LSKDfja;lskdjfLSKDJFsldajf;  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

I would never. ;) 

Okay, take your time!

I'm ready to go whenever.

* * *

 **Elsa:** Okay, I'm here! 

 **Jack:** YES  
are you ready??? 

 **Elsa:** Yes, it's streaming now.  
I think.  
There's a commercial on that seems like it will never end.  
Oh no, wait, it's gone now. 

 **Jack:** yes good  
very good  
also  
we are getting you a TV for christmas  
or your next birthday  
or anna's birthday  
whatever's soonest 

 **Elsa:** Yes, yes, I've heard it all before. :P  
Are you ready to go? 

 **Jack:** am I ready to go  
am I  
ready  
to go  
am i ready

 **Elsa:** Jack, it's about to start. 

 **Jack:** YES SO READY  
call me :D :D 

 **Elsa:** Calling now! :)

**INCOMING CALL**

 

**CONNECTED**

* * *

  **VIDEO CHAT IN-SESSION**  

* * *

**CALL ENDED**

 

 **Jack:** okay wait  
one last thing  
before you go  
seriously like  
what  
a fucking  
TRIP  
like  
what the fuck just happened  
ELSA 

 **Elsa:** I am STILL PROCESSING, JACK.  
I am THINKING. 

 **Jack:** lol, omg  
I love your face  
when it's just like  
in shock  
and I can tell that you're outlining all these little details and bullet points in your head  
and synthesizing  
I can SEE the dots connecting and breaking and reconnecting hahaha  
meanwhile i'm just shouting in the background  
swearing 

 **Elsa:** And running your hands over your face and through your hair, yes, yes. 

 **Jack:** so you noticed, lol

 **Elsa:** Ahaha, sometimes it's hard to choose which window to watch.  
Do I watch the program, or the very violent immediate-reactions to the program?  
I am very entertained by both. 

 **Jack:** enraptured  
i believe the word you are looking for is enraptured  
or possibly 'enthralled' 

 **Elsa:** It is possible. :)  
That was certainly the case during the stretch of time in which the only word you were willing to say was “fuck.” 

 **Jack:** oh my god  
you just typed the word fuck  
this is my favorite day ever 

 **Elsa:**???  
Is it that remarkable that I have? 

 **Jack:** yes  
no  
maybe??  
ELSA I HAVE NEVER HEARD/SEEN YOU SWEAR 

 **Elsa:** I know for a fact that isn’t true.

 **Jack:**???????????

 **Elsa:** It was within one of our very first pieces of correspondence, as a matter of fact.  
In December. 

 **Jack:** december….???  
i legit have no memory of this. 

 **Elsa:** You can’t be serious.  
How?? 

 **Jack:** what do you mean HOW  
i don’t remember!   
(i would remember this)  
(seriously)

 **Elsa:** (I am not quite sure why this is in parentheses? I shall have you know that the parentheses add a very disconcerting layer of shiftiness to this context.)  
(Shifty subtext.)  
It was the second post card I sent you!

 **Jack:** (there is no shiftiness i promise)  
(also you are the one who is claiming incidents about which i have no memory)  
(so who is the shifty one here really)  
also, seriously which postcard??

 **Elsa:** Ah.  
The one in which I sent you my mailing address in Copenhagen.  
In which I not-so-gracefully agreed to your invitation for penpalship. 

 **Jack:** oh  
god.  
THAT postcard. 

 **Elsa:** Ah. Yes.  
I’m sorry. 

 **Jack:** no no no noT YOU  
i’m remembering the other postcard i sent before that  
from canada  
god  
so lame 

 **Elsa:** Ahaha, you are too hard on yourself.  
I was hardly at my best in my response.  
:P 

 **Jack:** oh my god please no  
i can’t think about this anymore too painful :P  
(SO lame, erase it from your memory, i beg you.)  
(beg.)  
anyway.  
you wrote the word “fuck”  
i have never been so fascinated by anyone sayi  
WAIT  
an F BOMB  
I REMEMBER NOW  
oh my god hold on let me go find it  
 _Sent at 7:01 PM on Sunday_  

 **Elsa:** You disappeared??

 **Jack:** YES  
LOOK  
CHECK YOUR INBOX  
so much for not thinking about this anymore  
jesus

 **Elsa:**?  
Oh my god.  
You didn’t!

 **Jack:** i DID  
look at this glorious picture  
a letter from elsa, postmarked january 8th from copenhagen, denmark  
“my only saving grace to this lapse in judgment is the 98% certainty that i did not drop an f bomb, as anna would say” 

 **Elsa:** Funny. I recall having much better capitalization.  
You still have my letters on hand?

 **Jack:** oh god  
this brings this to a whole new level  
this is new  
I like new things  
and sorta, i keep them in a pile on my table :P  
you don’t? 

 **Elsa:** You are very strange. :P  
And I would say a bit more to that if my mind weren't already so jumbled with so many other thoughts.  
(I keep your old letters and postcards in a bundle in my desk drawer.)  
(In retrospect, I should not have put that in parentheses.)  
(There is no subtext.)  
(And certainly nothing shifty.)

 **Jack:** Oh. :)  
i am okay with that.  
lol  
also, i'm fully expecting an essay on the characterization and plot development in tonight's episode within the next day or so  
but really  
what the fuck WAS that  
WHAT HAPPENED 

 **Elsa:** I...  
don't KNOW.  
I am still trying to figure it out. 

 **Jack:** okay well GOOd  
when you do, please let me know  
I will be forever in your debt.  
(we can add it to the scoreboard)  
(no shifty subtext)  
(or is there)

 **Elsa:** Now who's obsessed with keeping score?  
(Ridiculous.)

 **Jack:** OH  
speaking of  
(scores and shifty subtext, both of them)  
I found another pun to add to the list  
and I think this one you will appreciate especially  
because it pertains to serial killers

 **Elsa:** Charming.

 **Jack:** are you ready?  
ready here we go  
“What do you do with dead fruit?” 

 **Elsa:** You berry it.

 **Jack:** DAMMIT  
I was so sure I had you on that one.  
D: D: 

 **Elsa:** Ahahaha, I apologize.  
Okay, I was going to save this one, but I suppose I can share it now.  
(Anna taught me this one, who learned it from Kristoff.)  
I think you will find it relatable on many different levels. :) 

 **Jack:** i am sensing bad.

 **Elsa:** “What is a frat guy's favorite class?”

 **Jack:** a frat guy  
elsa  
did you just type  
the word fuck  
and frat  
in the same conversation?  
it's like I don't even recognize you anymore 

 **Elsa:** Just wait. :)  
Now answer my pun. 

 **Jack:** wait  
elsA WAIT  
WHAT  
what do you mean 'just wait'??  
wait for WHAT?  
what are you planning??  
elsa?????  
i am sensing shiftiness.

 **Elsa:** Jack.  
The frat guy. 

 **Jack:** FINE yes okay  
wait  
relatable??  
what are you implying???? 

 **Elsa:** You know what I am implying. :P

 **Jack:** I am offended. D:

 **Elsa:** You are not.  
Now answer the pun. 

 **Jack:** lol, dammit, no, i'm really not  
all right  
uhhhhhhh  
I don't know.  
What class does the frat guy like?  
(or in this case, what is MY favorite class? :P) 

 **Elsa:** Algebruh.  
 _Sent at 7:13 PM on Sunday_  

 **Elsa:** Jack? 

 **Jack:** i am speechless.

 **Elsa:** Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

 **Jack:** it is a speechless thing  
i don't  
that is  
wow.  
that is a pun. 

 **Elsa:** Ahaha!  
I could send you another algebraic equation, if you'd like. 

 **Jack:** god no  
please  
that first one was more than enough  
honestly 

 **Elsa:** Ahahah, well, if you insist. :)  
All right, I should be going now.  
I have a very busy day tomorrow!! 

 **Jack:** YES  
go show those people  
or whoever they are  
who's boss 

 **Elsa:** Jack, I told you that I am not TECHNICALLY anyone's boss.

 **Jack:** right  
BUT SHOW THEM ANYWAY 

 **Elsa:** Ahahah, okay. I shall.  
I'll send the newest selfie batch in the morning as well!  
Or maybe later tonight, if I have the time.  
Whichever. 

 **Jack:** Okay. :)  
I WILL SEND MINE TOMORROW  
finals are creeping closer D: 

 **Elsa:** Ah. I remember the feeling well. 

 **Jack:** :(

 **Elsa:** Ahahah, sorry.  
If it's any consolation, I'm not completely exempt from that type of dread either.  
Even if it's a bit different. :P  
Sorry, that may not have helped. 

 **Jack:** no, lol, it's okay.  
alright  
are we still on for tuesday night?

 **Elsa:** Yes, I don't think there's any reason why I shouldn't be free. :)

 **Jack:** okay good :D :D  
see you then 

 **Elsa:** See you!

_Elsa is offline._

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Apr 6, 2015 at 8:24 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

  
okay I am still not over last night's episode and I think I have a new theory (I know you probably have like five hundred but I DIGRESS) and I need to share it 

please please please tell me you'll have like ten or fifteen minutes to skype tonight

i beg you

also, cat:

  

(you can pretend that the one on the right is me.)

 

Tʜɪs ᴡᴀs sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Mon, Apr 6, 2015 at 9:01 AM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

   
Ohhhh, they are too cute! (And now that you mention it, the flailing does seem rather familiar...) 

Possibly! But honestly only for a very little while. I have a very important meeting tomorrow and I still have a great deal of preparation before I feel completely ready.

 

Sent from my iPhone

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Apr 6, 2015 at 9:08 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

  
yes okay DEFINITELY. I promise I will not take up too much of your time, I swear. 

(also the arm flailing is a direct result of TV suspense; i shall have you know that on a regular basis i am actually quite graceful, thank you. i am only 2% spaz.)

also I don't have any of my other selfies on my phone that are for the latest list but here's a bonus for the hell of it :D

  
  
Tʜɪs ᴡᴀs sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

 **  
1 Attachment  
** _look whos taking a work break with pastries mwahahah.jpg_

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Mon, Apr 6, 2015 at 9:12 AM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com> 

  
Oh my goodness, you WOULD choose the pastry the size of your head, wouldn't you. (I bet you haven't sent this picture to Tooth either, have you?) 

   
Sent from my iPhone 

 **1 Attachment  
** _perplexed face why is that pastry larger than your head.jpg_

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Apr 6, 2015 at 9:14 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

  
Elsa, please. My selfies are for you and you alone. :)  
 

Tʜɪs ᴡᴀs sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Mon, Apr 6, 2015 at 9:14 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
 

also she would scold me D:  
 

Tʜɪs ᴡᴀs sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

* * *

 **Anna**  

Ugh.

I don't know what I'm  
doing anymore.

?????

what did he do now

Nothing in particular.

you liar

;) ;) ;)

you tell him that you want his  
bod yet 

elsa?

Ugh.

okay screenshot everything  
and e-mail them to me 

i will dissect and we will  
discuss

I refuse.

fine :P

then just call me later

I can't. :(

oh good lord are you  
skyping him again tonight 

SAVE SOME FOR THE REST  
OF US LADY 

you know i'm kidding

you know that i'm totally 100%  
kidding 

you know that I am 120% in love  
with the fact that you are regularly  
skyping with booty jack 

and have forgotten your beloved  
sister 

elsa that is a JOKE

it's also more like 12000000000%  
in love with the fact 

so

also can you please tell me again  
when you're taking the LSAT 

i want to make sure i mark it on  
my calendar 

(and by my calendar I mean kristoff's  
calendar) 

(i have no calendar)

I just want to make sure that I know  
when not to bother you and when to  
send good luck flowers 

and also when to send the food  
delivery trucks to make sure you  
haven't accidentally forgotten to  
buy yourself food and things  
during your self-imposed hermitry 

of studiousness

You are ridiculous.

I love you.

I'll send you an e-mail later  
with all of the dates and  
everything okay?

okay just make sure you send  
me stuff about HOTT JACK TOO 

btw, i still totally creep the hell out  
of him on facebook fun fact 

WHAT?

ANNA.

STOP.

WAIT

WOULD YOU BELIEVE  
ME IF I SAID 

I WAS KIDDING?? 

I FORBID IT.

WAIT

WHAT

ELSA

PLEASE

JUST A LITTLE?? 

No. Absolutely not.

You asked for my blessing,  
but my answer is no.

>:(

UGH

THIS IS SO UNFAIR

elsa he's going on vacation  
soon and i want to see  
outdoorsy pics!! 

elsa?

ELSA PLEASE

VACATION PICS

I love you.

No.

* * *

 **Jack:** HEY  
HOW ARE YOU :D :D 

 **Elsa:** Ahahah, hello! :)  
You had some theories for me? 

 **Jack:** yes  
and then  
on the train I realized  
that they couldn't work D:  
aaaaand i could have sent you an e-mail to let you know  
buuuuuuuuuuuut  
i didn't  
because i am selfish :)  
but i won't hold you to skype though, lol, out of deceit 

 **Elsa:** Deceit. :P  
That is a very strong word. 

 **Jack:** lol, whichever word then  
i lured you into g-chat under false pretenses haha  
so i promise i won't be long  
how was your day?? 

 **Elsa:** It was... busy.  
I have a number of very major events coming up in the next few months.  
Some of which I have spent months preparing for, also.  
I am both very excited and very anxious. 

 **Jack:** oh  
like  
anxious  
or anxious-anxious  
the anxious-anxious that you talked about  
ehhh  
sorry it probably doesn't help seeing it spelled out so many times D: 

 **Elsa:** No, it's all right.  
And to be honest, it's been relatively manageable.  
I've been in a much better place since my holiday ended.  
Mental place, that is.  
Not to say that the physical place isn't either, but.  
I wish I could erase everything that I just sent to you. 

 **Jack:** lol, no, it's totally fine.  
I'm glad you're excited about it though 

 **Elsa:** Yes. I am, too.  
Are you excited about anything in particular? 

 **Jack:** you mean like finishing this semester?

 **Elsa:** Yes.  
And also perhaps the upcoming vacation that you've mentioned. 

 **Jack:** oh hell yeah THAT  
yes  
i've been meaning to tell you but I wasn't sure about dates so I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure, but i'll just tell you now  
we're definitely doing the trip at the very beginning of may  
before the memorial day crew makes their touristy trips of course  
and after my classes are all ended thank god  
i'm taking a summer class but it won't start until june/july  
so we're all gonna head up to new hampshire and camp out for a couple of days  
and then we're actually gonna hit up both providence and boston the way down  
we'll probably only spend one night in boston and one in providence, but I don't really mind  
there's really nothing to do there, in my opinion  
i'd actually just skip boston altogether if tooth weren't so set on it, but  
history~~~~~~  
so.  
i'll definitely tell you when we hammer down the dates though!  
shouldn't affect us too much, but i definitely won't have service in the mountains for a few days  
so  
it's a little less than a month away, i guess. 

 **Elsa:** So soon? 

 **Jack:** lol, yeah, isn't that crazy  
this lack of planning must be driving you crazy  
planner of the year meets go-with-the-flow, wherever-the-wind-takes-me guy

 **Elsa:** Meets?

 **Jack:** oh, sorry, hahaha  
just an expression  
are you going on another vacation anytime soon? 

 **Elsa:** No, not for a while yet.  
So what parts of the cities will you be visiting?  
It seems like you tend to avoid the spots most likely to attract tourists. 

 **Jack:** lol, i certainly try  
but only because i like messing with them :P  
and that annoys the others, haha 

 **Elsa:** I see.

 **Jack:** whoah, wait, elsa  
i promise i'm not like a total dick about it  
just little things  
honestly  
I swear 

 **Elsa:** I believe you.

 **Jack:** oh okay  
i got worried for a second there  
you have your pensive silence thing going 

 **Elsa:** I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind.  
Tell me more about the places you'd like to go.  
When you do visit these cities, I mean.  
In particular. 

 **Jack:** those two?  
okay, well  
uhhhhhh in providence there's really not much actually  
we usually just go out  
or we'll see a movie or go to one of the 21+ arcades  
where i beat EVERYONE at air hockey  
(slightly in part because I cheat)  
(just a little)  
but only against aster ;)  
elsa  
elsa you’re being quiet  
please don't judge D: 

 **Elsa:** Ahahah, no, I won't.

 **Jack:** okay good  
i am like  
so on edge right now  
i have no idea why  
does anything feel funny to you?  
i have this funny feeling. 

 **Elsa:** I'm not sure?  
I don't think so. 

 **Jack:** okay  
just me being weird then, haha 

 **Elsa:** So what else do you like to do?  
In Boston. 

 **Jack:** in boston?  
well i mean  
i guess it's really not that bad  
I always joke that it's always either full of really old people or small children, 99.9% of whom are sport fanatics  
but i guess it's also arguably one of the biggest college cities in the country too so  
it's just so hard to compare  
because new york never really sleeps  
and in boston all the good stuff closes by one  
in the MORNING  
so i don't know  
drinking is not the basis for the enjoyment of a vacation, I KNOW THAT, but i just get a little bored  
although that could also be from tagging along with tooth on all of her historical journeys too lol  
   
 **Elsa:** I've always had a very deep fondness for Boston, actually.  
It's a very beautiful place. 

 **Jack:** yes, well there is that  
:P 

 **Elsa:** And the history of Boston is incredibly rich, so Tooth and I would agree about that.

 **Jack:** right  
as would most of my high school textbooks, i'm sure 

 **Elsa:** And it's the hub of a great deal of political and legislative activity.  
Not to mention its very prestigious universities. 

 **Jack:** elsa  
it's okay  
you can tell me 

 **Elsa:** what?

 **Jack:** you can tell me  
that you're a boston fan :P  
I won't be too offended 

 **Elsa:** Oh.

 **Jack:** well. I might be a little.  
Like  
I might want to curl into a little ball and cry and then drag you away to new york so you can see how much better it is in every way :) :)  
i'm kidding  
except about the crying part  
that part is real  
have you been to new york?? 

 **Elsa:** Only twice.  
I thought it was very crowded and dirty. :P 

 **Jack:** D: !!

 **Elsa:** :P  
  
 **Jack:** you take that back  
actually no you're totally right, it is  
but it is an ACQUIRED TASTE  
which most people have acquired :P 

 **Elsa:** I think you should go to Boston.

 **Jack: i** AM going to boston :P  
don't remind me, ugh 

 **Elsa:** I mean.  
I think you should try to ENJOY coming to Boston. 

 **Jack:** you feel so strongly about this

 **Elsa:** Yes.

 **Jack:** …..why??  
you didn't even stick up for oslo this much, lol  
i mean, not that we were debating norway  
but like  
i never heard you talk this way about oslo or copenhagen  
why boston?  
i know you've been there a lot, but?? 

 **Elsa:** Boston... is a very important city to me, I suppose.  
It's hard to explain. 

 **Jack:** lol, okay  
that's fine :)  
hmm  
all right then  
well, since you're such a boston expert/fan/something  
send me a list of things i should do while in boston so it doesn't drag so much :P 

 **Elsa:** You want a list?

 **Jack:** yes, please :)  
oh wait  
WAIT  
you are super busy tonight aren't you  
okay  
i'm sorry i totally lost track of time  
you don't have to do it now, sorry  
we can joke about this later  
i mean talk  
i totally meant talk 

 **Elsa:** Are you busy at the moment?

 **Jack:** well no

 **Elsa:** All right.  
Then, if it's okay with you, I'd like to send you a bit of a list right now.  
Is that all right? 

 **Jack:** uh yeah  
but are you sure?  
don't you have that big thing tomorrow? 

 **Elsa:** I do, but I can wait.

 **Jack:** holy shit, haha  
you are so loyal to this place, omg  
wait  
WAIT A MINUTE  
waait  
i can  
i can see the CONNECTIONS FORMING IN MY MIND  
okay  
okay tell me if i'm onto something here  
boston  
is a COLLEGE CITY  
lots of PRESTIGIOUS UNIVERSITIES  
and you  
YOU WENT TO COLLEGE 

 **Elsa:** I did.

 **Jack:** yes WELL  
actually that's all the evidence I have  
BUT I AM GETTING  
THE IMPRESSION  
FROM THE PRIDE THAT IS JUST UNDERLYING YOUR VOICE  
THAT YOU  
WENT TO COLLEGE  
HERE  
I MEAN THERE  
IN BOSTON  
IS THAT  
IST ATH TRUE?  
 _Sent at 7:27 PM on Monday_  

 **Elsa:** Yes.

 **Jack:** oh my god  
you DID  
no fucking wonder!!  
oops sorry that slipped out  
but i mean it makes SO MUCH SENSE NOW  
lol, of course you're super loyal to your alma mater omg  
okay okay  
i have been dying to know that for AGES  
FUCK yes  
:D :D :D :D  
okay  
okay tell me where you went so I can go crash your campus  
and make up vivid stories in my head about little tiny elsa  
little freshman elsa  
being studious and adorable in her campus element  
oh my god  
where did you go?? 

 **Elsa:** Harvard.

 **Jack:** oh.  
wow. 

 **Elsa:** Ahahaha, yes.  
Although technically Harvard is located in Cambridge.  
We are always very particular about that fact. :) 

 **Jack:** yeah  
i think i've heard that.  
wow. 

 **Elsa:** Sorry! I didn't quite mean to just throw that out there.  
It just seemed like the right time to mention it... 

 **Jack:** no, no  
that's  
totally fine.  
i'm just 

 **Elsa:** Processing?

 **Jack:** yes.  
wow.  
harvard? 

 **Elsa:** Yes. :)

 **Jack:** wow.

 **Elsa:** Yes...  
Is that... strange? 

 **Jack:** No, no, definitely not  
I'm just totally not surprised, I think  
now that I think about it  
what did you study? 

 **Elsa:** Many things, but mostly Political Science.

 **Jack:** ah.  
right.  
running for government? :)  
 _Sent at 7:36 PM on Monday_  

 **Jack:** oh god  
you ARE 

 **Elsa:** Not... exactly.

 **Jack:** all right well  
i'm officially fucking thrown for a loop  
sorry  
that slipped out  
again 

 **Elsa:** I'm sorry.  
:/ 

 **Jack:** NO NO  
what  
no, don't be sorry  
i'm just  
ehhh  
jesus  
i'll be honest i guess  
i am super impressed and awed and intimidated and excited all at once  
and i don’t know what to say.  
looks like it’s >2% spaz after all. 

 **Elsa:** It doesn’t really have to change anything.  
Does it? 

 **Jack:** no, no of course not  
i’m just being weird  
but now i'm gonna go check out harvard yard obviously  
and prank your old dorm ;) 

 **Elsa:** Don't you dare!

 **Jack:** i'm kidding  
i'm kidding i promise  
still  
wow  
that uh  
puts this little side trip in a different light  
tooth is gonna flip when she finds out we're visiting harvard 

 **Elsa:** You've never been? :P 

 **Jack:** not really my scene. :P

 **Elsa:** :P

 **Jack:** :P  
anyway.  
yeah, okay, that's a pretty good reason to like boston i guess.  
or cambridge.  
wow  
jesus.  
any other things I should know about boston? 

 **Elsa:** Yes...  
The esplanade, for example.  
It's a very nice place to go for a walk. 

 **Jack:** yeah, okay, i get that.  
lol 

 **Elsa:** And there's plenty of famous pastry shops.  
With many different pastries that are easily the size of your head. 

 **Jack:** okay, this is working slightly, keep going.

 **Elsa:** And there's plenty of nice trails nearby, things to do outside.  
And pizza.  
Even though I know you are very particular about your New York loyalty. 

 **Jack:** lol, you got me there.  
okay, that's good.  
got any more? 

 **Elsa:** Well, I'm sure you could find tourists to bother somehow or other, also.  
And the comedy clubs are very clever.  
And the skyline is very beautiful.  
I've always loved the Museum of Science, with the planetarium. 

 **Jack:** hahaha, you would so get along with tooth  
you two would be like best museum-buds  
like  
i actually think that  
what else? 

 **Elsa:** I live here.  
 _Sent at 7:41 PM on Monday_  

 **Elsa:** ….Jack?  
 _Sent at 7:43 PM on Monday_  

 **Elsa:** Jack?

 **Jack:** here  
where is here? 

 **Elsa:** In Boston.  
Cambridge.  
I currently live in Cambridge. 

 **Jack:** you live in boston?

 **Elsa:** Cambridge.  
And yes.  
 _Sent at 7:45 PM on Monday_  

 **Elsa:** I've lived here for... almost seven years now?  
I've been here since I first arrived as an undergraduate.  
And... I'm currently preparing to apply to Law Schools.  
I will be taking the LSAT in a matter of weeks.  
My holiday was partly to give myself a break from all of the enormous studying I've been doing in its honor.  
I've been studying advocacy for a very long time.  
My double-major included Political Science with a concentration in International Affairs, and most of my research has revolved around the societal structures of modern-day monarchies and the history surrounding matriarchal rule.  
But that's another story.  
And I am rambling now.  
Jack, I am so sorry.  
The last thing I intended was to spring this on you.  
I'm so sorry. 

 **Jack:** No, no, it's okay  
it's okay  
i'm totally fine.  
i'm just... thinking.  
a lot.  
about  
things.  
Sorry. 

 **Elsa:** Are you angry?

 **Jack:** no, I promise  
I'm not  
I'm just 

 **Elsa:** What?

 **Jack:** Thinking.  
like  
i don’t even know where to start  
like okay  
sooo how do we do this then? 

 **Elsa:** Do what?

 **Jack:** do this Boston thing  
like  
are there any areas i should avoid?  
you know  
to avoid running into you 

 **Elsa:** Oh.

 **Jack:** I mean  
If that's what you want??  
 _Sent at 7:51 PM on Monday_  

 **Jack:** elsa im sorry, i didn't mean to be pushy  
and i don't want to make things even more complicated so  
how about we agree that whatever happens happens  
and if i happen to run into you then okay  
you can just pretend you never saw me  
(and that’s of course with the impossible likelihood of us actually coincidentally running into each other)  
(which is impossible)  
and if that doesn’t happen either then that's okay too  
but i don't want you to think that im gonna go hunting you down all over the city  
i promise  
so no worries there, lol  
 _Sent at 7:59 PM on Monday_  

 **Jack:** unless  
you want me to??  
lol  
just kidding  
kidding  
honestly, we can make this so easy  
i’ll tell tooth that i wanna see harvard and she’ll plan out the itinerary by the actual minute  
and i can just tell you where we’re gonna be and when  
and if anything changes i can just message you and give you a warning  
and you can just conveniently have something else to do across town the whole day long  
boom  
problem averted  
and then i can just keep e-mailing you silly cat gifs and late april fool’s day jokes all day like if i were still in new york  
or if i didn’t know we were actually in the same city  
at the same time  
and it will be just like normal.  
piece of cake.  
what do you think?  
 _Sent 8:02 PM on Monday_

 **Jack:** is that okay?  
elsa?  
i don’t think any of what i just said is helping  
you know what  
i’m just gonna talk to tooth and the others  
we’ll skip boston for now okay?  
i don’t wanna like  
make you so uncomfortable that you feel like you can’t leave your house  
without fear of running into me  
it’s just not worth the trip  
so don’t worry about it, okay?  
boston isn’t really going anywhere, so i can visit another time  
in the distant future  
cambridge, i mean  
elsa? 

 **Elsa:** I’d like to meet you.  
 _Sent at 8:04 PM on Monday_  

 **Jack:** i’m sorry  
what 

 **Elsa:** I  
I would like to meet you.  
In Cambridge.  
When you visit.  
If you’d like. 

 **Jack:** i  
don’t understand 

 **Elsa:** I’m… not sure what to say?  
To clarify, I mean.  
Do… you not want to? 

 **Jack:** is this  
is this a late april fool’s day joke  
because i already said i was sorry five thousand times  
i just take april fools very seriously  
i promised i wouldn’t do it again 

 **Elsa:** Jack, I’m being very serious.  
I promise.  
I’d really like to meet you. 

 **Jack:** you  
 _Sent at 8:07 PM on Monday_  

 **Elsa:** Jack??  
 _Sent at 8:10 PM on Monday_  

 **Elsa:** Jack, what are you doing over there?  
Should I not have suggested it?  
Are you all right?  
I know that you’d like to meet me too, but I’m rather confused by this silence?  
Is this too soon??  
Jack! 

 **Jack:** aslfkaslfk;ldkasjflksjdf;ljk  
lkdsaflKJDL:FKSJD:FLKSJDFLKSDFL:KSJDFLKNDFl  
LDVPOSIDOSPIDHFPSOIDFOS:DF:LSDKF:LSKDJFL:SKDJF:LSKDJF:LSKDJFLSKDJFLSKDJFLKSDJFL:KSJDF:LKSDF:LKJSDL:FKJSDLFKJLSDKJFSLDKJFLSKDJF:LSKDJF:LKSJDFL  
flskaf;  
a;lk  
j 

 **Elsa:** what just happened

 **Jack:** yes  
yes good  
yes please 

 **Elsa:** Is that… excitement?  
Did you just take your hands and pound them into the keyboard? 

 **Jack:** it is the graceful art of keyboard mashing  
and yes  
to everything  
is this serious?  
are you being really honest right now?  
because  
because it’s okay if you change your mind  
or if you’re just playing with the idea  
okay  
like  
(i really don’t want to do anything to make you rethink this idea okay so please pleas please don’t think that i don’t want this or that i’m doing anything to pressure you either way) but i really don’t want to start like  
getting my hopes up  
if this isn’t a serious thing  
is this a serious thing?  
either way i’m fine  
i just need to know 

 **Elsa:** I’m serious.  
:) 

 **Jack:** okay  
…… how serious. 

 **Elsa:** Very serious.

 **Jack:** very serious.

 **Elsa:** Quite possibly more serious than I usually am about most things.  
Which is quite serious. 

 **Jack:** quite.

 **Elsa:** Possibly more serious than I have been in a very long time.  
I would really like to meet you in-person. 

 **Jack:** i  
 _Sent at 8:18 PM on Monday_  

 **Jack:** what are we doing  
skype me please. 

 **Elsa:** Right now?

 **Jack:** YES.  
please.  
i am having trouble typing.  
unless now isn’t a good time 

 **Elsa:** I’m not sure…

 **Jack:** that’s okay.  
honestly.  
but like  
elsa i am not conveying myself properly on here at all  
and i need you to know what’s actually going on inside my head right now  
or on my face  
one is usually very indicative of the other  
can we skype?? 

 **Elsa:** Yes, but.  
I just… I’m not sure what I’ll be able to say?  
I wasn’t expecting this conversation to turn out this way??  
I don’t know what we’re supposed to do now.  
I don’t want you to think that seeing my face on skype may make things any clearer. 

 **Jack:** it won’t be like that i promise  
i don’t even think i’m all that capable of speech right now anyway  
i’m just going to be staring into the camera speechless  
and making faces  
and maybe laughing deliriously at sporadic intervals  
and occasionally spitting out the fact that  
i never actually thought this might be possible  
let alone something you would be willing to consider  
unless maybe it was forty years down the line when we were old white-haired elderly pen pals who still sent messages the “traditional” ways and reminisced about the old days while drinking iced coffee in the dead of winter  
but anyway  
you actually suggested it  
that we meet  
and part of me thinks that maybe i haven’t actually even really realized that yet  
like my brain is still processing and hasn’t caught up  
so in the meantime everything is giddy and floaty and i  
i am not making myself look very attractive here.  
i can’t help it.  
elsa please stop me  
skype. 

 **Elsa:** I...  
Jack, normally, I would answer you without hesitation.  
But.  
don’t worry.  
I can sense you worrying!  
Please don’t panic.  
Just let me finish first. 

 **Jack:** for the record, i am only slightly panicking.  
nm, that’s a lie. 

 **Elsa:** Jack!!

 **Jack:** okay  
okay i am trying not to jump to conclusions  
trying 

 **Elsa:** I will do this quickly.  
I love talking to you on Skype. I like seeing all the expressions you make with your face, and your eyebrows, and your eyes. I like to look at your face while you speak, and seeing all of the tiny nuances of reaction, because each one is always different from the last. Your laugh makes me laugh, or it at least makes me feel lighter, and I find myself growing very distracted all the time with your small ticks and habits, some of which I don’t even think you realize you have. Sometimes, I feel that it is so easy to talk to you on Skype that I don’t think we are truly talking with words at all.  
 _Sent at 8:25 PM on Monday_  

 **Jack:** fuck.  
elsa 

 **Elsa:** Which is why I can’t show you my face right now, because I have always held my confidence in words, and I have always protected myself with only showing others what I wanted them to see on my face, and right now I don’t know what my face shows, and I don’t know if sharing that would be for better or worse. Not yet.  
And the truth is that I want to see you very, very badly, but I am also still completely and utterly riddled with so many unnecessary, hindering, conflicting feelings about the possibilities that I’m afraid that tipping the scales too far in either direction could leave me with losing my nerve. And I don’t want that. 

I want to see you.

 **Jack:** elsa  
you are killing me here  
because how am i supposed to help you through any of this when all ia’ve got is this stupid messsenger that doesn’t do ANYTHING  
and you know how fucking terrible i am wwith words in teh first place  
i don’t know what i’m supposed to do  
i have 92093482093 thousand things tos ay but no way to type them all fast enough  
and even with that i’m doing a shitty job because my hands are shaking too badly to even do that rtight  
right  
ugh  
elsa listen  
maybe just  
an audio call??  
so you can hear my voice?  
i can’t do this typing shit anymore i’m sorry  
it doesn’t have to be video  
or maybe even it can be video but you can just leave yours off  
and just watch mine or something i don’t even care  
and i know you feel really strongly about fairness  
but i don’t think you realize just how little ic are about that stuff when it comes to talking to you  
as long as you’re comfortable still talking to me there realy isn’t a limit to the kind of shit iwould gladly do to keep you  
talking  
to keep you talking  
fuck, i can’t type  
elsa?? 

 **Elsa:** Jack.  
Could I have your phone number?  
Please?

* * *

[ 6 / 7 ]  


	7. texts (part i)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _3/23/15_. Oh, good lord. I've gone and done it again. After promising myself that this was going to the first fanfiction story in which I did NOT split the final chapter into multiple chapters... that is exactly what I've done. :P This is the penultimate chapter. The final chapter is 40% done. Goodness.
> 
>  **Beta'd** by THE LOVELY **ALISON** and **ABBY**.
> 
> Also! I have been super busy over the last few weeks... even though I have not updated CTPFF, I _have_ updated ATC, and I've written a number of one-shots. (Are you interested in reading any of the following Jelsa AUs? [Apartment AU in which Jack sleepwalks](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3533099). [Modern Superhero AU in which Anna tries to set Elsa up on a blind date](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3559151/chapters/7838357). [Frozen Fever AU in which Jackson Overland is just trying to do his job](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3572051).)
> 
> As for this chapter, itself: please proceed with caution! ---->
> 
>  **tw:** implications and brief descriptions of panic attacks

 

 _texts_  
(part i)

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, May 21, 2015 at 1:12 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no> 

  
Hey, Sorry about that random text message just now. I’m in a study recitation group and the TA was looking to call on people and he has this THING where he calls on people he knows are probably using their cell phones (because he's an uptight, strung-out fiend), so I freaked and pressed send mid-sentence.

I’ll be out of class in an hour though!

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Thurs, May 21, 2015 at 1:14 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

   
Yes, I was wondering what you meant by: “hey, did you know that if you touch your tongue to your nose you”

And now I will have to wait an hour to receive the conclusion to this thrilling mystery. This is quite unfair.

 

Sent from my iPhone

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, May 21, 2015 at 1:15 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
  


i promise that (1) you shall not be disappointed and (2) i shall make it up to you. ;)

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, May 21, 2015 at 1:15 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
 

sooooooooooo upon rereading that i realized that that sounded really dirty. like, way dirtier than intended.

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, May 21, 2015 at 1:16 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>   
  


note: i did not actually intend to make that first e-mail sound dirty. just to clarify. 

there were no intentions of dirty talk, at all.

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, May 21, 2015 at 1:16 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
 

i am sorry and i am going to stop e-mailing you now, jesus christ. 

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, May 21, 2015 at 1:28 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
 

my TA saw me blushing like a lunatic and called on me. 

this has been a very embarrassing morning. 

* * *

 **Jack**  

hey, did you know that  
if you touch your tongue  
to your nose you

So have you managed  
to successfully survive  
your class without  
further incident?

i’m sorry, jack is not here  
right now  
  
he has died of  
mortification  
  
please leave your messages  
and jack’s ghost will be  
sure to respond to them  
as soon as he stops being  
a dickwad 

Indeed.  
  
How was the rest of  
your day? :)

FINALS

FINAL PREP

PAPERS SUBMISSION 

so close

so close to the end

you?

It’s been a relatively  
uneventful day thus far.  
  
Except…

except??

 Except I discovered how  
much the rental costs  
are for the skating rink.

:)

YESSSSS

good :D 

i am going to make a  
fool out of myself, so  
this will be the best  
few dollars i’ve ever  
spent

how much? 

Very inexpensive, so  
you will have no choice  
but to allow me to treat  
you so I can show you  
my thanks for joining  
me! :)

lol, i’m not gonna let  
you buy me everything

We shall see. :)

ELSA

This is common courtesy!

lol, where i’m from, this  
could be considered  
bribery

  
though i don’t know what  
i’d even have that would  
be worth bribing me for 

I assure you, this  
is not bribery. :P

yeah, guess not  
  
i’m not much of a  
bureaucrat either haha

elsa?

oh wait lawyer school  
and future government  
jobs  
  
i’m not saying that YOU’RE  
a bureaucrat or anything

(yet)

okay, okay bad joke

:P 

Yes, anyway. 

right. anyway :P

According to my family,  
and the culture by which  
we have always lived, it  
is the duty and honor of  
the host(ess) to indulge  
our guests, which often  
means paying the tab. :)

I honestly would like to pay,  
if you truly don’t mind! I’m  
just grateful that you’re  
willing to even join me at  
the rink at all, especially  
when I know that you’re  
not very fond of it.

lol, i USED to be :P

but then i almost became  
best friends with the  
bottom of a dirty pond  
:P  
  
we’re gonna ignore the  
fact that i’ve now used  
the word dirty at least five  
times in the last few  
hours alone  
  
ignoring.  
  
anyway i hope you’re ready  
to help me get one of those  
balancing-support  
thingys that they give  
to kids

i’m gonna be crawling  
and stumbling and  
face-planting around

the ice like a little old  
man

clutching my walker 

hugging the walls 

and you’re gonna be this  
graceful ice-skating queen  
skating swirly circles  
around me :P

Queen?

yeah wow i am just all  
for bureaucracy today  
apparently

or is it aristocracy?

Queens are neither,  
actually.  
  
As for swirly queens,  
however, I cannot say.

sounds very noble, imo

Actually, nobility, you see,  
is very different.

That’s reserved for the  
peerage, who hold titles  
such as Earl or Baron or  
Marquis.

Or Duchess.

oh hey, fun facts!

and do those even  
exist anymore?

aside from in england,  
i mean

A few.  
  
From very long  
lines of history.  
  
But they are not what  
they once were, of  
course. They are mostly  
titles and pomp and  
obligations and estates.

huh. still sounds pretty  
cool, i guess

Yes. Well, anyway.

Ice-skating. I think you will  
be surprised by your own  
skill! No dirty old ponds  
in the facility, I promise.

:P

:P

:P

GAH OKAY

i can’t keep it  
together anymore

i am SO FUCKING  
EXCITED  
  
have you decided on a  
meeting spot yet? :)

Not yet. I’m sure it will  
be very close to your  
hotel, because I would  
not think of asking you  
to try to navigate the  
public transportation  
when I could so easily  
just come find you,  
myself.

:)

You are doing it again.

Doing what?  
  
:) :)

You know what you  
are doing.

are you asking me to  
stop? :) 

:P

lol, i can’t help it.

elsa I AM NOT THE ONLY  
BLUSHER HERE

doesn’t matter how many  
months have passed,  
this revelation makes

everything 539x better

:P :P

:)

oop, i’m gonna lose service

about to go underground on  
the subway

hey, what time do you wanna  
skype?

Is 4pm still okay?

Yep.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Jack!!

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

okay, okay

i’m stopping now, hahaha

talk to you in a bit :) :) :)

Oh!

Wait!

what???

what??

You never mentioned  
the outcome of the  
tongue-to-nose thriller?

oh shit

i forgot D:

* * *

From: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, May 21, 2015 at 3:23 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>

 

Anna, forgive me if I’m being ridiculous, but the doubt is coming back. I know we just talked about this yesterday, but could I please call you? Anytime is fine, although Jack and I will be skyping at 4pm. 

I don’t know, though. Perhaps I should cancel and ask him to wait until later. (Until after I’ve spoken to you?) Are you available tonight?  
  
(Also, before you even ask, I promise that I’m fine. Just thinking.)

* * *

 **Jack:** hey! :D :D :D  
how have you been these last three hours, haha 

 **Elsa:** Hello. :)  
Fairly well. I’m waiting on a call from Anna, actually.  
I was hoping that she might be able to call me sooner, but I haven’t heard back from her at all.  
I think she might have gotten caught up and forgotten to look at her phone. 

 **Jack:** lol, does that happen a lot?  
my sister’s so attached to her phone that i would need to pry it from her fingers with a crowbar  
so for now i communicate majorly via text and e-mail, haha 

 **Elsa:** Yes, though sometimes it takes longer than usual.  
She may have set it down somewhere and forgotten where she put it. :P  
  
**Jack:** anything super important or just sister stuff? :P

 **Elsa:** Sisterly things, mostly.  
And talking about you, I presume. 

 **Jack:** :)  
oh yes? 

 **Elsa:** I’m sure she’ll be interested in your tongue and nose joke.

 **Jack:** D:

 **Elsa:** Just kidding.  
:)

 **Jack:** elsa  
that is not kind.

 **Elsa:** :)

 **Jack:** :)  
SDLFJSD:LFKJSD:LFKJSD:LFKJSDLFKJS:DFJKLSLD:KFJSD  
lKJSDFLISDFJOSIEJFOSDIFJODIFJ  
LKSskafjpodifjasdf  
LSDKFJSLDFKJ:LSDIFJWEIFEWIOJFPOEDFISJSDPFIJ 

 **Elsa:** You are doing it AGAIN.

 **Jack:** i can’t HELP it  
TWO DAYS  
well  
TWO DAYS until we leave for new hampshire and then HOWEVER MANY DAYS UNTIL PROVIDENCE and then ONE DAY and then  
BOSTON  
so that’s like  
SIX DAYS ish  
i am like  
freaking out

 **Elsa:** Yes, I can see that. :P

 **Jack:** ehh  
is this TOO much freaking out?  
:P  
should i be freaking out not as much?  
am i freaking YOU out? 

 **Elsa:** No. You are fine. :P

 **Jack:** :P  
:P 

 **Elsa:** :)

 **Jack:** lol, okay, i’m trusting you.  
you ready for skype? :D 

 **Elsa:** Actually, would it be all right if I waited until Anna calls, instead?  
I’m not sure when that might be, but I’m afraid I might miss her.  
Could I take a rain check?

 **Jack:** yeah, course  
sure  
but only with the condition that your embarrassing stories of me are kept to a 1% minimum :P  
pleassee 

 **Elsa:** Aahahah, all right.  
I can manage that, I suppose.

 **Jack:** how generous  
:P

 **Elsa:** :) :) :)

 **Jack:** :) :) :)

 **Elsa:** All right. I will speak with you later, then.  
  
**Jack:** is texting still okay?

 **Elsa:** Yes, I just may take a bit longer to answer.  
Actually.  
Quite a bit longer. :/ 

 **Jack:** okay. :) duly noted.

 **Elsa:** :)

 **Jack:** :)  
See you soon!

_Elsa is offline._

* * *

**Jack**  

hey, omg, you're  
never gonna believe  
what i just saw my  
neighbor do, omg

oh wait, it looks like  
you're still busy 

okay, nm, i'll tell you  
when we skype  
later

i'm just studying the  
rest of the afternoon  
so feel free to bother  
me :) :) 

hey, hope you're still  
doing okay and that  
you got a hold of anna! 

you're not answering  
so i assume you're either  
talking to her or are  
super busy, lol 

just want to let you know  
that im all done studying 

i don't believe in cramming

not worth the stress, haha

if i don't know it by now  
then Im not gonna know  
it by tomorrow morning :) 

so i'm free to skype  
whenever! 

hey, hope you're okay,  
haven't heard back yet 

my only actual final  
exam is of course at  
8AM on a friday 

so i'm probably going  
to have to go to bed  
soon :/ 

(have to be a good  
student at least one day  
a year, lol) 

hey, so you still haven't  
messaged back and i'm  
telling myself not to worry,  
that you're probably just  
cleaning up the mess of  
your latest serial kill, but  
just in case you see this  
between the various stages  
of your mystery murder  
plan, i just wanna give you  
the heads up that I'm going  
to bed now. :P 

my exam is at 8, and my  
brain will be useless before  
then, but i shouldn't take  
longer than 2-3 hours 

i'll text you when I'm done  
though 

alright, talk to you tomorrow

night :)

* * *

From: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, May 21, 2015 at 12:21 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>  
 

I’m sorry. I know you just tried to call me, and I know my voicemails sounded rather desperate for you to call me back, but I just can’t talk on the phone right now, I'm sorry. 

I’m going to send you another e-mail immediately after this. I just needed to send this to let you know that I’m all right, I’m alive and breathing and I’m not whatever else your worst imagination might conclude, but I’m not going to pick up. I’ll explain, but I may need a while.

* * *

From: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, May 21, 2015 at 12:23 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>  
 

ELsa, I’m so SO SO SO SO sorry I wasn’t around earlier and I love you and I hope you’re okay and I’m here by the computer waiting for your e-mail okay. :( It’s totally fine, take however long you need, I’m just watching TV and keeping my laptop nearby. 

I love you and I’m sorry I love you.

* * *

From: **Elsa** <elsa.arendelle@gmail.com>  
Date: Thurs, May 21, 2015 at 1:14 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Anna** <marshmallow22@gmail.com>  
 

I’m sorry this is taking so long. 

And I know you prefer the phone, but I can’t use the phone unless I can mute myself, and I know that only makes you more nervous because you like to hear that I’m okay, but sometimes knowing that you can hear my breathing only makes it worse.

I’m sorry. I love you, I love you, I love you, but I have always handled these moments alone, and for right now, it’s the only way I know how. But I’m much calmer now, I promise.  
  
It started this morning. I could feel it very distantly, and I was able to ignore it for the most part, even with his messages throughout the day, but I could tell this one was coming in a way that I rarely ever can. I’m sorry I didn’t mention it in my earlier e-mail, but I didn’t want to worry you. I thought I could avoid it, maybe, although I’m not sure why, because I could feel it spreading, and I should _know_ better by now, but I was stubborn and convinced myself that I had it under control. I don’t know. I’ve grown arrogant in my complacency, perhaps, since it’s been so long. And who knows if I might have had some way of stopping it, if I’d taken my medication at the first signs or if I’d gone out for some fresh air and drank my tea or did anything the way that I’m supposed to, who knows (because what’s the use of thirteen years of developing coping strategies if you don’t use them?), but I don’t think so, I think this one was always coming, no matter what I would have done, because I think this is my mind trying to tell me something.

This is a mistake.

And I know you have all of your well-thought-out reasons for why it is not, and I have reasons of my own, but I think those arguments are very weak in the face of everything else. _Especially_ in the wake of the source of my anxiety from today, which admittedly may never come to light, but also understandably could be even more realistically probable than I already fear.

I have pictured every mortifying detail of what might happen, whether plausible or not. The unfortunate thing is—many of them are plausible.

What if I were I to suddenly have an attack while he’s here, in the same room? (Or in the next room over?) What if I’m so fixated on appearing okay that I instead appear cold and distant, like I normally do, and so unlike the self I’ve presented online, or the self that I’d _like_ to be, the self that I mostly am when I’m calm and in-control and happy? What if I’m predictably a mess, and he realizes he’s gotten so much more than he’s bargained for? All of these months of growing closer and breaking down walls and bridging trust, and for what?

Is my reticence and stoicism the first impression he’ll see? (Or the second or third?) And I know what you’re thinking, Anna, that he’ll understand or he’ll be supportive and I don’t want you to think you’re wrong, because you’re not, because he’s far more patient than he gives himself credit for, and far more understanding and respectful of differences than most people I’ve ever met (it reminds me of you, in some ways), and he’s so passionate in the way he cares for people and tries so hard to make them feel good about themselves and their lives, but I am rambling now, and this is not helping.

From what I’ve gathered, he’s had issues of his own in the past, but I know he has no experience with something quite like this. I can’t possibly expect him to understand, neither the situation nor what he’s supposed to _do_ , and honestly how could I even ask that of someone I’ve only just barely met?

I have done nothing these past few months but present a very carefully-crafted picture of myself, and in the beginning it was for my protection, and later it was because it’d gone on for so long and I felt that we were already in too deep for me to break down any of _those_ walls I’d so painstakingly constructed, or perhaps I simply didn’t know how, and now it has come back to haunt me in all the worst ways. What I have presented to him is nothing but a series of half-truths and omissions, and now I have invited him to see through all of that. What good can I honestly expect from removing all of the smoke and mirrors of e-mail and instant messaging, except that this facade will finally die? Is it proper or responsible to allow him to see something so gutturally raw and broken and disappointing? Is that cruel? To whom?

I am decided, now more than ever, that this is a mistake.

It's not fair to him. He doesn’t deserve this kind of pressure, especially not while on a vacation with close friends, one that he is cutting short in honor of

God, I can’t even finish the sentence.

What he’s expecting and what could happen are two completely different things. Not that I’m presumptuous enough to claim to know exactly what he’s expecting, but I know for a fact that it isn’t this, it isn’t me, and the honest truth is that I’m not simply doing this for his sake, and what I am about to say is is so, so selfish, but Anna, I don’t think I could handle that kind of disappointment, if he were to meet me and realize that whatever he thinks he feels about me is based on a series of beautiful well-placed misunderstandings.

I know it’s late. You have work in the morning. I promise that I am much calmer now. After I send this, I will be going to sleep as I'm rather exhausted, but I will call you as soon as you are available in the morning. I’m sorry for all of this commotion. I won’t be checking my e-mail in the morning, so please don’t worry about your response. The computer always seems to increase my anxiety anyway, so I’ll probably try to avoid it for tomorrow, if I can. I’ll simply call you when I am able.

I love you, and I’m sorry, and I wish you a good night.  
  
Please don’t respond back to this, if you can manage it. If you send it, I will not read it, at least until after I’ve already spoken to you on the phone. Please just wait for my call.  
  
I’m sorry, and I love you. <3 <3 

* * *

 **Jack**  

Good morning, Jack. I’m  
sorry it’s taken me so long  
to respond to all of your  
messages. I got very caught  
up last night, and haven’t  
had the chance to respond  
until now.  
  
I know you’re in the middle  
of your final at the moment,  
but I just wanted to warn you  
that I will not be checking my  
phone or inbox for most of  
the day. Things are very busy  
here, and I’m afraid it’ll be  
some time before I can tend  
to social media.  
  
Also, if it’s not too much  
trouble, I’d really like to talk  
to you later tonight. It has  
to do with the plans for  
next weekend.  
  
Would close to  
8pm be okay?

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, May 22, 2015 at 10:18 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
 

WHOOOOOOO FREEDOM

okay oka y okay okay 

finals are OFFICIALLY DONE

freedom is SWEET

honestly the end of the of a semester has NEVER FELT THIS GOOD BEFORE

i’d text you but my phone has really shitty service right now for some reason and there is free wi-fi here and whatever, you probably don’t care, lol.

and honestly, please don’t worry about taking your time or whatever. i was just starting to worry that you’d like, gotten eaten by a rabid urban-mountain lion or something, haha. glad you weren’t. :) just kidding. (i totally understand that you’re super busy, lol, so don’t worry. i’m just being lame.)

aaaaaand i actually have the best/worst news ever because aster just texted all of us and said that he somehow managed to flex his hours and finagle his way out of work a whole four hours earlier than expected, which means that we will all be out of our respective obligations while there is still DAYLIGHT, which means that we could realistically leave tonight instead of tomorrow morning, which means CAMPING TONIGHT, which is great.

but it also means next to no service for FIVE DAYS instead of FOUR D:

i’m not sure exactly what the plan is yet, but it’s looking more and more like we’ll be leaving tonight after all, so i just wanted to give you a heads up because i’m definitely not going to have any service for four straight days. like, unless i find a miracle out in the wilderness, i’m going to be off the grid for a solid half-a-week.

which is actually really disappointing, because we haven’t skyped in a few days, and i was really hoping to see you again before boston, and your message said that you have some stuff to go over too, but IT”S OKAY BECAUSE a;lsjeFPOSIDFJSDFIJSDLFKJSDFL:KJ

and the next time i will see you will not be through skype, anyway. :) :)

okay. stopping this e-mail now before i do something greatly embarrassing.

talk to you later. :)

* * *

**BUNS**

holy fucking fuck i  
nearly just ended my  
e-mail to elsa with  
“love you”

fucking punch me in  
the face

Of course

it was a fucking  
sarcastic rhetorical  
metaphor you asshole

I’m not so sure you  
can have all of those  
at once

you are such a  
friend

Was that a metaphor?

shut the fuck up  
  
i’ll see you in a few  
hours

Sure

I look forward to punching  
you  
  
“friend”

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, May 22, 2015 at 3:23 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
 

Hey! 

Did you get my e-mail from earlier? I know you said you weren’t checking your stuff for most of the day, and I haven’t heard back from you, but we’re starting to get our stuff ready to go and I just want to make sure you know i’m leaving before i’m gone, lol.

Aster’s not quite back from work yet, the workaholic, but we should be looking to roll out around five. i’m just hoping that you’ll see this soon, especially since i won’t have any internet for four days, so i want to make sure that we're good to go in case there’s any other super important logistics we need to hash out before i leave because i won’t see them again until providence on wednesday. (and I'm talking general meet-up logistics, because I know you already have this mental itinerary for the rest of the weekend, lol. i don’t do other kinds of logistics, haha.)

talk to you soon!!

* * *

 **BUNS**  

dude she's not answering  
and im starting to freak out

What did you do?

Also, what’s your ETA?

I DON'T KNOW

(for either question)

I keep rereading our  
messages to see if I  
missed something 

but last time we talked  
everything seemed fine

Could just be busy, like  
she said 

But yeah, that is a  
little fishy

dammit

what should I do?

Dunno. Talk to Tooth

* * *

 **TOOTHY <3** 

tooth she's not answering  
and im starting to freak out

Did you pull another  
April Fool's Day prank?

tooth it's almost may

My question still  
stands. 

no okay I did not 

I have no idea  
what's going on 

everything seemed  
totally fine

completely normal

this is almost as bad as the time  
where she had just written an  
email to anna and accidentally

signed off her email to me  
with "love, elsa" by mistake

and nearly killed me

Ohh, believe me.

I remember. :P

The panic.  
The confusion.  
The hope.

tooth, plz.

Okay, did she say anything  
about next weekend? 

Just about buying  
me stuff

What?

never mind, I'll  
explain on the road 

i’m headed towards  
the subway now 

I'm just trying to figure  
out exactly what

actually 

i don't know what i'm  
trying to figure out

i don't think I'm trying to  
figure out anything

I'm just hella nervous

That seems reasonable  
to me. ;) 

tooth  
  
wth  
  
STOP

;) ;) ;)

ugh you are  
the worst

Careful, sir.  
  
You never  
know what could happen. 

I could get lost between  
museums...

tooth

and require the  
assistance... 

TOOTH

of a beautiful  
blonde-haired, blue-eyed  
Boston local to lead the  
way. 

;)

you wouldn't dare.

(and btw, she lives in  
CAMBRIDGE)

Oh?  
  
But wouldn't I?  
  
;)

I'm beginning to hate  
those damn winky faces.

dammit.

I think I know why she's  
not responding as quickly.

I have no idea what  
connection you just  
formed in your mind,  
but I can tell you that  
its probably wrong. :P 

lol

you're probably right

i'm just nervous

I didn't want to leave  
like this?

ugh

i don't know why i feel  
so weird about this

Well, don't. I'm  
bringing treats for the  
road. :) 

We can talk about it  
in the car. 

"treats" says the dentist

lies

Hush, or you won't  
get any. 

yes, ma'am.

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, May 22, 2015 at 4:49 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
  


Hey, Elsa. 

I just want to let you know that we're officially heading out. I'll technically still have service for a while on the road, but it may be splotchy, and then afterwards, I won't have barely any at all. (Don’t read too deeply into the proper punctuation and capitalization, haha. This is purely AutoCorrect from my phone.) Anyway, if you send me a message within the next few hours, there's a chance I'll get them, but there's a very real chance I may not be able to respond until Wednesday. :/

I'll take plenty of pictures though. :) Even at the risk of some major ragging from the others, lol. (I'm mostly kidding. They will probably be helping me take the most ridiculous of them, hahah.)

Anyway, I hope you’re doing all right and nope, my charade is over, I am done pretending to be calm and collected and cool as a cucumber, I am officially losing my mind over the prospect of meeting you in less than a week, okay I’m going to stop talking about it now, before I lose the final shreds of my dignity.

See you soon, Elsa. :)

 

sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Fri, May 22, 2015 at 7:31 PM  
Subject:  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

  
Jack, 

 

_Message saved to Drafts._

* * *

**Anna**

He’s already left with  
the others.  
  
I should have checked  
my messages earlier.  
  
I promise that I’m going  
to stop bothering you with  
this, I swear. I just wanted  
to text you and let you  
know that we won’t be  
Skyping tonight after all.  
  
I just have to e-mail  
him and tell him that  
I can’t meet him.

ELSA  
  
elsa NO  
  
elsa that is A TERRIBLE  
IDEA 

did you not hear ANYTHING  
i told you this morning

i could write you an ESSAY

i can’t type fast enough

(1) he’s on a vacation with  
his friends w/no service

(2) he won’t read your  
message until the day  
before the boston trip  
and then what

Anna, I know you’re worried  
about me, and I know you  
were hoping for this probably  
just as much as I was, but  
this is my decision, and this  
is what I’m going with.

(3) he’s gonna be  
devastated

(3.5) YOU’RE gonna be  
devastated 

(4) seriously do you wanna  
tell this guy that you’re  
standing him up through  
a frickin e-mail??  
  
like  
  
who does that??

Despite what you may think,  
Anna, I HAVE given his feelings  
the utmost consideration.

I am not  
COMPLETELY  
heartless.

dammit elsa i didn’t mean it  
like that and you know it 

I fully intend to explain the  
situation with him over the  
phone or via Skype.

If he’s willing  
to hear it.

he’s not gonna LISTEN to  
anything, because this is  
AWFUL

he’s gonna fight tooth and  
nail to try to get you to change  
your mind

because this is STUPID

You don’t know him.  
  
He’ll respect my decision,  
even if he doesn’t fully  
understand.

YEAH WELL

maybe so BUT  
  
but when he realizes that  
you’re not gonna end up  
changing your stubborn-ass  
mind, his heart is gonna get  
broken all over again  
  
and so will yours 

Anna, listen to me.

I just can’t do  
this right now.

You know I’m not lying.

so just meet him  
at another time then!!  
  
when you’re ready!!!  
  
he’ll understand!!!! 

just explain it  
that way!!!

Anna, I mean it.  
  
I don’t think I  
should meet him,  
at all.

I can’t keep leading  
him to believe that this  
is something that can  
happen, and then  
change my mind at  
the final moment.

Did you know that  
that was one of the  
first questions he  
asked me, after I’d  
suggested this?  
  
He was afraid of  
getting his hopes  
up, and now look  
where we are.

And I can’t keep doing  
that to myself, either.

I was so, SO looking  
forward to this.  
  
I was staying positive,  
and I had all these  
easy thoughts in my  
head, and we were  
making plans and  
talking about how  
excited we were.  
  
I can’t remember the  
last time something  
felt so easy.

And then the date  
grew closer and  
the fear creeped in,  
and I remembered  
why I was alone for  
so long in the first  
place.

ELSA STOP

you were alone because dad,  
who we will love for forever and  
a day  
may he rest in peace  
was a bit of a shithead.

and because i didn’t know any  
better  
  
and because mom didn’t  
know any better either, even  
if she should have

Anna, I haven’t  
even TOLD him  
about them yet.  
  
OR who we are.

and just because we still  
love them and we’ve mourned  
them and we’ve forgiven them  
and because they’re no longer  
here doesn’t mean that you still  
have to feel guilted into letting  
their poor decisions dictate  
your life

I’m NOT.

well FINE, then INFLUENCE  
them or whatever  
  
dammit elsa you know what  
i’m talking about

god this is upsetting

elsa this isn’t RIGHT  
  
you like this guy SO MUCH  
and if you don’t get this  
chance to meet him, you’re  
gonna be so sad again  
  
and i just

elsa don’t send him anything  
just yet okay  
  
please  
  
just wait a day or two  
  
write it if you need to, but  
don’t send it  
  
okay??  
  
elsa  
  
okay???? 

Okay.

* * *

 [A note scrawled on a small sheet of loose-leaf paper with (1) mud stains, (2) coffee stains, (3) grass stains, (4) ink smudges, and (5) crinkles. (6) Oh, and crumbs.]

[Sunday, May 24, 2015]

Elsa,

So I am probably never going to send you this letter. Or who knows, maybe one day I will. I don't know. The point is that I’m writing it for the sake of writing it, not for wherever the hell it actually ends up, whether in your hands or not. Mostly because I just need to get some of this shit off my chest since I can only talk about you so much to my friends before I turn into the ultimate pinnacle of “disgustingly verbose sap.” (My words, not theirs.) And the truth is, even though I can tell them pretty much anything, I don't actually want to share this stuff with them. Not because I’m embarrassed or anything (okay, maybe a little embarrassed, but only a bit), but more like because telling them any of this stuff directly would be akin to sharing _you_ , and I don't want to do that just yet.

(Though the assholes may even know all this shit already, anyway, just because I'm pretty easy to read, and the things I want in life are pretty simple, but whatever.)

I am rambling, but I guess that's the point.

It is day three of our camping trip. I have already accumulated over 300 photos of too many ridiculous things to name, nearly capsized a canoe, and fallen out of two trees. (One of which only happened because someone _pushed_ me.) I’ve fished and built hammocks and eaten corner store candy (behind Tooth’s back) and drunk burnt coffee and had late night beers and worn majestic blanket-capes in the early morning fog like some sort of rugged woodsy king, and while I am actually having the time of my life, I am also spending this whole time thinking about you and Boston and four days from now, and I feel like sort of an idiot, but I don’t think I actually care.

(Tonight's episode is showing and I'm trying not to be bummed about the fact that we're missing it. Which, again, thank you for offering to wait a few extra days to watch it at the same time that I can. Have I mentioned lately that you are a selfless and I appreciate your sacrifice and I'm sorry that you may be exposed to spoilers for so long while I will not? I may or may not have texted you that, say, thirty-seven times, but who’s counting.) 

The only reason I’m actually sleeping at all this week is because of how physically exhausted I am after all the shit we do every day, but even then it generally feels like a moot point because I usually just end up thinking about you instead of actually falling asleep, anyway. So yeah, I am definitely never sending you this letter. Nope.

I don’t know. Whatever. I think about you all the freaking time and I don’t think it’s any secret.  
  
Even before we started talking so much, before I knew what you looked like or would even hazard the chance at calling us pen pals, let alone friends, I still thought about you all the time. Like what you were doing in Norway or Denmark, what you were up to, what you were thinking about or what you thought of me (I thought about that one a lot), and what I might be able to do to start earning your trust. (I never expected to earn so much, by the way. I don't think you know just how much it affects me that things have worked out this way. Whatever way that is.)  
  
All right, fuck it. I’m already writing and I’ve already established that I’m never letting you read this, anyway, so here I fucking go: ~~I’m actually starting to think I might~~

Okay, never mind, not yet.

 

Aw FUCKIT.

I like you. I like you a lot, and I am such a lame asshole that I am sitting here by a river and freaking out over the fact that I am finding it so difficult to write this out on a private piece of paper you will never even see because there is no doubt in my mind that if you were actually here right now, I would 100% be able to say this to your face. Provided, of course, that we’ve actually met. And been introduced properly face-to-face or whatever. And I guess, if there’s the certainty that I wouldn’t freak _you_ out, but the point is that I could do it, tell you how I feel about you, and the whole point of writing this stupid fucking letter I guess is that eventually I _intend_ to--tell you, that is--but until then (three or four days, which is forever, or maybe even longer depending on how things go) I need to get it out somehow, and this is the easiest and non-messiest way to do that, because the other option is just straight-up downright explosion. So.  
  
Where was I.  
  
I love talking to you. I look forward to sending you stupid selfies and gifs and weird jokes every day. I think about you all the time. I already said that, but whatever. I like knowing how your day is going, and I like that I’m one of the people you share it with. You’re beautiful. I feel like I don’t say that enough, and sometimes I don’t know why I don’t say it more. But I get the feeling that even you’re not necessarily unused to hearing it from people, it also doesn’t make you feel very comfortable, so that’s usually why I try to keep my mouth shut. But I’m not writing this letter to _you_ , necessarily, so I can go ahead and say it literally as many times as I want. You’re gorgeous. You’re absolutely fucking gorgeous, and I mean that in every sense of the word. I like the way you smile, and I like the way you laugh. I take a disgusting amount of pride in making you laugh, by the way—and not the polite, obligatory kind. Genuine laughs, with teeth and your crinkled up nose and everything. It's fucking adorable. I’m a fucking moron.

I still don't know how we even ended up finding each other because in what world would the somebody like you have an extended online internet friendship with some broke-ass guy from New York like me and yeah okay, so maybe it’s not that unreasonable after all, but that’s beside the point. I think a lot about what it would have been like if we'd somehow met in-person first, and whether you would have paid any attention to me at all. I probably would have fallen all over myself trying to impress you, but I guess that’s what I did, anyway. I don’t know.

I don’t know what’s going to happen in four days, but whenever I think about my chest gets all tight and my mouth gets dry and usually at that point at least one or two assholes slaps me upside the head to keep me from zoning out. It’s also been killing me not to talk to you these last few days. Like I’m pretty sure I’ve actually been going out of my mind and the only reason I haven’t totally lost it yet is because I’m too distracted by how awesome everything is around me, and because my asshole friends probably wouldn’t let me. Since they care, apparently.

I miss you a lot. I miss you a LOT, and I’d like to know if you miss me as much as I miss you, and I have a feeling that you might, but it’s hard to think straight after so long of not hearing from you, especially since this is the longest that I can remember, and I’m going to stop now, because I’m just freaking myself out, and that wasn’t supposed to be the point of this at all.

I like you a lot. I like you more than I’ve ever really liked anyone, and I’m glad your sister sent you the wrong address and that I accidentally got your mail.

I have a lot more that I could say about that, too, but I’ve got some burgers to grill and friends to annoy and there are plenty more opportunities for me to sit around and pretend that I am 100% in control over how much or how little I think of you, which is a big, fat lie. (Hint: generally speaking, I am always thinking about you.)

I am going to stop writing now because I am making myself sound like a disgustingly verbose sap, and you’re never going to read this anyway so why am I worrying. I wish I could text you. 

Bottom-line: I am going to meet you in four days. Or I am quite possibly going to explode of anticipation before then. Both possibilities are likely.

/death.

* * *

From:  **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Mon, May 25, 2015 at 7:31 AM  
Subject:  
To:  **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

  
Dear Jack, 

 

_Message saved to Drafts.  
  
_

* * *

[A note scrawled on a wrinkled, scrap of paper.]

Dear Jack,  


Remember to tell Elsa that one thing that happened with the melted tupperware.

And also the moose.

                                                  - Jack

* * *

[A letter written in a small notebook.]

[Tuesday, May 26, 2015]

Hey Elsa,  
 

Okay, so, this isn’t gonna make sense, I guess, but that’s okay because you’re never reading this anyway. I’m gonna just jump right into something here, without any preamble, because the preamble has been in my head all morning and I don’t have the time to write any of that shit down. 

Wanna know when I first knew that this was different? That _you_ were different or that I was already getting in too deep? It was before I’d even started talking to you too, because apparently that’s how my life is, falling in the hole before I even realize I've dug one. I’m not talking about the moment I knew that I liked you so much as a true friend, because that’s another story (that’s a long, gradual story with lots of little revelations and not-so-surprising twists), but instead what I’m talking about is that first moment in the very beginning when we were on opposite sides of the world and I knew next to nothing about you and you still had absolutely no idea that I existed. I didn't know you, but I wanted to.

It was postcard #4, and I’m sure you remember it even if you don't remember the exact number, because I’m positive that that was the message that made you most horrified that any of them had fallen into a stranger’s hands. All of them, but especially that one. (From the outset, I suppose anyone could see why it was a rather personal message, being addressed to your sister and all, but that’s not all of it. It wasn’t _just_ a personal message for your sister, and the content itself wasn’t exactly private--especially not on the back of the postcard, but it was. _Personal_.) But even then, I couldn’t understand for the life of me for so long why a personal message might affect me so much anyway, because I couldn’t figure out what was so remarkable about a note like that.  
  
I mean, of course, _now_ I know--at least, as much as I can--and now I get a lot more of the backstory to why that trip was so important, and what it meant for you to reconnect with your aunt, and at least a little bit of why it was such a significant moment for you. And because it’s important to you, all of that also feels really important to me.  
  
But that’s not what I’m talking about either.  
  
All of that stuff--that family history, and liberation, and empowerment and stuff--all of that made me even more interested in you, and made me care about your life and you as a person even more, but I think about that postcard now and I think I already knew, then, even before I really knew you, that I could maybe sort of fall in love with you.

 

 

 

  
Shit.

 

That’s not what I was planning to write.

 

 

Fuck it, I don’t even care. And maybe it’s not actually love, per se, because we haven’t actually met yet, and there’s still so much I don’t know about you, but the more time goes on, the more and more I start to wonder whether or not that actually matters right now, because I know that I care about you, even if I don’t exactly have a name for it. And I know you feel that way too, although you’ve probably got a much better explanation than I have. I care about you a lot, whether it’s like or love or the start of it, and it started a lot earlier than you probably even imagine.

Wanna know how early?

I read your fourth postcard at least twelve times every waking hour until I sent it back to you in an envelope, and my stupid decent self didn’t dare copy a word or take a picture or anything, but I still fucking remember every line, so it doesn’t even frickin matter. (By the way, you are never reading this letter either. I have a feeling I’ll end up telling you all this anyway, one day, but. Probably more coherently, I hope.)

What I want to tell you about--but not really, because you are NEVER reading this--is the first time I read Postcard #4, the one with the Northern Lights and how you almost cried, and how certain you were that you and Anna would be together to see it again someday. You sounded so completely different (but not) from the other postcards you’d already sent, and by then I’d already started having this faceless picture of what kind of person you were in my mind, and I’d already sorta thought you were interesting before, but this just blew all of that out of the water. I just got swept up in the way you were so affected by it all.

And then you ended the message and—it’s like you’d switched, actually, in the final line. You went right back to the Elsa from postcards 1-3, the one who worried about her sister and wanted to take care of people even if she was on the other side of the ocean. I just kept marveling at how many intriguing pieces there were to this puzzle you’d accidentally given me, and I got so curious, and like--weirdly connected to this story that you were sharing from overseas.

(Side note. It just occured to me: would you even remember which line I’m talking about?? I mean, you probably wouldn’t, would you? You probably have no idea.)

(So the amazing thing is: you gave this really gorgeous, visceral description of the Aurora and your family, and just put so much emotion into so few words. I mean, it was really meaningful and open and honest to the point where I actually felt sort of breathless reading it... and then you told Anna to remind Kristoff to check the pipes for frost. 

That’s how you ended it.

And it’s always stuck out in my mind as a little funny, because it seems like such a simple reminder--and I guess some people could interpret that as being neurotic, or nagging or controlling, or something else that’s maybe not so pleasant--but that one line to me felt just as meaningful and emotional and indicative of you as a person as anything else you’d ever written, and--I don’t know, maybe even more so. I could remember that line and that postcard so much more easily than anything else you’d written, and at the time I wasn’t really sure why. Probably because my chest felt so tight while reading it.) 

The point is that I was really shocked by how affected I was by your postcard too, because no one and no piece of writing has ever actually made me feel that way before. And so the first time I read it (inside the post office, my mailbox door still hanging open, totally oblivious), I just stood there for a second, totally bewildered. And then read it again in this daze, and paused for a few moments, and then I looked up at the ceiling and actually laughed at myself because the first fucking thought that’d come into my head was, “well, shit. Is it possible to fall in love with a complete fucking stranger?” Over a single postcard that I shouldn’t have been reading in the first place. I thought I was fucking nuts. I literally laughed out loud at myself, like actually fucking laughed, and then I spent the next however many months pretending that I’d gotten over it.

But then I sorta went and ended up loving you, anyway.

Shit I spent way too much time writing this.

* * *

From:  **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Tues, May 26, 2015 at 10:31 AM  
Subject:  
To:  **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  


Dear Jack,   
  


Part of me wishes that I could have sent you this message before you’d left, but another part of me is almost grateful for the timing. That perhaps it’s for the best, because at least now you can enjoy your camping trip in peace.

I’m sorry, Jack. The truth is that, against all of my better attempts, things have not been quite right for the last few days now, and since my last conversation with you, I fear they've only grown worse. The truth is that my anxiety is actually much more powerful than I’d anticipated… but it’s not just about that. In fact, it’s only partially about that.

I didn’t mean for this to be delivered to you by e-mail--please believe me when I say that it’s truly a last resort, borne from poor timing and guilt. And the time is so very, very poor. There is so much to say, but there is so little I want to write through e-mail. If we were to call one another, then perhaps I might be better able to explain. You deserve much more, but I’m afraid this is all I have left within me to give.

I just don’t think this is the right time, Jack. And to be honest, I can’t say that I can truly imagine there ever being a right time, or a right place, or a right mindset. What we had was so genuine, even through all the omissions, but there is still so much that you do not know about me, and it’s not fair for me to expect you to have to shoulder that. And I know that this is not the message I've been sending for these last few weeks, and I am so,  _so_ sorry, but it's not something I can explain in a single e-mail. If you want a deeper explanation later, perhaps through something other than a hollow e-mail, then the least I can do is try. But I need to make myself clear.

When you arrive here in Boston on Thursday, please do not ask me to meet you.

The truth is that I regret the day I offered to meet you here, in my city, and for all of the ways it’s changed us. But I don’t regret accidentally sending you my postcards, Jack, and I hope that even after all of this, you still won’t regret receiving them either.

  
Fondly,  
Elsa 

* * *

[ 7 / 8 ] 


	8. texts (part ii)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5/18/15. Well. This is it. :)
> 
> It took a lot longer than I was expecting it to, but this final chapter is finally done! A HUGE HUGE HUGE thank you to the THE LOVELY **ALISON** and **ABBY** , who beta'd all throughout this story. I am so grateful for their insights, suggestions, and profanity. :') A HUGE HUGE HUGE thank you to all of the awesomely talented fanartists and graphics artists who made edits for this story! Please check out these awesome contributions below. :'''')
> 
> [ [edit](http://therentyoupay.tumblr.com/post/114462084592/prinskristoff-check-the-pipes-for-frost-by) by [sirchaneys](http://sirchaneys.tumblr.com/post/109143981049) ] [ [edit](http://llbertines.tumblr.com/post/118022979863/jelsa-edit-inspired-by-check-the-pipes-for-frost) by [llbertines](http://llbertines.tumblr.com/post/118022979863/jelsa-edit-inspired-by-check-the-pipes-for-frost) ] [ [edit](http://therentyoupay.tumblr.com/post/119324228977/knightsquall-check-the-pipes-for-frost-a) by [knightsquall](http://knightsquall.tumblr.com/post/119267503776/check-the-pipes-for-frost-a-modern-jelsa-au) ]
> 
> A huge thank you to all of you who kudos'd, commented, read & reviewed, reblogged, recc'd, and lurked in this story. ♥ ♥ Thank you to everyone who spent time wondering about what happened to Jack during that one night in Toronto, to anyone who has ever related to the wonderful anticipation and awkwardness of conversations made entirely through written word, and to all of the cheerleaders who encouraged me to keep this story going. :) It's been wonderful, and I am so, _so_ glad to be able to cross off another fic title from the "WIP" list... and it to the "completed" pile. :) :)
> 
>  **Please, please note:** I have always toyed with the idea of adding either (1) a bit more background-expository-parallel-running perspectives for each of the characters involved in this story or (2) an epilogue of sorts to this series--either of which would be of the non-epistolary sort. But I make no promises! If I were to ever add more to this series, it would be added directly to this fic as an optional read. (No companion pieces in a different location, no "part of a series" thread like with my other works!) If you're interested in ever possibly reading this potential-maybe-one-day-I'll-write-it-tidbit of mine, please subscribe to this particular story. (What about checking this page directly?) Please, I beg you, do not check back occasionally for a possible update!! You'll be waiting forever, haha. I might write it in two months, I might write it in two years. I might never write it at all. ~~I could write it in two hours.~~ My point is that even I don't know when it may or may not be forthcoming, so keep your hopes low and patient. :) ~~And subscribe!~~
> 
> And finally, before I go any further, please take a moment to note the **trigger warnings** for this chapter: implications and brief mentions of panic attacks. As usual, please proceed with caution!
> 
> Also! You may also want to adjust your browser window to fit a "screen" shape that's more conducive to that of an iPhone/Droid... Just saying. ;)
> 
> Well. That's really it. :) 
> 
> Thanks for reading. ♥ ♥

 

 

 _texts  
_ (part ii)

* * *

  **Anna**

I sent it yesterday.

I didn’t tell you until  
now because I knew  
what you’d say.

I’m sorry, Anna.

* * *

From: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>  
Date: Wed, May 24, 2015 at 12:21 AM  
Subject:  
To: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>

Dear Jack,

I can’t imagine that you’ve read my e-mail already. I’d like to believe I would have heard from you, if you had. But then, I don’t suppose it’s too far a stretch to think that you might not be so eager to reply.

I’ll understand if you’d rather that we not talk anymore. I don’t want to lose your friendship, but I won’t argue if you think that’s what is best.

I hope you’re enjoying your trip.

God. That sounds so trite.

_Message saved to drafts._

* * *

[A note written on a lined piece of paper. Initially with a careful hand, but with writing that visibly deteriorates over the gradual course of the missive.]

[ May 25 (Thurs) ]

Okay, so.

I realized that I am psyching myself out about this way too much. Like, I barely slept at all last night, and it was totally unnecessary. Tomorrow is just a hang out. It’s just hanging out with friends. Friend time.

Friends.

 

 

 

 

But okay, it’s also really confusing, because even though I’ve never met you, I happen to know a number of Very Important Things about you. You’ve told me that you like iced coffee, but I also know that you like to wear your hair in a braid, which is obviously a Very Important Thing. You’ve never said as much, but I know you like to torture people with math, and I also know that you like to take photos and selfies according to the rule of thirds, and that you like rules in general. I get the feeling that you don’t mind breaking them occasionally, and that you might also not mind if I sometimes break them too. A lot. Whatever, this isn’t about me. You love your sister. You love, a lot, in general. So like. ~~I’m just wondering if there’s even the slightest possibility that I might one day be included in that, too?~~

I’m leaving in a few hours to drive to Providence. When that happens, I’ll get some phone service, and I’ll be able to text you again, and I’m not going to freak out.

I will _not_.

* * *

**ELSA !!**

ELSA

ARE YOU THERE

I AM IN A CAR

DO I HAVE SERVICE  
YET  
  
IF YOU CAN READ THIS,  
TYPE “STRAWBERRIES”

* * *

**HICCUPSS**

Hey are you getting  
this message

Let me know ASAP

Uh yes?

Why?

Do you realize that the sun  
has only just barely risen  
here?

SWEET

and whoops, sorry  
  
totally forgot

I'm just waiting for my  
phone internet to work

You were my tester

Oh. Well.

That's super nice  
of you?

So great of you  
to check-in??

At 4AM???

You owe me $20.

BTdubs.

dude

I totally would have  
remembered on  
my own

Of course you would  
have.

So wait

Is this seriously all you  
texted me for??

….yes.

For now.

Wow, man.

Wow.

i’ll skype you sometime  
later this week, swear to  
god  
  
roomies for life <3

Jack, I live in California  
now.

the world is our oyster

the world is small, hiccup

smaller than we think

SMALL ENOUGH TO BE  
CLOSER THAN YOU  
COULD EVER IMAGINE

Dude, I don't know  
what you're talking  
about.

I'll tell you all  
about it over  
skype

You haven’t changed  
a bit.

in my defense it’s  
only been two months  
since i last saw you

OhS HIT i thinks  
service is back  
  
text you late

Late? Do you mean later?

When is later?

A more reasonable hour?

Say--5am???

Am I going to have to time  
travel?

Jack?

Remember my $20, okay?

Yep. You’re gone.

* * *

**ELSA !!**

FREEDOM IS MINE  
  
I AM ALMOST BACK  
IN CIVILIZATION  
  
I DON’T THINK I ACTUALLY  
HAVE “REAL” SERVICE YET  
BECAUSE WE’RE NOT QUITE  
OUT OF THE WOODS YET  
  
BUT I NEED TO WRITE THIS  
TO YOU SO THAT IT WILL  
SEND AUTOMATICALLY  
AS SOON AS I HAVE 3G or 5G  
OR 500G or however many G

I literally can’t wait to see you.  
And to talk about Sunday’s episode  
WHICH I’M SURE WAS CRAZY  
and I hope you’re not too mad  
that you had to miss it because  
of my trip and I’m rambling.

I’m just really excited to see you  
and I have a lot of things to tell  
you, and as soon as I have service,  
I’m going tear through my inbox.

(You’ve probably had  
better self-control than  
I have though. I bet you $5.)

We should be in Providence  
in a few hours, and I think I  
may actually already have real  
service again, however meager it  
is, so i’ll check my inbox soon.

and yeah, so, if I seem a little  
crazy to you, it’s probably  
because I’m going to be cooped  
up in a car for the next few hours  
with friends who are no doubt  
going to be sick of this random  
burst of RARE AND UNUSUAL  
hyperactivity.

But they’ll survive.

(Will I?)

Just kidding

I think

Hahah, but no,  
seriously, I'm going  
to stop eating you now

TEXTING

texting you

god

Fucking autocorrect

Jesus sorry

anyway

See you soon :)

* * *

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, May 26, 2015 at 8:12 AM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

 

I see.

Thank you for letting me know.

 

sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

* * *

**Sand-Man**

Are you alright?

yeah fine

why

You haven't said  
anything.

uhhhh

well technically  
neither have you?

I'm just saying.

I thought the point  
was that you weren't  
saying anything??

No. The point is that  
you don't have to say  
anything if you don't  
want to.

oh

okay, well

thanks

Do you want to say  
anything?

no

well

maybe

not yet

Okay.

dammit

okay you know  
what

here goes

sandy you're sitting  
next to tooth

...yes?

okay well

get ready to  
hold her down

Um.

Is she going to hurt  
you?

I don't exactly know  
what she's gonna do

???

i have shitty news

it's about elsa

Oh.

Well.

I'm ready when you are.

ready isnt what id call it

* * *

**BUNS**

hey

Seriously, you alright?

Yeah. It’s fine.

If you say so.

Tooth is gonna try to  
corner you at this next  
rest stop and ask you  
to talk about it in private.

Be prepared.

okay. thanks.

 

* * *

**TOOTHY <3**

Hey! Where’d you go?

I can’t reach the chips  
for Sandy in this aisle.  
  
Come over here!

Where’s bunny?

I sent him back to the car  
to wait!

Ah. Be right over.

* * *

**BUNS**

You did a horrible job.

Jesus.

I did the best I could,  
alright?

I’m not exactly in the  
mood to talk about it.

Especially if  
i’m gonna sit here  
for another hour  
and pretend like  
everything’s fine.

I know that,  
dumbass

Well then leave  
me the hell alone.

Sorry.

I didn’t mean that.

This is what i’m talking  
about

You may not want to  
talk about it, but it’s  
not like we’re expecting  
you to talk

You can do whatever the  
hell you want

Pretending you’re not  
pissed as shit isn’t  
making a lick of difference  
though

look

I appreciate what you’re  
saying, man

But if i do anything other  
than pretend that i’m not  
about to lose it, then i’m  
actually gonna lose it  
  
and I’m not gonna  
be able to  
get it back

or we talking ‘it’ or ‘her’

or are we not talking  
about this

We are not talking  
about this.

alright

 

* * *

 

From: **Jack** <jackfrost@gmail.com>  
Date: Fri, May 26, 2015 at 12:27 PM  
Subject: Re:  
To: **Elsa** <snøduchesse@gmail.no>

Elsa, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have written that message to you. I should have waited until I cooled off before I tried to say anything, and looking back on it now I realize how cold it sounded without any further explanation, and I don't want you to think that I hate you now, or something else equally stupid. And yeah, I was angry, and I might be a little I don’t know--confused?? But that's why I want to talk to you, and all I did was probably push you farther away or worry you or probably confirm everything you'd been worrying about anyway and I'm sorry. I know I talked a big talk about respecting your decisions and being understanding if you changed your mind, and then I turned around and freaked out instead. So i kind of lied, without meaning to.

I'm still angry, but I'm not angry at you.

Can we talk, please?

 

sᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ Dʀᴏɪᴅ.

* * *

**Anna**

hey :( :(

are you doing okay?

today’s the day he’s  
supposed to get  
to providence, isn’t it?

It is.

have you heard from  
him yet??

elsa??

are you okay???

not really.

* * *

**ELSA !!**

Hey.

Can I call you?

Elsa, I know you got  
my message, I can see  
that it's been read.

It’s okay if you’re busy

Elsa

Did you get my second  
e-mail?

Elsa, it’s already like 5PM,  
if you can’t talk right now,  
just say so

So what, you’re avoiding  
me completely now?

Hi, Jack.

Are you already in  
Providence?

Hey!

Hi, yeah. We’re  
here now

Waiting for our  
food to come  
at a restaurant

Ah. I don’t mean to keep  
you from your friends!

Sorry for interrupting your  
dinner.

No, it’s totally fine.

I’m not really the kind to  
be on my phone throughout  
a meal

Well, not until recently  
anyway  
  
It’s totally fine

How are you?

Hey, you still there?

All right, we’re paying now  
so I’m not busy anymore

Hello?

So this is how we’re  
gonna do this?

One sentence texts and  
then this awkward silence  
for an hour or two?

Where i get to just sit and  
wonder whether or not  
you’re gonna bother to  
talk to me again?

shit.

Elsa, i’m sorry.

I’m not trying to  
make you feel  
any worse. okay?

As great a job as i’m  
probably doing at that,  
that’s not really what  
i’m after

I read your e-mail,  
okay, i get it

There’s a lot going on

And for somebody who  
assured you that they  
were gonna be cool  
with whatever decision  
you made, i sure haven’t  
actually done that great  
a job of sticking to my  
word.

I’m sorry.

I know you have your  
reasons

and I'm sorry I didn't act  
like it

I just

Like honestly elsa it's  
fine

okay?

You'd rather not meet,  
i'll survive

I just didn't like the way  
you were saying goodbye

all right, well

We’re heading  
out for the bars now  
  
So i’ll talk to you later,  
i guess.

night.

* * *

**Anna**

Elsa, pick up your  
damn phone.

or so HELP ME

* * *

**Kristoff**

Elsa, Anna says:

“Elsa pick up your  
damn phone or  
SO HELP ME”

Hope everythings  
okay  
  
Also you should  
totally check out  
the link I e-mailed  
you about ski gear  
clearance this week  
  
We need to GO

Ahaha, alright.

I should have time  
this weekend.

Isn’t your boyfriend  
in town?

CRAP sorry  
  
Anna says “forgive Kristoff  
I haven’t told him anything  
because I was trying to  
respect your privacy SEE  
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN  
I RESPECT YOUR PRIVACY”

She wants you to call her

* * *

**Anna**

SEEE

WAS THT REALLY SO DIFFICULT

don’t answer that

okay, YOU HAVE A GAME PLAN

pop quiz: what are you doing to  
do first?

Find a new sister.

you think i won’t drive all the way  
down to boston just to smite you  
  
but i will.

I know you would.

And I’m going to try  
not to screw this up.

eh okay, not as optmistic as i  
was hoping for  
  
but i’ll take it

because i love you

You’ll take it because  
that’s all you’re getting.

THERE’s MY BIG SISTER

<3 <3 <3 <3

Try not to get  
your hopes up.

you’re stuck with me no matter  
what

Anna.

yeah yeah, I LOVE YOU TOO

* * *

**Jack**

Hi. I hope it’s not too  
late.

Too late at night, I mean.

* * *

  **Anna**

He’s not answering!

damn woman GIVE THE  
BOY A MINUTE

* * *

**Jack**

Sorry. I could text you  
tomorrow instead.

no hey, it’s fine

just had to move around  
a bit, too crowded

what’s up

* * *

  **Anna**

I have forgotten  
everything I was  
supposed to say.

GOOD GRACIOUS ELSA

breathe!! it’ll be fine!!!

just take a deep breath and  
remember that he just wants  
to hear from you, just start  
talking and the rest will come  
out

okay??

Right. Yes.

Okay.

I can do this.

you can totally do this.

* * *

**Jack**

If it’s all right with you,  
I was hoping to ask if  
you’d had a chance to  
watch this week’s episode  
yet?  
  
If it’s not a bad time.

No

I mean, it’s not really a bad time  
and no, i haven’t seen it yet  
  
Have you?

Honestly, no.

oh

well

okay, did you want like, my  
approval to go ahead and  
watch it?

What?

No! Nothing like that.

I was just wondering.

Oh.

alright then.

look, elsa

I see you typing and stopping  
and typing again, and I don’t  
want to interrupt you, i promise  
  
but it’s been like 15 minutes, and  
forgive me if this is me being an  
insensitive asshole, but i just have  
to come right out and ask:  
  
what is this about?

I’m sorry.

I don’t mean to be  
dragging you down  
with this while you’re  
supposed to be out  
enjoying your time  
with your friends  
either

And I’m sorry this turned  
out to be such a colossal  
waste of time.

whoah

stop

do you think this was a  
colossal waste of time?

No.

Definitely not.

then why the hell would  
you assume that i might?

you’re putting words in my  
mouth

I’m sorry, I just

I can’t imagine what this  
has been like for you  
  
Or I mean, I CAN and  
that’s a bit of the problem

Not to say that I’m  
presumptuous enough to  
assume that your health or  
happiness revolves around  
me, of course not, I just

I should have told you  
sooner.

About not being able  
to meet you.

well

yeah

maybe you should’ve

but you would have, if  
that’d been a thing

so

I’ve only made  
you angrier.

I can tell.

This isn’t what  
I wanted to tell  
you.

you wanted to tell me  
that you’ve known for  
a while that this wasn’t  
going to work out, but  
you were pulling my leg  
anyway?

Jack, that is not  
what that expression  
actually means.

are you like

seriously correcting my  
usage of idiomatic language  
right now

I’m sorry, I’m just  
  
I’m trying to think of  
what to say

okay, so is “leading me on”  
any better?

i didn’t think that’s what you  
were doing, by the way

at all

until this conversation

No! That’s not what  
happened.

Is happening.

At all.

I’m sorry, I’ve just  
never had so much  
trouble expressing  
myself before.

well welcome to the land  
of The Ineloquent, where  
we humble peasants dwell  
  
sorry

that was maybe a little  
uncalled for

It’s all right.

It wasn’t exactly  
out of line.

And it’s not unwholly  
surprising from you,  
either.

okay  
  
what’s that supposed  
to mean

Nothing. Just that  
perhaps we might  
know just enough  
about each other to  
prove just how little  
we actually know.

am i supposed to be  
waxing philosophical  
now or

Is there really any  
need to be so  
sarcastic?

i don’t know, is there  
really any need to  
always be so cryptic  
  
like the world is just one  
big damn secret

There’s no need  
to be rude.

who’s being rude

You know what?  
This was my fault.  
  
I shouldn’t have  
texted so late.

  
And I deserved this,  
so I really can’t think  
myself surprised.

okay seriously elsa  
  
you don’t have to play  
the frickin martyr all the  
time you know

i’m being a dick, you can  
just say it  
  
you don’t need to wrap  
it up in a bunch of  
excuses and fill it with  
a bunch of self-deprecating  
regretful nonsense

it’s not a frickin burrito

Jack, what are you  
even talking about

I’m not an idiot, okay

Just because I don’t  
polish my words up  
into unnecessarily posh-  
sounding essays like  
you do  
  
Like everything is  
worthy of some  
literary analytical prize

it doesn’t mean that i  
don’t know what i’m  
talking about

I never said that

really? you sure  
about that?

I said /I/ don’t know  
what you’re talking  
about!

Essays? Like, I’m  
sorry that I have  
so much to say, and  
that I like to organize  
my thoughts before  
I share them.

jesus, this argument is  
totally fucking pointless

you did not text me to  
frickin lay into me about  
my grammar and shit

unless you did

in which case

congratulations

The worst part is  
that I should actually  
be grateful that we’re  
seeing these sides  
of each other.

yeah okay now who’s  
being frickin sarcastic

What makes you think  
this is in any way  
sarcastic?

Aren’t you glad that  
we’re able to see how  
ugly we can be to one  
another?

I can’t imagine having  
to learn this in person.

yeah, well apparently  
it was never important  
enough of a consideration  
for you anyway

so you spent all that time  
worrying for nothing

You know what?

I get that you’re  
angry, Jack.

I get it.

And I feel really honestly  
terrible about what I said  
to you, and I really miss  
the idea of looking forward  
to seeing your face, and  
being right next to you.

But I still stand by what  
I said, even if I hate the  
way I said it, and I think  
I feel more strongly about  
all of that now, after all of  
this.

don’t you think that’s  
just a bit too convenient

like

‘oh, i think i might actually  
be starting to like this  
person’

‘too bad they might actually  
like me too, so now i have  
to shut them out completely’

‘without any warning’

‘and then text them out of  
the blue after two days  
of uncertain silence about  
a fucking tv show’

‘like nothing is wrong’

unless you’re gonna argue  
against that too

shit

ELSA

what the hell are we even  
doing

i don’t know what you want  
  
like

i don’t know what i’m supposed  
to fucking do

am i supposed to fight for you?

am i supposed to roll with the  
punches and step back completely  
and accept that whatever you feel  
is right is actually what’s fucking best?

i’ve never done this before, okay

i don’t want to fuck this up.

even if i already have

i don’t even know if you’re  
reading this anymore

I’m reading it.

ah. great.

so glad you just let me pour all  
that out.

that was.

yeah.

awesome.

so is this the part where we stop  
being friends or

JACK, please  
will you S T O P.

WELL JESUS

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M  
DOING OKAY

The point is that  
NEITHER DO I.

God.

Jack.

Just wait a minute,  
all right?

Look at us. Look at  
this whole conversation.  
  
There is SO MUCH that we  
still don’t know about each  
other. Look at what just  
happened to us, right now.

elsa we are having an  
ARGUMENt

that’s what HUMANS DO

I know hardly anything  
about you.

What if you have  
habits I can’t stand?

Habits that would  
destroy your character  
in my mind?

well hey jesus i’m sure you’re  
not all peaches and sunshine  
either

that’s a lie

it isn’t a lie

that was the vodka talking

Jack, are you still out right  
now?

Are you still drinking with  
your friends?

no

I don’t believe this.

Why didn’t you  
say anything!

because there’s  
nothing to say!

Unbelievable.

I should have known.

I don’t know why I thought  
this was a good time to try  
to have this conversation  
with you. I should have just  
waited until the morning.

no, because by then it would  
have been too late

Jack, what is that  
supposed to mean?

look, the drinking isn’t even  
a problem

and i’m still mostly hanging  
with my friends right now  
  
you can’t use those as  
excuses for why this  
isn’t a good time because  
there is NEVER A GOOD TIME  
but you fucking make it work,  
anyway

like, i don’t know what the hell  
you were thinking when you  
texted me tonight, but i can tell  
this isn’t going the way you  
planned, which

shocker

NOT EVERYTHING GOES  
ACCORDING TO PLAN

sometimes shit happens elsa,  
and you have to deal with it  
  
case in point: tomorrow

me

in boston

probably texting you non-stop  
throughout the day with warnings  
about where i’m located so you  
don’t accidentally run into me  
and screw me/yourself/us over

which is

ironically

ONE OF THE ORIGINAL PLANS  
THAT I SUGGESTED TO YOU

when you mentioned living in  
boston in the damn first place

so

moral of the story is

wait

i just

i don’t think i made that argument  
very well

what the fuck ever, you’re gonna  
judge me for it for something  
i don’t even care anymore

Jack, I’m not  
JUDGING  
anyone.

I, of all people, am  
not in a position to  
judge anyone,  
for anything.

Do you really  
feel this hostile?

do you?

No.

And I don’t think  
you do, either.

I don’t know though.

I could be wrong.

no, elsa

i don’t okay

i just

jesus

like what would be so damn hard?

what are you so frickin afraid of?

Jack, I’m not this outrageously  
wonderful person that you think  
you’ve gotten to know through  
a few postcards and couple of  
e-mails, okay?

what about skype?

what about the phone calls  
and the selfies and the texts  
and the stories?

do they not fucking matter?

I have been SO careful about  
what I’ve shared with you, and  
now it’s coming back to haunt me  
  
Because I have issues, Jack  
and you know bits and pieces,  
but you don’t know the half of them,  
and I can’t expect you to have  
to shoulder any of them, let alone  
ask you to share all of them

well who the hell said you get to  
decide that on your own

don’t you think that’s underestimating  
me a bit much?

like who the hell do you think i am?

do you not actually care enough to find  
out?

do i just

not even get a chance?

Jack, this isn’t about any of  
that

It’s got nothing to do with  
my feelings for you or how  
much I feel like you could be  
good for me, or how much I  
want to get to know you

then fuck

why the hell am i not in  
boston right now

Jack, no.

No, that’s not  
what I’m saying

well then for fuck’s sake

elsa, just hit me with it  
already

because if you’re gonna

have me work through this  
whole thing only just to tell  
me in the end that the ‘it’s  
not you, it’s me’ spiel is still  
gonna be followed up by  
the ‘by the way, i actually  
care about you a lot, which  
is why i can’t see you--because  
i care about you’ and the ‘you’re  
a good person but i don’t trust  
you enough not to judge me so  
we can’t be together’ then just

tell me right now

because it’s 3am and i am  
more convinced than ever  
that i should see you tomorrow  
  
and that it’ll probably be at  
least a tiny bit worth it to  
meet the person i’ve  
pretty much grown to consider  
one of my best friends

but hey

what do i know

i’m out drinking with friends and  
i don’t use proper capitalization

go me.

I think this was a mistake.

ah.

right.

alright then.

I mean, I shouldn’t have  
texted you so late.

I was being impatient,  
and thinking only of  
myself.

I don't usually think  
of myself as that way.

As this kind of person,  
I mean.

hm.

Did you just hum  
at me in your text?

it was a noncommittal  
noise

as in, “you are admitting  
a mistake, and i don’t  
want to tell you you’re  
wrong because you’re right,  
but i don’t want to tell you  
you’re right because i want  
to go to bed tonight thinking  
that there’s at least a chance  
that you’ll still want to text  
me tomorrow”

Oh.

mm.

see?

two-letter words.

work great.

Do you still want  
me to text you  
tomorrow?

pretty sure i still want that  
more than anything

it’s your turn to respond  
with a two-letter word.

i will also accept  
onomatopoeia.

I want to see you  
tomorrow.

JESUS  
  
JESUS FUCK

did we NOT just discuss  
the repercussions of shit  
like this

Jack, I’m serious

I am being  
so serious  
right now

goddammit elsa  
  
what do you  
want me to do??

fuck

I’m so sorry, I jsut

You’re right

You’re totally and  
completely 100% right

about everything

elsa

listen

i can’t do this again,  
okay

it fucked me up enough  
as it was the first time

and I just got so scared  
with all the time that had  
passed when you were  
gone and 

like it was one thing for me  
to get my hopes crushed the  
first time

my stomach still fucking hurts  
just fucking thinking about  
reading that e-mail okay 

and honestly I think  
that’s what made me take  
it so hard, that you were  
gone and I couldn’t contact  
you or use you to keep me  
calm and then the panic  
attack came and ruined  
everything I had sort of  
built up for myself

but to get my hopes up for a  
second time i just

wait

what??

a panic attack?????

when??????? 

And I honestly think it  
could be different this  
time, as long as I actually  
have you around to keep  
me focused, you know?

It’s not important anymore,  
I can tell you about it another  
time  
  
The point is just that I’d thought  
I was prepared, and I wasn’t,  
so it hit me that much harder  
when I was faced with just how  
underprepared I truly was

And by the time I was through  
it and ready to reach out to you  
again, you were already out of  
reach, so I just let the anxiety  
fester and eat away at me for days  
  
And no matter how many times  
Anna told me not to feed into  
it or she told me to just wait  
until you came back I just  
couldn’t see the other side of it.

elsa

i

look

you know what i want, okay?

you know what it’d mean for me  
to be able to see you, no matter  
what actually happens

you could actually be a serial  
killer

and i’d totally be okay with that

Jack.

you know, in a really pathetic way

i really missed that.

the one-word, ‘just write out his  
name’ scolding thing.

i’d really like to see you say it.

so i have to bother you.

a lot.

in person.

So does that

Does that mean yes?

it means 

it means yes, but

and you have to understand

i am willing to try this no matter what

even if it means agreeing via texts  
and not being able to see you after all

even if you change your mind again

even if you’re only a block away when  
you do

but

i literally feel sick to my stomach every  
time i think about the chance of it

happening so

i guess what i mean is just

be careful

okay?

with me

elsa?

Jack, where will you  
be tomorrow morning  
at 9AM?

um

probably hungover

hopefully not throwing up  
in a garbage can

Jack

Be serious.

you have no idea how  
serious i am 

Jack, where will you  
be tomorrow morning  
at 10AM?

you mean six hours  
from now?

so like

10AM today??

i will probably be at least  
en route to our hotel in  
boston

and texting you relentlessly  
  
in between catnaps  
  
am i still allowed to send you  
cat gifs

is that still a thing i can do

Actually

I think that would be  
perfect

Okay great

wait

what part is perfect?

the catnaps or the texting  
or the cat gifts?

All of it.

Especially the texting.  
  
And the cat gifs.

Just send me all of them.

i tthink you may be  
overestimating my  
powers

I have quite the  
archive of cat gifs  
but i’m no

wait

wait a minute

Yes.

so this is like

this is a real thing then

you’re not pulling my leg

JACK. 

so i’m gonna, like

see you tomorrow?

at whatever time?

Yes. 

I mean. 

I would like you to. 

you’re being honest  
with me right now.

this isn’t like last time  
  
why is this not like last time?

Last time, we didn’t have  
the magic of cat gifs.

ah. right. 

of course.

elsa, pls be serious.

Jack, the last time we  
agreed to do this, I panicked,  
and I decided not to open up  
to you, for stupid, consuming,  
real and paralyzing reasons,  
and then you left, with no way  
of communicating with me for  
half a week.

ah.

right.

right then.

and now:

cats.

Jack, I would like to see you  
tomorrow, whenever you feel  
up to it.

But you should know that I’d  
be happy to receive you as soon  
as you arrive in the city.

I’d meet you right now, if you  
were closer.

elsa the commuter rail opens in  
only an hour and i have not slept,  
do not tempt me to do impulsive  
things like buy 5am train tickets

i should proabbly shower

Oh my god, Jack,  
you should probably  
sleep.

I

yes.

i think you’re right.

i need a cab.

Wait.

Where are your friends??

um?

last i checked bunny  
was in a cage

sandy may or may not have  
been on or near a pole

i think he was channeling my  
uncle

toothy was looking into  
people’s mouths on the dance  
floor

Is this… common?

we are night owls

creatures of the night

ruled by the moon

animals

or mabye just bunny, but that’s  
a long story

Jack?

yes

You should call a cab.

yes. yes, is hould. 

ggoodnight

Wait, Jack

yes

See you tomorrow?

yess :)

see you tomorroww 

* * *

  **SAND-MAN**  

holy FUCKK where are you  
i slept in

Down in the restaurant lobby?

Jack, it’s only barely 9:30.

We asked if you wanted to get  
breakfast earlier, but you just  
growled. :P

* * *

  **E** **LSA !!**

ELSA

good morning

oh my god, are you  
awake  
  
how are you  
  
i am alive

Good morning. :)

I’m glad to hear it??

are you

are you really

forget i typed  
that, please.

i am coming.  
i overslept and  
i might be a mess,  
but i am coming.

Are you on  
your way?

no, not

exactly.

not yet.

That’s okay.

:)

how are you

are you good?

i have not sent  
any cat gifs

i am sucking so  
hard at this

you’re good  
right?

I’m good. :)

okay

okay good

that’s good

so

okay, i’m gonna  
get ready  
  
and then text you

Ahahaha, okay. 

* * *

  **SAND-MAN**

uh no 

pretty sure that  
was buns growling

have you seen  
my hoody??

Tooth packed it in her suitcase  
because she ran it through the  
wash before we left the facility.

right thanks

 shit wait

Have you seen  
my jeans?

the dark pair

not the faded ones

Pretty sure you left those over  
the desk chair.

YEs, right you are

Are you coming down to join  
us for breakfast?

You probably need a  
sandwich or something.

Or some sunglasses.

Or an ice pick for your brain.

After the way you were  
drinking last night.

excuse you i was  
owning the night

following in my  
mentors’ footsteps

enjoying my  
eternal youth

and maybe throwing  
a pity party for the  
first bit

buuuuuuuuut

where is my belt

So wait, you’re not coming  
to breakfast?

Brown or black? 

black

Bunny says it’s in the outer  
pocket of your backpack.

He also says “thank you” for  
letting him borrow it.

wth i didn’t let him  
borrow it

Yeah, and he didn’t really say  
thank you.

Are you going somewhere?

yes

although

i should shower first.

yes.

i am definitely going  
to shower first.

Do you wanna pick up some  
snacks for the road?

We’re thinking of leaving  
around 11AM.

Bunny already snagged some  
apples.

uh actually

i need to talk to you  
guys about something

but first

shower

wait actually

what was the name  
of that app you use to  
buy commuter rail  
tickets

For Boston??

It’ll only be a half hour  
faster at this hour, man.

that’s okay

because i’m pretty  
sure i’m already late

Oh, whoah.

Wait, I don’t want to be a  
jerk in case there’s something  
I missed, but

Is there something I missed?

don’t tell tooth yet  
  
she’s gonna kill me  
if i don’t tell her myself

you gonna be up here  
in ten minutes you think?

Yeah, maybe closer to fifteen.

okay great let’s see how  
this works

Jack?

yes what

;) 

* * *

**ELSA !!**

OAKY

shower is done

mostly clean clothes on

aside from some bloodshot  
eyes and a wicked pale face  
and the general undead look  
i think i’m mostly presentable

oops.

okay, sorry, this was  
meant for someone else,

wow, my bad  
  
shit, wow, sorry

wow

good morning? again?

ignore everything

:)

How is your head?

Should I draw you a map?

haha, very funny

no, but actually, that  
was supremely funny for  
some reason, and i just  
burst out laughing  
  
i think i’m sick, because my  
stomach is giddy

i don’t think it’s hit me yet.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THAT

oh god

i am horrible at this.

how did this happen.

Ahahah, Jack, it’s fine!

Here:  
**  
  
[ img 1 ]**

 

Distraction via morning  
selfie? :) 

oh god, how is it possible  
that you went to bed at 5am  
this morning this is not fair

look at this hot mess:

 

**[ img 2 ]**

 

‘hungover chic’

Well, to be fair, I  
haven’t had the  
best luck with  
sound sleep  
these last few  
days.  
  
  
**[ img 3 ]**

 

My morning coffee.

Top secret.

if you say anything  
along the lines of  
‘and now i’m going  
to have to kill you’  
i don’t think i’m going  
to be able to survive

There are quite a  
few layers to that  
serial killer joke  
now, aren’t there?

 

**[ img 4 ]**

 

Sitting on the balcony of  
my apartment and enjoying  
the flower boxes and sunshine.  
:)  
  
I’d already taken the day  
off from work.

After last weekend, I’d  
sort of been planning to use  
this day to accomplish some  
measure of productivity, but  
also perhaps to wallow a bit  
in isolation.

And now. :)

 

**[ img 5 ]**

 

aggghhh, dammit, you  
know how fucking weak i  
am for the braid-stache  
selfies.

i’m leaving the hotel in  
like ten minutes.

Oh my goodness. 

what??

oh my goodness good  
or oh my goodness bad?

what????

Jack!

It’s okay!!

Just tell me when you  
leave. :)

okay.

okay right.

okay, hold on, gotta check  
in with the others now

* * *

**BUNS**  

dude i’m ready  
to go where are  
you guys

my train leaves in  
like 25 minutes

Wait where are you  
going?

DAMMIT

why do i keep DOING  
this

bunny don’t tell  
tooth anything  
until you get up  
here okay

BUNS 

* * *

 

 **TOOTHY <3** 

DON’T TELL ME WHAT

* * *

**ELSA !!**  

okay slight change  
of plan, instead of  
taking a cab to the  
train station my friends  
are insisting on driving  
me there themselves  
  
because i am an adult  
who can fend for myself  
  
have a cat:

 

or, to be more precise:

a cat burrito

Ah. Yes. The revered  
cat burrito.  
  
Far more preferable to  
the Burrito of Regret  
and Self-Deprecation.

ah. yes.

soooo that was not one of  
my finer moments. 

and truthfully i only  
started to half-remember  
that part of last night’s  
conversation about, say  
  
twenty minutes ago  
  
aaaand 

please refresh my memory:  
  
have i apologized at least  
seventy times?  
  
or at least once? 

You have, and so have I.

Although I probably should  
again.  
  
I really am sorry, you know.

wait you’re lying 

i definitely have not  
apologized 

why are you apologizing  
  
why would you tell me  
i’ve apologized 

Jack, honestly, it doesn’t  
matter.

but wait

Here, have another cat:

  

oh look, it’s you and me!

you and i

you distracted me

Isn’t that the point?

:)

Although.

Do you mind if I ask where you  
are now?

in the car.

elsa??

I’m good.

Are you good?

I am so good.

Super good.

cat:

 

or, rather, cats in cups.

Ohh!

* * *

**BUNS**  

I feel like I might  
throw up.

dude

Is that from nerves  
or your hangover?

I honestly do not  
know.

* * *

**ELSA !!**  

so like

 i almost hate to ask, but

are you just kind of waiting  
around until i arrive?

like, what are you up to  
this morning 

cat:

 

No, that’s totally reasonable.

I was trying to read earlier, but  
admittedly couldn’t focus.

So I’m just working on a few  
things absent-mindedly for now.

Look, it’s you:

GASP, oh my god  
are we doing cat  
memes now??

 i’m at the train station  
now, by the way

‘hangover’ cat:

 

sooooo i’m buying  
myself a coffee (iced)  
  
because i’m in  
new england

(HA HA HA)

and then i’m going  
down to the platform  
to wait for my train

Oh god.

oh GOD WHAT

oh god GOOD

or oh god BAD

Good.

Very good.

good???

Very good.

wait. can i call you?

never mind, this  
is totally fine.

No, it’s just…  
is this okay?

For now?

Yes. Totally good.

Okay.

Thanks.

Cat?

* * *

**TOOTHY <3** 

????

How are things going????

tooth i haven’t  
even boarded  
the train

That is not what I asked  
you and you know it!

I KNOW

i know

i’m freaking out

How is she??

i don’t know

good???

i can’t fucking tell

i feel like for all of these texts

we keep sending back and  
forth we’re not actually saying  
anything it’s totally weird  
  
i think we’re both just so  
freaked out that we’re  
trying not to talk about  
anything important so we  
don’t freak each other out  
even more

i don’t know how but  
  
i think I’M the one freaking  
out the most about this??

like

what if she changes her mind  
as soon as i get there

what if i throw up in a  
garbage can because i  
work myself up so much and  
when i meet her i have vomit-  
garbage can hangover breath

what if we can’t find each  
other or my train gets  
derailed or i get into an  
accident while crossing the  
street like TOOTH WHAT  
AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

BREATHE, JACK

You’re not gonna throw up because  
you are going to continue drinking  
water and eating the crackers I gave  
you and taking care of yourself  
and you’re not going to let yourself  
work your mind up into a frenzy.  
  
And if you throw up you’re going to  
buy a toothbrush and a tube of  
toothpaste and brush your damn teeth.  
  
And buy some gum while you’re at it.

Your train will be fine and you will look  
both ways before crossing the street,  
you ding-dong.

what did i do to deserve  
this hostility

You’re gonna be fine, and she’s been  
living there for half a decade, you’re  
not gonna get fucking lost.

Well. She’s not.

You might.

But she’ll find you, and she’s not  
gonna change her mind. 

tooth

you don’t know that

what if she does?

tooth

If she does, then Aster and Sandy  
and I will be there just a half hour  
or so after you.

But she won’t.

Remember the power of the cats,  
Jack, REMEMBER.  
  
REMEMBER.

 

you think you’re so  
damn clever.

i am never going to  
live this down.

Never. <3

* * *

**ELSA !!**  

hey, so.

i’m on the train now.

is it weird that  
i’m narrating this?

i mean, is it helping?

I think so.

Would it help if I narrated,  
too?

strangely, yeah, actually

i think i’d like that a lot.

what are you doing now?

I’m burying the body.

* * *

**TOOTHY <3** 

tooth, help

the ugly laughter  
that just came out  
of me

the poor people  
sitting near  
me on this  
train

i think

i think i’m actually

oh fuck

for a second i  
thought i actually  
sent the start of  
that sentence to  
her by mistake

never mind, i can’t text  
this shit, too risky

Dude, don’t waste your  
battery!

oh fuck, you’re totally  
right

I DIDN’T THINK TO BRING  
MY CHARGER

Calm down, I put it in  
your pocket.

what? when?

I don’t know, whenever  
you were talking about  
burritos.

tooth, you’re the best.

* * *

**ELSA !!**  

so.

two stops in.

How many more to go?

i don’t know, actually.

Um. it just occurred  
to me that i don’t know which  
stop i should get off at that’s  
closest to your apartment??

Oh my god!

You’re completely right!

Oh my god, how did I  
not realize.

I’m going to e-mail you the  
information right now.

I’m so sorry.

no, it’s totally fine  
  
it just

this sorta reminds me:

where exactly am i going???

* * *

**SAND-MAN**  

How are things going?

I am a total mess.

People on this train keep staring  
like, “who is this twitchy loser  
that looks like he’s been dragged  
through hell and keeps gross  
laughing deliriously at his phone”

Jack, I’m sure no one is thinking  
that.

really?

cuz I’m pretty sure  
I’d be thinking that

just kidding.

i already am.

* * *

  **Anna**  

Hey. :/ How are you doing?

I didn’t hear back from you  
last night, so I’m guessing  
things didn’t really go well.

Everything okay?

Anna.

Anna, oh my god.

I’m so sorry.

I totally forgot to call  
you. It totally slipped  
my mind.

what

I’m so sorry!!!

We had this really  
long and heated  
argument via text  
(don’t start with me,  
I know, I know) but  
it was so, so necessary  
and

Anna, he’s coming.

wHAT

I invited him to come.

I realized

I don’t know what I  
realized.

I just.

Talking to him again  
put everything into  
perspective and god,  
Anna, he just makes me  
laugh so genuinely, and I  
was just hit all of a sudden  
with this incredible urge to  
see him and

I know.

I know I’m an idiot.

Or maybe I’m just a  
coward, I don’t know.  
  
But I’m trying to fix it.

i’m sorry

WHAT

* * *

**BUNS**  

i should have worn  
nicer clothes, shouldn’t i

Mate, she’s not gonna care

you don’t know that

you don’t know anything

Then why do you  
keep texting me

Also, we’re officially racing  
  
We’re 30 minutes away  
from Boston now

well i’m officially  
beating you because  
i’m only 20 minutes out

dude seriously i should  
have gone with the other  
pants

What’s it gonna matter

You’re not gonna be in them  
for very long anyway

OH MY GOD

* * *

  **Anna**

ELLSA I DEMAND AN  
ANSWER 

WHEN IS HE COMING

According to his latest  
ETA, he’ll be in Boston  
in twenty minutes.

(I’m tracking his train  
number, do NOT judge.)

I’m getting ready  
to leave now.

tWENTy

tweENTY

WHAT THE FUCK ELSA

WHY DID YOU NOT CALL ME

WHO ARE YOU

I KNOW I KNOW

I’M SORRY

God, I’ve been apologizing  
so much lately.

oh my god no no it’s totally fine

just tell me

tell me how you’re doig??

are you happy??

are you EXCITEEDDD?

tell me if you need to call

No, no, definitely don’t  
call.

I’m barely hanging on  
by a thread as it is.

wait what

elsa how are you?

I don’t know.

I have no idea.

I am trying very hard  
not to think too strongly  
about it.

Do you think he can  
tell?

I feel like we haven’t  
been saying very much,  
even with all of our texts.

I can’t let him down again.

elsa, wait a minute, you do  
whatever you want to, don’t  
worry about what he’ll say

No--no, it’s not that

I’m not

I’m not going to change  
my mind, Anna.

I just mean

I mean like

what if he meets you and  
decides you’re not what he  
was hoping for?

Yes.

that is the dumbest thing i  
have ever heard you say.

love you~~

* * *

**ELSA !!**  

okay.

okay, i’m at the station  
right before your stop.

i think. i think this is it  
now?

Oh god.

Okay, that’s totally fine.

it is?

are you sure??

Yes, absolutely.

okay.

okay, all right.

Elsa, fuck it, I feel  
like a fucking robot  
that’s only been  
programmed with the  
same five damn  
useless sentences

elsa, how are you?

and don’t you dare say  
‘good’ okay

please

Okay.

Okay, but first:  
how are you?

do you want 10% honesty  
or 90% honesty

What happened to 100%  
honesty??

I am a sprite,  
not a truthsayer

Jack.

okay. okay, 95% it is

I can’t breathe.

Are you being figurative  
or literal?

both, i think.

okay, approaching  
next stop

hands are still shaking,  
but they’ve been like that  
since i got on the train

your turn??

this is actually really painful,  
as far as confessions go  
  
help??

I have been thinking about  
this day and this moment  
for months, if I’m being  
quite honest with you  
(98%?), and the simple,  
impossible, remarkable  
idea of being able to stand  
right next to you and possibly  
being close enough to feel  
when you laugh literally makes  
it impossible for me to breathe.

fuck.

If I’m being particularly honest  
(99%), I might have spent the  
better part of an hour thinking  
about what it might be like to  
just to hold your hand.

UGH, elsa

if you are like

actually trying to kill me  
  
it is working

i just arrived

i’m at your station right now

are you here?

I’m a few blocks away,  
if that’s okay? 

yeah, of course

i’m waiting for them to clear  
the platform so we can start  
unloading, but it shouldn’t be  
more than five minutes

holy shit.

what’s 100% honest?

You, sir, are still  
only at 95%.

that can change.

should it?

I’m not sure.

I guess I’ll tell you when  
I see you.

:)

* * *

 

 **BUNS**  

this is it

have my  
gravestone  
ready

Hey drama llama, play it cool,  
would ya?

nope, never

too late for that

i’m done for

Alright then

btw I borrowed  
your belt

dude, yeah,  
I know

Sandy already  
told me

No, I mean  
right now

I’m wearing it

buns wtf

After all I put up with  
for this, mate?

Face it, frosty llama

You owe me

i have such  
asshole friends

“friend”

* * *

  **Anna**  

how is he

is he there yet

is he as hot as he  
looks in his pictures

Anna, please.

does he know about mom  
and dad yet?

Anna, we literally just  
got back on positive  
terms not more than  
eight hours ago and  
since then we haven’t  
said much of anything  
save for a few really  
deep and mortifyingly  
shockingly visceral  
confessions via text--  
most of which did not  
betray that rather  
INAPPROPRIATE  
nature of the actual  
thoughts, thank you  
very much--at no point  
have I had time to share  
with him anything else.

That’s what the rest of  
this weekend is for.  
  
I think.

soooooooo

he doesn’t know that you’re  
the philanthropic proprietor to mom’s  
multi-million dollar estate with  
the official title of “duchess”  
on all of your legal documents

and that you are literally filthy  
stinking rich

:)

and that aunt ingrid has given us  
contractual reason to believe that your  
newly rekindled relationship with

her after her previous estrangement  
with mom because of her marriage to  
our american father is leading to more  
overt assistance in directly managing  
the estate so you don’t have to keep  
going back and forth every few years  
and doing it from afar and thus can have  
more time and freedom to focus on  
pursuing your doctorate??

No, Anna, I have not  
managed to slide that  
into the conversation.

Thank you for  
reminding me.

I was sure to  
have forgotten.

he has given you  
sarcasm powers.

i like him.

MY FAVORITE SASS QUEEN,  
you are so royally screwed,  
i know it

i just know it 

:)

i want all the details.  
  
including the sordid ones 

ten bucks says you’ll come to  
your senses and invite him back  
to your apartment tonight

ANNA.

I MEAN

do whatever feels right, of course

but hey

NO ONE WOULD BLAME YOU

Anna, honestly,  
I can’t talk  
right now.

OHH IS HE HTERE

TELL ME HE’S THERE

ELSA

hey

hey elsa

do you think he’ll come to  
my birthday party??

* * *

**ELSA !!**  

alright.

i’m outside now.

where do i go?

Oh god.

Jack.

Are you really?

Yes

oh my god,  
should I not be?

No no i’t s not that

it’s just

we’ve been talking about  
this for so long??

elsa you’re not using  
your caps you’re making  
me nervous

which street??

No, no, I’m not backing out  
  
You don’t have to  
worry about that

Okay, you see the bagel place?  
  
Which side did you come out of?

Do you see it?

bagels

who do these  
bostonians  
think they are  
  
this isn’t new york

Yes, yes, I’m sure I’ll hear  
all about it.

Go towards the bagel shop,  
and cross the bridge,  
then walk four blocks

holy shit, where am i?

okay and then what?

After the four blocks,  
what do I do?

That’s it.

I’m right around there.

oh.

Jack?

fuck. i just

hang on a minute

Jack, are you all right?

I’m walking

wait, I don’t even think  
I’m going the right way  
anymore

Okay then I’ll walk  
and you stay  
where you are?

that would be logical

except if i stop moving  
i think i’m going to  
explode

so can you just

can i call you?

What block are you on?

i don’t know there’s  
lots of trees and flowers  
and tables with umbrellas  
and shit

elsa?

there’s way too many  
people around this area

what are they even doing?

did i just walk  
into the middle  
of a festival?

lunch hour??

it’s a thursday

why aren’t all  
these people

working?

Are you still walking? 

yes

are you?

No. I’ve stopped.

I’m under one of the  
trees outside the coffee  
place.

Do you see it yet?

not yet.

jesus.

i can’t type and walk at the  
same time but i’m going to  
freak out if i don’t.

Okay.

I’m staring at my phone.

I just can’t look anywhere else  
right now.

Oh my god, you could just walk  
right by me.

Whoah, no, that’d  
be impossible  
  
even with all these  
damn people  
  
i’ve already considered  
the odds  
  
seriously

Jack

I am trying so hard not to be  
scared right now

Just

Don’t read into this please

but tell me that this is the right  
thing

we’re doing the right thing, right?

You won’t regret this?

where hte hell are you

no, absolutely not, you don’t  
even understand how much i  
could never possibly regret this  
100% honesty  
  
no burritos attached

We stopped sending cats

we did

I think it’ll be okay though

speaking of 100%

remind me later

about some letters okay?

Where are you?

you can find me by the manic  
look in my eye and the general  
appearance of someone who

looks like they’re ready to run  
four miles in a blue hoody and  
roughed-up jeans

No, remember, I’m just an  
unsuspecting pedestrian  
staring at her phone, I  
can’t look anywhere else  
  
I’m taking refuge beneath  
a tree by a chain coffee  
restaurant, trying not to  
break her phone in half  
  
and trying to breathe 

whoah

elsa whoah, hold on  
  
i’m coming okay?

i think i’m almost there

what are you wearing?

Why, Jack.

That’s rather 100% of you, but  
as it took six months to ask, I  
suppose it’s all right.

i??

elsa don’t judge me  
if i start running okay

No, never

are you running right now??

Are you almost here?

Jack, don’t judge me by  
the look you see on my face  
when you see me okay  
  
I don’t even know what it’s going  
to look like

I don’t even know what I’m going  
to do

Don’t judge me for that either okay  
  
I’ve never done this before,  
my stomach is in knots

Are you close??  
  
Where are you now??

Look up. 

* * *

 [ 8 / 8 ]

 


End file.
